DNA Paternity Scandal: Why Is My Husband Not Insisting On DNA Test For His Son?
Good evening ma,
Please keep me anonymous. I have been married to my husband for almost 8 years. My husband is a good man, very loving and very supportive. But we do not have children yet. That has been my greatest pain since we got married.
Early in the marriage, there is nothing we did not try to do. We tried all fertility processes…I tried IVF twice and failed. Eventually, my husband decided we stop worrying…that he loves me and if God decides not to give us children, then its fine by him.
I wanted us to adopt a child but he says, we should wait until the marriage is 10 years. If by then, no child, we can adopt. All was going well, except occasional pressure from some extended family members. Anytime I see couples with children, I cry inside and pray to God to remember me.
Two years ago, my marriage almost collapsed. My husband got involved with a church member. A woman who is separated from her husband. She said the husband’s family did not like her and they made her husband turn against her…She has one daughter. We used to encourage her. The marriage was less than two years of marriage. This lady used to pretend to be my friend. I visited her and she visited us.
We even used to have prayer vigils together. We pray for her, that she and her husband will reconcile and we pray for me to conceive. A few times, the vigil was in my house and sometimes in her house…What I did not know was she was flirting with my husband…why my husband didn’t tell me till today is a mystery.
The wicked lady lured him and my husband slept with her. According to her, he slept with her for almost a month but hubby said it was only once. That is how she got pregnant for him. She was even the one that told me…thinking I would leave my marriage so she can move in…maybe because I don’t have a child. But my husband was ready to die than loose me.
My husband told her to abort the pregnancy cos he will not have anything to do with her or the baby. She refused. This woman made trouble…reported him to the church …and the church was against abortion…saying its a sin…my husband and I stopped going to that church. It was such a disgrace.
This woman taunted me with her pregnancy. That God shut my womb…that why do I want to keep my husband in bondage when clearly…am the one with the issues…that I cannot give him a child…I should allow my husband to father his child. Hmm…when his family even found out…they began to side with the woman…saying, my husband must accept the pregnancy cos it was obvious I could not give birth for him.
It was a most painful period but my husband begged me to forgive him. And swore he will never marry any other woman except me. He said he got carried away and was ashamed of himself. I kept asking him why…why…he could not answer….he was just saying…I don’t know what happened… He said he will take responsibility for the child if I give him permission but if not…he will not have anything to do with this woman.
I was not myself for almost 5 months. I thought of suicide but my husband cried every day…begging me….he even said…we can relocate if I want…so we can forget this woman and her child. But God spoke to me when we went through counselling…to accept the child …that maybe that is how I will get my own child…its not the child’s fault.
So, I told my husband…he said ok…whatever I want. I also did not want to give this jezebel of a woman what she wanted: which is my husband…let her have her baby…but she will never get my husband…This woman gave birth to a boy about 8 months later.
We send her monthly upkeep for the child…she still tries to force herself into our lives but she was banned from coming to our house. My husband and I have gone to see the child once and just before Christmas… We send her money every month.
I still I am worried cos I see that this woman is trying to use her child to get to my husband…sending him pictures and you know…no one can resist a cute baby picture…you can be tempted to want to start conversation from there. So my husband said to her to send any pictures she wants to send to me.
He also said anything she wants or any emergency…she should contact me and not him. Hmm…this woman has really done damage…telling people I used jazz for my husband…that which man can stay with a barren woman for 8 years and will not be excited to be with his son…I pray to God for strength….this has made my husband agree for us to adopt this year…but still…the pain is there when I remember his first child is not from me.
The main problem making me write to you now is: since these past weeks….DNA paternity scandals have been trending online…at first…I wondered why all these bruhaha…but as more and more stories came up…I knew I had to tell my husband to do a DNA test for this woman’s son. I was scared to ask him but I summoned up courage and told him.
To my greatest surprise….he said no…that he does not want anything to do with this woman so he does not want a DNA test…that did not make any sense to me…if you do not want anything to do with her…then do the test so we can be 100% sure…what if this woman lied? and is just making me live in hell for nothing?
My husband vehemently refused…saying he has told me to forget about her and we should move on and focus on our marriage…that he does not want to open old wounds cos if the test is right..it will hurt me and him again …..but what if its wrong…he says nothing…cos to him…the boy is nothing to him.
Well, I do not believe my husband. I think he is afraid to take the DNA test cos if it turns out he is not the father,he does not want to loose that boy as his son. This matter has caused a strain in our relationship this past few days. He still insists I should drop the matter…making it seem I want to cause trouble …that we should continue living in peace for now….he then said maybe in future…we can do the DNA thing.
Ma, I am not at peace and I will never be at peace until I know the truth. I want to do this DNA test whether my husband likes it or not…I am sure this boy may not be his…so I want him and his devilish mother out of our lives for good.
I want to force my husband to do this test or I leave the marriage….my mother thinks I will be the one who will loose in the end…cos my husband might get upset and leave me…but why will he do that…am just looking for the truth….or should I do this secretly?
I can easily get his sperm or hair as DNA sample…then visit the boy’s mother and get the same sample to do the test….that way …my husband may not even know….am just scared that if I do the test and it proves he is not the father…he might hate me for it….and that is my biggest fear….I think he suspects the child may not be his and he does not want to loose him.
Please advise me….I just want to know the truth…so I can have my peace of mind forever…how do I go about this DNA matter? Please share…I want everyone to also put me in prayers…I am not happy at all….
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