My Husband’s Past Is Threatening Our Marriage – Is There Any Hope For Us?-PT 2
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It took a while but I stumbled on one name: Ice.
I called Ice with a private line. (I did that for all the numbers) I told him that I have a surprise delivery for him, from his sweetheart. I mentioned my husband’s name. He was very excited. I told him to verify the address cos our dispatch was on his way. He gave me the address and I went there myself.
Ice opened the door expecting the surprise and when he saw me…he was truly surprised. He must have recognized my face cos as soon as he saw me…he expressed shock. He tried to compose himself but it was too late. I knew he knew who I was. I pleaded with him. That I just want to talk….not to make trouble…he was like who are you…I told him to drop the act cos I am darn sure he knows who I am.
He still tried to say sorry ma…I don’t know you…so I told him…Mike’s wife. He said who is Mike…I told him…but you were expecting a delivery from Mike. He tried to deny but I just begged him to give me 5 minutes to talk which he agreed.
I told him I know my husband has a past with homos*xuality and he told me all about it. That I understand if he and my husband have been seeing each other. He then calmed down. He asked me how I got his number …I told him how…he looked at me and said madam, I am not a home wrecker…I do not want to come in-between you and your husband.
He said that he met my husband when I became pregnant. That he thought the affair was just going to be for a short time …at least to ease his s*xual tension cos I was denying him. But that since I gave birth…my husband has still been dating him…that he feels very bad but that he felt my husband was in love with him and he cannot deny that he likes my husband and that he is ready to break up right now with my husband.
I thanked him and left. I don’t know how I drove back home that day. I was dazed. I was in a trance. I was numb. So, my husband has not truly forsaken his old lifestyle. That night,he came and said…I see you found out about Ice…we need to talk. I just told him…nothing to talk about…I want a divorce.
My husband went on his knees and began to beg me…he cried and was shaking so hard. He said he was sorry. That he is a broken man. That his life is messed up. That my denial of s*x pushed him back to his old ways. That he does not want to be a homo or bi…that he is willing to do anything to live a straight life.
I told him he betrayed me…why did he not talk to me when those feelings came back? why did he not agree for us to go to therapy? My husband became so vulnerable…I saw how broken he was and for the first time…I could not blame him…his past was still haunting him.
I told him the only way that we can be together was if he goes to therapy and I see that he has changed for at least two years…then we can think of working out our marriage. He begged and begged…when he saw I was not going to change my mind…he agreed. So, we found a clinical psychologist therapist that has been attending to my husband for the last one year.
The agreement is almost up. He has done therapy and he has been able to address his major issues. I attended some of the sessions with him. You see, my worry is that…his s*xuality may never change…that is what the therapist said…that it can only be managed when he is not in contact with those things that trigger him. For example…if he feels I am denying him intimacy…he maybe be pushed to seek it outside from the other gender that he is used to from childhood.
Also, watching p*rn or erotic movies can trigger it. That its only self discipline that can help him. And that is my fear. I love my husband…he is a good man and father to my children. But this whole experience has really shaken me. I fear that I maybe forcing him to stay with me against his real personality…
Maybe he is truly bis*xual…maybe that is how God made him…I don’t know…maybe…he will stray again one day…will I be able to live with that again? How do I explain to the children that daddy loves to sleep with men and women?
I am very scared…I told the therapist my fears and she says I just have trust my husband to stick to his promise…she said if I cannot trust him…our marriage will not work even if my husband is trying hard to change.
Ma, that is my fear…how do I truly trust him…I won’t lie…I am so scared about the future….my mind tells me to be strong and stand by him and work things out…another part of me just wants to run away for good…but I love him…and my children need him…above all…I think he needs me if he will ever make it…if I leave him… definitely go back to his old ways.
This burden is much…please advise me…I need your objective advise…have you ever counselled anyone before that had this same challenge ? Were they able to overcome it? How are they doing after many years ? Is there hope for me and my husband?