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What Good Is My Marriage If My Husband Treats Outsiders Better Than Me?-Pls Advise


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What Good Is My Marriage If My Husband Treats Outsiders Better Than Me?-Pls Advise

Good evening,

Please share my story, I want to remain anonymous. I think I want a divorce, the only problem is that I do not have a job and I don’t know if I can stand on my own if I leave my husband. I met my husband 3 years ago. He has a babymama who they share a son with. He said he could not marry her cos she is materialistic and always wanting more than he can offer her.

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My husband is doing well. He holds a senior position in the bank and he is paid well. So, when he dated me,he said he does not want the person he will  marry to work cos he wants his wife to take care of the children until they are grown and gone to boarding house.

So I knew that marrying him, I was not going to work but take care of the home and the children. My husband placed me on a monthly upkeep money of 100k. Later, he reduced it to 70k. Now, that amount is too small for me to run our house cos I spend the money on food, diapers for our baby, dstv, fuel for the generator and my car.

To some people,70k is alot of money but for someone who earns almost 1M every month (I just found out last year), I feel he is grossly taking advantage of us. I have talked to him begged him to increase the money to at least 200k…and he says I do not need money after all, he pays school fees, rent, he has bought bag of rice for me, he pays estate dues, light bill, and some few other things.

But I do not have my own pocket money cos the 70k goes into food and its not even enough…so I beg him money to do my hair. He will tell me to carry braids for like 3 months cos he will not give money every month to do my hair. Things that a woman need money for, I don’t have.

For example, I cannot buy a dress or anything I like for myself…most of my clothes are fairly used clothes….he will say we are building our life now…that we are also building our house…we should cut down on things like clothes, etc but he must buy new clothes cos he is a banker. I feel this man is stingy and very unfair.

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Why do I say he is unfair? I just found out that he sponsored his baby mama and their son and relocated them to Canada. And that he is the one sending money to them from Nigeria to live. This information came from a very reliable source. A friend to his baby mama told my friend.

And that every time my husband goes to abroad , he stays with them and he is sleeping with his baby mama. I confronted my husband and he denied it but I followed the baby mama on Facebook and saw that she is indeed in Canada and living the good life with her son while me and my son are barely able to live comfortably.

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I won’t lie since I discovered where my husband has been sending his money to, I began to resent him. We always fight and disagree but one thing is: he never fails to ask for s*x for me. So I decided to punish him for his ill treatment by refusing him s*x.

That made him worse. Since I started refusing him, I told him that he needs to show me that he cares for me as much as his baby mama by giving me as much as he is giving her…if he wont relocate us abroad ….he should at least  provide decently for us. I need him to give us at least 200k or more every month…that is not too much for his salary…I think he send almost 300k to his baby mama every month.

Well, things became worse…since I stopped giving him s*x…he started staying late and I know its to go and have s8x outside…..stay late up to like 3am most times before coming home. He reeks of other women’s smell. And now I know this man does not love me. I wonder why he will marry me and treat me like this if he truly loves me.

How can he be treating other women outside and his baby mama, better than me…his wife…who is raising his son and keeping his home …why does he treat me with so much disrespect and little regard? Some people say I should relax after all I am the woman he put in the house…so what? he put me in the house and now treats me like shit?

Denying him s*x was not my initial plan…it was to force him to understand my needs instead it made him worse… I no longer see my purpose in this marriage…I want to leave…I have been stupid to agree not to let me work…now, I dont have money but I am done taking his shit. I want to leave…what else am I doing in this marriage…maybe when I become a baby mama…he will treat me better?

Please advise me…I am also tired of this no s*x situation. Its been 4 months of no s*x…I am not a piece of wood…I need to quell my desires as well and God knows I will not beg this man to come and fulfil my needs when he still treats me like this. I was almost taken by lust on valentine’s day to meet my ex for s*x …just only God saved me that I did not allow my desires to get a better hold of me.

Meanwhile,…he sent his Canada baby mama flowers for valentine….she put them on her dp and he too placed it on his dp…cos he is no longer hiding her…he paid for it her flowers from here in Nigeria but he did not even drop a pin for me…

Why did he even marry me? I think he not only resents me…he hates me…. How did I not even see that he was still in love with his baby mama before I got entangled…I am so unhappy many days…

He does not listen to anyone in the family that I have gone to report him to. He uses money to silent them so they cannot really talk me. Yet…he will not give me money or love or anything…what should I do …I am young and can still remarry if I choose to….cos I am done waiting and praying for him to change.

Please advise me.



Photo Credit:123rf




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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hmmm, I feel your pain . Then y did he marry u wen he is still in love with his EX . It’s only men that don’t want their wife to succeed that will not allow their women to work . just have patience and pray for him it seems u refusing to have sex with him pushed him outside to other women and his EX .

  2. I feel for you. But you were wrong by denying him sex.
    I’m sorry to say this, the upkeep is not as bad as you portrayed it. 70k is the income of somebody with a family
    Bankers are not well paid oooo
    Don’t think your husband is earning million
    Sorry for condemning you
    All the same, I wish you make peace with him first
    Marrying someone with a baby mama is usually like that

  3. Madam go and get a job business and be happy. When he sees you are happy and he is not the source of your happiness, he will come back to you.
    You need to be empowered to elevate your status before your husband if not you will die in sorrow.

  4. You have a car, you can do UBER. After dropping your son in school, do small trips and make cool cash. From there you can get money to start a business.

  5. madam just find sumtin doing and i advise you to let him be for now , be happy , dress to kill when he comes home look sexy dnt stave him of sex ,let see wat happens from there .


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