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My Best Friend’s Husband Exposed How She Betrayed Me: Pls Advise

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My Best Friend’s Husband Exposed How She Betrayed Me: Pls Advise

Hello Jzhane,

My head is splitting and I think you are the only one that can help me make sense of my life right now. My name is Julie (not real name). I have been married for 8 years plus to my high school sweetheart. Steve (not real name) and I met in secondary school during GCE and became friends when we found each other in Uniben later.

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Steve and I were friends until he asked me to be his girl in 200 level. We have been in love since then. We got married after school and service year. My best friend, Chinoye (not real name) was my chief bridesmaid. Chi has always been like a sister that I never had. We been friends since year one in Uniben.

Chinoye and Steve have what I thought was a brother/sister relationship. Chi takes my husband and my children as her own. We were very happy when she got married three years after us …but since then, she has not been able to conceive. Its been an issue of prayers and encouraging she and her husband.

They had tried several things,IVF,etc. Late last year, Chinoye’s husband moved out of their house because of the child issue. Its been five years since no child. I and my husband were very upset cos we all know Chi’s husband. We felt he was being unfair to her cos its not her fault she has not conceived.

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I took it upon myself to call him several times but he did not return my call. This really upset Chi. She became so withdrawn and we all started worrying about her…we made deliberate attempts to check in on her so she would not do anything to hurt herself.

Finally, I ran into Chi’s husband as I was driving out of the bank two weeks ago. I accosted him and told him how disappointed we all were that he had to abandon his wife simply because they had no children yet. This man looked at me and said, Julie, why are you so naïve?

Me? Naïve? How?….his next words crumbled my world immediately. He said Chinoye can never give birth because she damaged her womb with a crude abortion while we were in school. And he said they discovered after they visited a specialist from US. The revelation was too much for him and he threatened to leave her for not telling him of her condition.

Chinoye in attempt to save her marriage confessed that it was my husband who took her to the carry out the abortion, which was done by one of his medical student friend cos she did not how to do abortion before then. Steve my husband but my boyfriend at the time was responsible for her pregnancy.

Chi’s husband said he did not leave cos her womb is damaged is because she did not tell him before marriage and he is afraid that Chi may still be seeing my husband behind my back cos it all made sense how fond of my husband chi is…initially, he thought they were just chill cos she is my best friend but he now suspects that they could still be seeing behind our backs.

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I froze hearing all these. I could barely drive home…when I got home, with my heart beating…I confronted my husband…he denied it but when I threatened to divorce him, he then confessed saying it happened once while we were in University. That he did not know what he was doing. That me and him were having issues that time and Chinoye came to lie to him that I was cheating on him

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So, in revenge, he slept with her but broke it off when he found out that she was manipulating him and lying to him. When Chinoye told him she was pregnant…that he had no money so he had to use a 300 level medical student on campus to do the abortion. My husband swears that nothing ever happened between them anymore but I do not believe him totally.

I met Chinoye and rained curses on her. She just kept begging me and asking me for my forgiveness…saying she made a mistake…and that she is paying for that mistake with teh fact that she may never conceive a child….she also said it only happened once but somehow, I still believe her husband that they may still be seeing each other cos if they were not discovered….they would not have confessed.

Ma, my life is confused…I am in pain… my husband and my best friend betrayed me. I have children under the age of 7. How do I even begin to think of leaving their father to rise them by myself? How do I know that Chinoye and my husband have not cheated on me since that time….almost 10 years ago specifically.

Chinoye’s mother called me and cried on the phone for me to forgive her cos she knows her daughter’s betrayal has shut her womb for ever… they are afraid Chi will commit suicide if I don’t forgive her…I can forgive her but how will I ever forget? I have cut her off…she keeps trying to beg…not to cut her off….how will I not cut her off…is there anyway I can still allow her near my husband or my family?

My family is saying to forgive and forget cos it happened almost 10 years ago. .Does that make it right? We were dating at the time…what kind of friend sleeps with her best friend’s boyfriend and still pretends like she is my friend for almost 10 years…how is it impossible …they could have done it again…but they both been saying they have not.

Who do I believe? Chinoye and my husband or Chinoye’e husband? How do I move forward in my marriage…is there hope of marriage again when I can never trust my husband again? My head keeps wondering…and its about to split cos its aching me to be thinking about all these for too long.

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What should I do…please advise me.

 

Anonymous

 

Photo Credit:iStock

 

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My Best Friend's Husband Exposed How She Betrayed Me: Pls Advise
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

11 COMMENTS

  1. Forgive her because karma has caught with her and she is paying for her deeds now , though it’s not easy to forget but with time u will let it go .

  2. It’s a pathetic situation. But you just have to forgive them
    God has vindicated you. Don’t leave your marriage please. You have made your husband know how disappointed you are.
    Please forgive your husband, forgive your friend
    Also, unforgiveness causes a lot of sicknesses
    Call her and pray for her from the depth of your heart
    Tell both of them to also seek God’s forgiveness
    My sister it is not easy but do it and you will earn their respect
    God bless you

  3. You are carrying a big weight on your shoulders and it will burden you if you continue to carry it. For the sake of your peace and sanity, let go and let God. If you need sometime to get your mind of things and be able to deal with your hurt then do so. You cab take a weekend alone or a week alone but please keep your family.
    Your family that you have built these past years is worth it. If you leave, you are giving room for the devil.
    I think you should believe your husband and friend. Your relationship may face a rough path but be determined to make things work.

  4. what a painful betrayal……..this is the kind of betrayal that makes someone not to trust again…but God has exposed them…….no need to fight….coz God is fighting for you,its good you distance yourself from her…….to avoid occurrence of such again…..heal from this pain and make up with your husband…I hope you forgive but forgetting may take time

  5. Look, there is nothing new under the sun. Betrayal will continue to happen because we are human. Forgive them both. You don’t have to continue you friendship with Chi but forgive her. Your marriage is yours don’t throw it away. Your husband has truly repented i believe but let him also cut ties with Chi.

  6. There is no need to worry yourself over what happened 10 years ago, when God has already taken care of the situation, Forgive her call her tell her you have forgiven her but she shouldn’t come to your house for any reason, you guys can chat once in a while but she should stay away from your husband or you will cut off from her completely. Forgive your husband by showing him so much love, if you leave him you are leaving him for your friend giving her the opportunity to marry him, and leaving you miserable, so my dear take care of your marriage, prayerfully let go and always hold hands with your husband to pray daily .

  7. Nawa ooo I feel your pain ma’am but please forgive and forget and let God finish His work. Don’t block his hand by unforgiveness. They say karma is a bitch that knows everyone address. Now it has come to pay Chi a visit

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