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My Desire Is To Marry My Soulmate But That Would Give My Mother A Heartbreak-Pls Advise


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My Desire Is To Marry My Soulmate But That Would Give My Mother A Heartbreak-Pls Advise


I need your advise. Hide my details. I am a 28 year old young man. I have a good job and I would like to settle down and get married but I have a big problem. The problem is that I am in love with a woman who is 18 years older than me and I cannot marry her yet I cannot stop loving her or commit to another woman because she is my soulmate.

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This woman I am talking about is my mother’s friend. Lets call her Ada. Ada and my mom have been friends for a very long time. My mom is older than her by 5 years but she looks young and very pretty …my mom is young too. So, it happened that during my secondary school days,I was very shy and many of my mates teased me that I don’t have a girlfriend.

Puberty was tough for me and I used to avoid talking to girls and all that. My elder ones used to even laugh at me but I did not care. Only Aunty Ada used to playfully call me her boyfriend and that made me smile really.

When I got into university, I was still a virgin and still very shy. I was what you call a nerd. I just focused on my books. I came home one time while I was in 300 level and Aunty Ada came around to the house. She was her usual friendly and teasing self. She was the only person I was really close to.

Aunty Ada is a single mother. She has twins who were like 10 years younger than me. She was not lucky in relationships. She was always dating one guy or the other. So this time, I came back from school, she teased me and asked me if I now had a girlfriend…I just ignored her and told her to leave me alone.

Later on, she asked me to see her before I left back to school cos she wanted to give me some money as her favorite son from my mother. The day before I was going back to school, I went to Aunty Ada’s house and when I saw her, she had just come out of the bathroom.

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I was shy and didn’t want to look at her. She laughed so hard at my me being so uncomfortable. She then asked me what will I do if a girl wants to f*ck me. I told her, I will think about it. Just then, she dropped her towel and showed me her stark nakedness. I was dumbfounded. She asked if I had been with a woman like her…I said know…she took her hand and dragged my hand to her privates.

Long story short, Aunty Ada was the first woman I slept with in my life. She was my mother’s friend and I knew it was wrong but I was happy with her cos she helped me overcome my shyness…I didn’t want anyone to know I was still a virgin at age 23.

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She later taught me about s*x,women and how to be a sly guy…etc. I went back to school a changed man. I had a girlfriend who confessed I was her best boyfriend. Truth is, Aunty Ada taught me well. Every holiday,we had s*x. I even snuck out of school a few times to have s*x with her.

Aunty Ada was my lover. We talked…we laughed…we joked…we did everything. I was so comfortable with her. I graduated from school and I got a job in Lagos. Anytime she came to Lagos,we would see each other in a hotel. She told me I am her soul mate too. We wish we could get married but my mother would kill both of us.

Even with the girls I dated…none compared with Aunty Ada.  And that has been my challenge in finding love and getting married. Aunty Ada is 46 years old. Never been married but she is an awesome woman.  A fantastic lover. I feel marrying anyone else will be unfair to her and me cos we love each other but we cant be together.

We have talked about even relocating to Ghana but she is also thinking of what her twins who see me like a big brother would think. This life sucks…I need advise…how do I truly commit to someone else when my heart is with another? My mother is already on my case to come home with a girl and get married and settle down one day.

I am at cross roads…anytime I am in a relationship…I always find myself comparing the lady to Ada…Ada is one lady that has no comparism…she is my llover…my baby…one of a kind…what is the worst that can happen if my family becomes aware of me and Ada? They disown me…my mother may die of heartbreak but so will I …I will die one day of heartbreak if I cannot be with Ada…she was my first and I want her to be my last…

Please tell me what to do….




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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Speechless……. I’m not happy Ada disvirgined you ,and lead you into fornicating….. Please you really need to flee from sexual sins….all you need now is repentance and God guidance…..let her know you have repented from such and she should too,take time out of relationship for now,and seek God, I feel age is nothing but a number ……..but let it be God that is leading you ….if he is involved your family will accept her ….just relax and don’t act on feelings because marriage is far more than feelings…… Feelings will go ,emotions will go….you really need to think deep and pray

  2. You have been bewitched, like a spell. You learned a good thing the wrong way and now you are stucked.
    Who told you Ada is the only person you can love? who told you she is the most competent at love making? Who told you she loves you the most. My brother you have just been used. Those are signs of manipulation and abuse.
    Ada abused you and made you feel she did you a favour.
    You need a clear head to understand love. What you have with Ada is not love but obsession.
    You need to speak out to a counsellor/ therapist to help you break off this yoke. Get help now if not you will be stuck for life. God forbid, If Ada dies, will your life die too. My brother wake up an get your life back. If not Ada will control you all your life.

  3. You’re under a spell and it will take only God to break you from it. This lady used your ignorance to lure you. She can help you out of your introvert personality by not taking advantage of you. She took advantage of you and you call it love though you’re of age 300 level but she used her own body to abused and lure you to sin. Let me tell you’ll always think about her except you break that covenant between you and her. Confess to you mum or a family friend that will hold you accountable and most importantly go back to God and ask for forgiveness

  4. My position concerning this young man is that is mind and choice is already been determined. He should just be aware that marriage is different game to relationship and if eventually both of them gets married, he would come to understand the true meaning of been married to someone outside sex.
    He needs to understand that aside from sex there are other factors that matters in marriage.

  5. You are been manipulated. And you call this lady your mum’s friend…I doubt it. You are childish, you think you are enjoying but you are on your way to destruction, Ada may repent tomorrow and you will still be stucked in sexual sins. You even thought of relocating to Ghana, did you read what you typed. You need GREAT help man. Tell your mum and let you mum break up with her, I mean tell your mum, pls tell your mum. I think that Ada lady is diabolic, she may be using for rituals, trust me I know what I’m saying, but it may not be so. But tell your mum. I am Akin

  6. This lady doesn’t love you at all.
    She’ll destroy you.
    The only reason you think you love her is because of the sex.
    Seriously if sex is removed from the equation, you won’t like her.
    She took advantage of you. She just manipulated you into thinking you’re in love.
    Please flee.
    Run faster. She is not a good person.
    Repent and ask God for help because you need it


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