All I Want Is Forgiveness But There Is No Hope For My Marriage -Pls Advise
I have a very important matter to share please. My marriage is about to end…I regret it but it seems there is nothing that can be done. This is my last effort to save this marriage. I decided to post here because I know my wife reads your stories I forward to her from the blog.
I have a female friend who got married many years before I did. Before she got married, we were just friends and I was sincerely happy for her when she got married. But she married a goat. The man was a cheat and a wife beater. My friend suffered in her marriage even though she gave the man four boys.
Being friends with her, I was always counselling her, encouraging her…I even tried to settle some of their quarrels. I got married and my wife came to know about this situation and she used to even feel sorry for her too.
Eventually this lady and her husband divorced after seven years of marriage. She had no place to go to and my wife agreed that she could stay with us. We had a BQ and she moved in there. Her children and our children played together. We were like one big family.
But one day, I made a terrible mistake. I was down with malaria and was at home. Everyone had gone to work and school. This lady came to my room and seduced me. To be honest, I do not know why I could not resist but I cheated on my wife with this lady.
We started sneaking behind my wife and having an affair for almost four months. And then she got pregnant. That was when the scales fell off. I knew I had gone too far and I was not ready to destroy my marriage. I asked her to abort it and she agreed cos she did not want to betray my wife who treats her like a sister.
We agreed that she should move out too cos the affair was too close to home. I got her a self contain and she moved out with her children. My wife was arguing that there was no need for her to get her own place but I insisted. My wife is a good woman…I don’t know how many women will be so unsuspecting.
Being away from our house gave us room to mess around more. I tried to stay away from her but in a few months, we resumed our affair…unfortunately, we were careless. Another pregnancy happened. She was scared of doing a second abortion so I told her I would have nothing to do with her if she keeps the pregnancy. She was supposed to be using contraception but she was careless.
We started having issues ,arguing about the pregnancy. I angrily tried to drug her…so the baby can be flushed…she thought I wanted to kill her so she in anger told my wife. I thought my marriage was over. My wife felt so betrayed. She would not speak to me for months. I begged her and her family…I did not want her to leave me.
God had mercy on me somehow and the lady lost the baby. My wife still has not forgiven me. Its been over two years. Even though my wife has not moved out…she has never forgiven me. We are like strangers in the house. She said she is staying because of the children.
I have asked God and our families for forgiveness. But my wife still refuses to forgive me. The marriage is no longer the same. I don’t sleep with her and she does not let me touch her. I forced myself on her one time cos it was too unbearable….but she hates me so much that she bite me and warned me never to touch her again.
I have asked her what she wants me to do…cos if we are not meeting physically, she is pushing me to go and cheat again. She does not care. She said I can do what I like. That made me realize she no longer loves me. I think its best we both go our separate ways. I asked her if that is what she wants…she says no but if I want it…she is ok with it…
So, that is how I come to the conclusion that the marriage is over. Its two years now.I have begged and begged…what else should I do? If divorce is not the way out…what else should I do? How long should I wait? I am constantly fighting/resisting the temptation to cheat but my wife does not want me anymore
What do I do then?
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