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My Wife Is Very Abusive & Financially Draining Me-Pls Advise

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My Wife Is Very Abusive & Financially Draining Me-Pls Advise

I need your advice on this issue I have with my wife, And it’s becoming regular this days.

I am married, years now with a kid, regularly I have been having financial issues with my wife, first of all she is still a student, no amount of money I give her is enough, most especially, household expenses.

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We use to buy food stuffs in bulk and we buy other perishables when ever we want to cook, until our beautiful baby came, her financial demands skyrocketed, she refused to go to market when ever I give her money to buy finished food stuffs with excuses and insult that the money is not enough.

Later, we devised a plan that we go to market with 60k to buy food stuffs, which I did my because she refused to partake, when I came back, we agreed on 17k weekly expenses budget and that I will only come in when major food stuff is finished, like bag of rice and beans, garri, yam, oil and gas.

That went on until towards the end of last year, she said she can no longer continue with the plan, that it’s better when ever she needs money she would tell me. Since then my house has been living hell financially. She calls me all sorts of names, stingy man, that I can’t take care of her needs that I don’t know what family involves, insults upon insults.

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Now she stops telling me what has finished or what she wants to cook, becoming sulky and bitter, if I ask her what she wants to cook, she will just tell me that she will never ask me for money again that I should know when the food is finished and drop money.

Recently our company paid me Rebate of 3million and I gave her 50k, she transferred the money back to me that it is way small, coupled with insults that I am even stingy to myself, I vowed she will never get a dime from me apart from house hold expenses, and she obliged.

She even told me that at least a man should surprise his wife with 350k or there about from time to time and I tried explaining to her that I have a lot of projects I have in hand, also house rent this January and she is leaving for university soon, but all these didn’t help anything.

Honestly I have done everything I can, and I am just loosing my mind on this marriage. I have even asked her to go if I am not up to what she wants and that I will gladly take care of our child, she does not want to leave, she’s even aware that she irritates me and I am fed up with her, yet she doesn’t want to change or at least acknowledge that she is wrong here and there or even leave my house.

Really I don’t want to look right or wrong but just to hear your advice on this and see if I can work from there coz honestly I feel like I am on my way way out of this marriage.

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When we were newly married, just traditionally, she was overly jealous about everything I do and suspects my every move, that I became a slave in my own house. On my elder brothers wedding day, we travelled to Port Harcourt, I hugged my cousin that I have not seen in years, she became angry sulky and bitter, though she asked who was that when I was greeting people at bachelors eve, I told her that she was a friend to my brothers wife, because I thought she was asking of the person I just greeted, not knowing it was my cousin she meant.

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All through the night she became sulky, stayed outside the gate that my siblings kept asking me what was wrong with my wife. She sat alone all through the night, I went to her severally to apologize, she kept venting, insults, I even begged her fellow wives to beg her but she listens to no one and even refused to go back to hotel with me.

I angrily left her there but she later returned. Nothing I could do without apologizing and even hammering on me in front of everybody. The worst happened during the wedding, I escorted my sick friend to get a drugs, she kept calling and I kept explaining where I was but she doesn’t listen to understand, while I was in the pharmacy getting drugs and on call shouting at the same time, I fell down and in turn pushed the middle shelf, I had to pay 150k in damages

We came back, I told her that I am fed up with her and this marriage, she said she is also tired, early in the morning she left with her bag, didn’t even mind informing my parents that were in the hotel or anyone. When I come back to Benin, she called the next day that she was coming to pick up her things and I said ok.

When she came, she said I am the one to take her things out with her to her parents that I picked her from her parents myself, I picked up everything to my car, and when I went upstairs she started begging that she would change bla bla and that we would visit a therapist, I ignored her, she rushed downstairs to bring back her things, I quickly caught up to her and drove off with her luggages, went and slept at friends.

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She kept calling all night and I didn’t answer. Very early in the morning my dad called me to come, on getting home she was there with her parents, she begged and I forgave her. After all the advice, she agreed to change, a lot has happened but I kept enduring, until this moment.

I need your advice cos I am fed up….

 

Anonymous

 

Photo Credit:iStock

 

 

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My Wife Is Very Abusive & Financially Draining Me-Pls Advise
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

5 COMMENTS

  1. You obviously married an immature lady that is not ready for marriage. Let her go back to her parents house and learn first, then come back later maybe when her senses have been straightened. How old is she? When you marry a girl, you get a girl treatment. When you marry an adult, you get adult treatment.

  2. This so bad it’s better u let her go bak to learn more from her parent. I dnt kno why dey all form like as if dey came from a reach home even dos from a reach home still shows a sign of an home training. My brother is not a do or die affair jara eee.

  3. I want to commend you for your Patience so far, You are a good man. God bless you.
    It can be very hard leaving with a rebellious person and all but you should know that you are married already and as much as I know you cannot lose your own peace to please someone else, I want you to consider Your child here. Believe it or Not, seperating will affect this child one way or another.
    Secondly, I know you are pained and all, But Please. I can suggest that;
    1. She should see a counsellor like she has said.
    2. She needs to consciously work on herself with Help from you.
    3. I guess she listens to her parents, Leverage on that please.
    4. Her circle of friends too are important. Check who she listens to and try as much as possible to help her break free

    If it continues, there are other ways to get her back to her senses.
    Sending her packing might not be the only options. There can be other things to do. Let us see how much she wants to change and Do let us know the progress of things, Then we can know the next steps to take.

    Hearty Cheers.

  4. I feel this lady has influence of bad friends……hmmmmm if only she knows she has a good husband I dare her to treat u this way…..but I want you to be more prayerful ,build your familys foundation on prayer …..seek counseling together… I feel things can work out…..nothing is beyond God…. All your efforts will not be in vain……I say you should try one more time..if she doesn’t change take her home to spend sometime so she can value wat u do……be strong be strong and fight for your marriage…. God bless u

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