My Boyfriend’s Family Is Trying To Manipulate Our Relationship-Pls Advise
Please post and hide my name. My name is Rita (not real name). I am 39 years old. I am single and doing very well for myself. As you can imagine, husband matter has been an issue since I clocked 30 years. I have dated, I have been engaged…and disappointed . I have not been fortunate…lets just summarize it like that…
So,my girlfriend introduced me to someone who has been doing their laundry since my own laundry guy decided to steal from me. So, this new Laundry guy shows up at my door, fine looking tall guy…I was like wow…but he was so polite and professional. He took the laundry…and told me when he would return them.
When he returned them days later,he waited patiently as I tried to transfer the payment to him. After I paid him, he said thank you. And then asked me to forgive him for asking: he asked if I was single…I said yes…he smiled and that was how the flirting started.
I think my friend may have even set this laundry guy situation. By the end of the month, I was smitten…and he too was into me. He held my hand one day and kissed my hands…I did not wash it off for hours…lol. Frank, my laundry man and I started dating.
It was odd at first cos of the different social status but Frank did not care about my wealth and I did not care if he was poor or not. We both were in love. And we made each other happy and laugh…He met my family and i met his like months later.
Now, the issue is Frank’s family. Nothing too dramatic about them but they realized that I was well to do, became very attached to me. They would visit and call and say nice things like our wife, etc…and next thing, it will be story story…em…hmm…things are hard o….ah…I borrowed money…I have not paid…story upon story.
They been milking me and initially, I did not mind but it seems like they liked me as long as I was financing their pity party stories. I spoke to Frank about it and he was like, no one is forcing me to give but I noticed once I refused to heed to anyone of their demands…they tell Frank and he starts giving me attitude.
Frank defends his family too much. He turns it into emotional blackmail. Like he is the first son and he knows he is failing in his responsibilities as a first son and he knows one day, his dry cleaning business will take off and make him enough money to take care of his family.
Frank’s laundry business is on a small scale…he has only one worker who he can barely pay a salary. I have tried to support him the best I can…but its not feeling like a balanced relationship. I mean, I am a grown woman…so I don’t need a man to spend on me but that I will inherit his family problem is not what I bargained for.
Last Christmas…I bought a bag of rice, ground nut oil, goat for his family. Frank got my family a cartoon of wine. I had to lie and give my dad 100k and say its from Frank. Its ok. What caused the problem is that Frank got to know I gave his dad 100k and he told his mother. His mother then asked me what of her own?
Can you imagine? I laughed and said but ma…is it not Frank that should actually be doing what I am doing for him and his family? She got angry and said I am too money conscious. …that I should know that if I want to marry her son…that we must treat our money as one…that things can change for her son tomorrow and he becomes rich…and all his money will be mine and all my money will be his.
I know what she says makes sense but right now, I feel they just want to be eating off me. I smiled and tried not to think too much about it. So, last week…Frank’s sister asked me for 50k to pay her children’s school fees as their school gave them ultimatum. I told her I did not have. As usual, she told Frank and he started being cold to me.
When I asked him what I did wrong …he says…50k is nothing to you…why are you this selfish….I did not like that statement and since that last week…I have not spoken to Frank and he has not called me. I told my friend who introduced us and she said I should try and make up with Frank…I sent him an sms to say I am sorry even though I don’t know what I have done wrong.
Frank responded by saying : I miss you…ma, I wont lie….Frank is a good man. He talks marriage talks with me…he cares for me….in fact…we have started buying things for marriage introduction sometime before Easter this year…but his family is a vulture to me. I spend too much on them and they never get satisfied. Even though I want to make up and go back to Frank…I just do not know how long I can continue to stand his family. I had to forcefully send the 50k to the sister.
Yes,50k is not a big deal to me but they will not stop at that…am sure soon someone else will soon call me for something and when I say no….Frank takes their side. How do I deal with this?
Please advise me…abi I should waka…and leave Frank and them alone….I am 39…its not everyday you find a husband at my age…what am I missing here…am I being too materialistic? Maybe its not big deal to some people but my family did not raise me to be successful to take care of a man and his family…am I being too paranoid….I don’t want to loose a good man over this but hey….please advise me lively stones family.
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