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All I Wanted Was A Man To Marry Me But An Affair Is Holding Me Back-Pls Advise


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All I Wanted Was A Man To Marry Me But An Affair Is Holding Me Back-Pls Advise

Hello ma,

I have been struggling with the decision to either share my story or not. My heart is heavy and I need a release of what to do. I know some people will curse me out for what I am about to say but I just want to do the right thing and stop wronging the man that loves me.

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So, I am a single mother living in Abuja. I got pregnant for someone who lied to me…I did not know he was married. I was already pregnant before I knew. He is a well placed man in society and he has been taking care of me and my child very well.

I live in a duplex and I have my cars. I am just saying, I am comfortable. I stopped seeing my baby daddy after he revealed he was married. The only contact I have with him is that …he sends money for his child, pays my rent and gives me money now and then.

My child is 7 years old and I am lonely. I have dated a few unserious guys who do not want commitment…just to sleep with you cos you are fine but not talk marriage cos you have a child. So last year, I met this fine guy in a club. He is a year younger than me. We got chatting and he actually got my attention.

Our relationship was going stronger. He seemed like a serious guy. My only issue is that he is not financially stable. So, he has an IT consulting business but he is not a big wig. So, I never expected marriage cos my lifestyle is much more higher than him. We were just having fun I thought.

He needed a contact in a company that could do big business with his small company and I offered to help cos I know someone there. Of course, the person I know there has history with me. I had to have s*x with him, just to make him help my guy get the contract he desired. My boyfriend did not have to know but he got the contract.

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In fact, the agreement I had with the inside man was that, they would give him contract to service all their Nigerian and West African companies as long as I played ball…if you know what I mean. So, I want my guy to step up so badly…I agreed. My guy has been so happy, things have changed for him.

His business has grown under one year and he has been seeing the kind of money he has never seen before. I am happy for him and he is also happy for me. However, he has been suspecting me of cheating on him. I mean, I try to be discreet but I think he is suspecting me cos he asked me if I was seeing someone else apart from him.

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Of course I denied it and I noticed his behavior towards me has changed. I was not happy and I was forced to tell him that I have been doing something with a director in the company that gave him the big contract,all in a bid to keep him on that contract and many more to come.

My guy was disappointed and told me he did not ask me to give my body for his sake. He then asked me to stop and he is willing to loose the contract. I saw sincerity in him. I told my inside man that our arrangement was over. Surprisingly, he agreed. I wanted to focus more now on my guy.

My only problem now is…having been with two guys at the same time…the experience exposed me to two kinds of lover…my guy is nice and all….but my inside man is way better in the act of loving…if you know what I mean. Now, I am torn…I want to focus on my guy but my libido wont let me be.

So, I have not stopped seeing the other guy. Its just s*x…but great s*x…but to be honest, I feel terrible for lying and cheating on my boyfriend. Should I just break up with him? Especially because I stumbled on his plans to propose to me. I read his chat with a jeweler on IG. He is planning to but me a ring and propose to me on Valentine’s day.

I really love him but I don’t want to break his heart…he could discover I have not stopped seeing this other man…and I have tried to stop but I keep getting tempted back. I do not know what is wrong with me. How do I break off the hold of my secret lover on me? What do you think I should do?

I am not getting any younger…I want to get married and this boyfriend of mine is an ideal husband material…I just have a much bigger libido than him and someone else is satisfying me more…men have side chicks right? Are women not allowed to?

Like I said, I want to do the right thing…what should I do now?  All I wanted was for a man to marry me…someone to love me and my child …but maybe marriage is not for me if I cannot be faithful to this kind man…Its easy to say stop cheating on him…but its not been easy…

I have everything I need that any man can give a woman…I have money….assets, etc…I just need the right lover for me…I dont want to be lonely…maybe this guy is nice but not the right lover for me?

Please advise…




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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Dear Women,…if only you know a man’s heart.

    @poster, I won’t judge you miss. It’s bold of you to say your story and if you end up missing that fantastic guy, it will be your loss and your loss only…

    The grass is always greener at the otherwise. My advice to you is if you sincerely love that guy …you should either:

    1. Let him go and allow a better/more deserving woman have him OR

    2. Simply talk to him to spice up his sex game.

    You would be surprised the effect that a little conversation can bring in a relationship.

  2. I don’t think you are not ready for marriage. Marriage is much more than sexual desires and pleasures, it is a commitment of a life time. You choose to be faithful to whoever you marry irrespective. You can’t eat your cake and have it. I think you should tell your boyfriend the truth and let him find his way.
    You are better of single and free than hurting someone else. In life, you will always find people that can do what your partner cannot. You just have to be content with who you have chosen.

  3. Madam you simply not ready for marriage and you love sex and the truth is that u cannot stick to one partner. take care of child and leave the man alone.


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