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How I Discovered My Fiancé Secret: An Affair With His Step Mother -Pls Advise

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How I Discovered My Fiancé Secret: An Affair With His Step Mother -Pls Advise

Hello madam,

I just need a quick advise on my relationship. I am in love with someone that I think is the best man in the world. I just need to know one thing about him. I think he is keeping a secret from me. We met while attending a conference in Dubai. We started dating a month later.

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Today we are engaged to be married after two years of dating. The problem is: he is estranged from his family. He comes from a big political family and he is completely cut off from them. He told me there was a fall out with his family especially his father. His mother is late,she was the first wife to his father.

My fiancé has never told me the full reason for the break up with his family. I know that whatever it is….is so deep that the only family that he talks to is his elder sister and that one is in the UK. We speak from time to time but when I asked her why her brother is cut off from their family,she is like,do not go there my dear.

So…I let things be out of respect for him. But when he made his intentions known to my family about marrying me…my dad insisted on his family being a part of the marriage planning. I begged my dad to let it go cos its something that my fiancé may even break up with me for if we insist.

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That made my dad carry out his own investigation. My dad later called me to tell me what he found out about my fiancé and his family. He was actually banned for sleeping with one of his father’s wife. The story was that, the lady and my fiancé were secretly dating while she was also dating the father. That he begged his father to let the lady go cos he was in love with her but the father warned him to back off.

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And then, the father married her. They still continued their affair until their father caught them. It was said that the father almost killed the lady. But he banished the son and disowned him. There are rumors that the father thinks some of the woman’s children are from his son. That brought about the hatred for his son cos both of them were in love with the same woman.

To my dad, this revelation is making him have second thoughts of my fiancé. He has not agreed to our marriage for that reason. He feels that my fiancé’s not a trust worthy man…my dad wants to know if my fiance is still in love with the father’s wife…I been trying to tell him that its in the past …its been almost 8 years ago or so…My dad said if that is the case, he wants to speak to him about it but I told him no.

And that is the hardest part is, I cannot tell my fiancé the reason. I cannot tell him that my father investigated him cos that will make him end things with me. I know this must be very heavy for him cos he never talks about it. I am confused as to how to progress with this matter…

How do I convince my dad that my fiancé past has nothing to do with his future and how do I marry him without asking him about the affair that he had with the father’s wife and the possibility that he fathered some of her children.

What should I do?

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Anonymous

 

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How I Discovered My Fiancé Secret: An Affair With His Step Mother -Pls Advise
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

8 COMMENTS

  1. Aunty is it just to be married to this guy that you want or what other thing do you have that you can not ask him questions about his past that can even affect the future.

    History is important in life cause it helps to understand the present and to predict the future. You just can not run away from the truth just because you don’t want to lose him.
    If after you must have revealed the truth to him and he decides to go, let him go.

    And to even say, you are the one making excuses for him for something you weren’t there when it happened. Pls, allow your father to question him since you do not have the liver to do so.
    But wait a minute! So had it been that your Dad did not do his findings, you would have just jumped to marry him. Hmmm! too bad.

    Your dad means well for you and your future, don’t let love or the fear of losing him blind you from the reality of life.

    That is why it is very important to know the history of the family you intend to get married to. Be wise!
    Enough said.

    • Your father is simply doing the right thing, pls allow him. If he truly loves you and want to spend lifetime with you, telling you about the past shouldn’t be an issue. Let him come clean and not hide from it no matter how messy it is .

  2. Sister I’m with your father on this! Stop making excuses for him! He’s shady big time and you’re talking about the past! The past sets the pace for the future! How can you not ask him now! Marriage is a life time issue which such issue cannot be overlooked! Ask him and let him come out clean and you’ll be surprised at the man you’re making excuses for! In my place, we investigate before marriage, both the bride and groom family investigate each other to ascertain their history! Call your man and allow your father do the needful please!

  3. My sister such investigation is helpful
    Don’t marry a man who is not in good term with the father. Even if he and the stepmother have broken up, you need to confront him. He needs his father’s forgiveness. Don’t be blinded by love please
    God bless your dad for such efforts

  4. You need to call him to order,his family has to be involved in whatever he wants to do if not you are on your own because if anything happens tomorrow where will you run to ,who will you talk to. Don’t allow marriage not to make you do the needful oooo.Marriage is forever oooo,therefore shine your eyes

  5. Don’t let emotions cloud you…..allow your dad talk to him…..even the fact that there’s suspicion the woman’s kids may belong to him..wat if its true,,,are you willing to deal with such……..once you are deep in this marriage and reality begins to kick in….you will cry bitterly…..the fact that he can date his fathers wife shows his level of disrespect and disregard to his dad….if he can do that to his dad hmmmmmm this is a big red flag……….seek God fervently in this matter.don’t rush…..

  6. Sister how this marriage thing they do you sef, allow your dad talk to your man. You will cry hard I know if you go ahead and marry this guy if you don’t do the needful.

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