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I Promised To Marry My Girlfriend With My Last Breathe But Failed Her-Pls Advise

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I Promised To Marry My Girlfriend With My Last Breathe But Failed Her-Pls Advise

Good day ma,

I need some advise, no judgement zone please cos I know already that I am in the wrong here. My name is Osa. I am 33 years old. I live in the US. I came to the US six years ago with the help of my girlfriend. You see, we have been dating since year one from EDSU. We been through so many things together. I was her first love, the only man she has slept with.

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My girlfriend is someone that is loyal to the core. I mean, even in school when I was messing up with other ladies cos I was stupid, she stuck with me. I mean, that was when I knew she was the one I was going to marry. She is patient and very homely. My family adores her.

And she supports anything I want to do without question. When I told her my plan was to go abroad after school, she supported me. She made her mother loan me the money I needed for visa which was denied me for more than 3 times. She would keep on encouraging me not to give up.

My fourth visa application came through and she and her mother gave me everything they could to get my ticket and some money on me for keeps. I engaged her before leaving. I swore to marry her with my last breath. Getting to US was tough. Life was tough. I lived with a cousin but it was not easy.

I found out that most of our guys here would move in with an American girl or marry one just to get papers or survive here. My cousin encouraged me to do same. I had to survive cos I was an immigrant. I dated an American who treated me very well. She was so nice to me. I know I was with her for stay but I also fell in love with her.

My American girlfriend and me got married two years later. And we have a son. My life has changed and things are really going well for me. I know my girlfriend in Naija has been waiting for me to come back to fulfil my promise to marry her. I kept in touch with her but I could not bring myself to tell her the truth.

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After three years, she started getting worried that I had not come home to marry her…so she started to process her visa to join me. I was very worried of her coming and finding out that I was married, so I told her I got married just to get papers. That me and the woman have a deal to stay married for five years before we get a divorce and then I can come back to marry her.

My girlfriend was heartbroken but like I said, she is loyal. She agreed. She decided to wait for five years. I tell you…my conscience has never let me rest for one day since then. She got her visa and came to US for a visit. I went to see her in her relative’s place….she was so beautiful…my heart was killing me. She told me she wanted a child from me while we are waiting for me to divorce.

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I told her no that I do not want her to raise a child all by herself. That she should wait a little when everything is settled so we can all be together. We slept together alright cos I could not resist her pleas. And she got pregnant two months later when she got back to Nigeria. She was very happy and I was totally scared.

But as if luck was against her…she miscarried the baby. I felt so bad cos I thought God was punishing her for my sake. Since then, she has been planning to come to visit again. I cannot risk seeing her to sleep with her again. I love my wife and truth be told…I have no intention of divorcing my wife. I love my little family here too.

So my problem is how to I tell my girlfriend to forget about me after all she has done for me. I know I love her but not the same way I love my wife. My cousin wants me to marry her traditionally…so she can be my wife and stay in Nigeria but two things: if my American wife finds out…she could leave me and I don’t want that…secondly…I have no intention of returning back to Nigeria…so why marry her and have a family that I will not be seeing..

I mean…I am not that kind of guy…I know I have been horrible to her but I do not want to keep lying all my life…but I do not know how to come clean to her. I feel so heavy in my heart just thinking of how she will take the news. I know she will do anything for me cos she loves me…but what I feel for her is not love anymore…its sympathy.

She is young…she can always find someone else to marry her but she wont listen…she says its me or no one else…and she is ready to wait for me to divorce my wife….what she does not know is I have no intention of divorcing my wife…please I need your advise.

Should I tell her the truth or let her keep waiting or make her my naija wife just to compensate her? I just want to do the right thing…I know I have wronged her but I cant leave my wife and kid. Please advise.

Anonymous

 

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I Promised To Marry My Girlfriend With My Last Breathe But Failed Her-Pls Advise
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

18 COMMENTS

  1. Guy, you are very wicked to the end. If not for any reason, for you to be in the US to start with is her help and that of her mother, you should have considered the first reason that brought you there before thinking of another.
    That girl has paid the price worth more than the one in the US has done.
    You are one of the reasons why it is difficult for girls to help guys who have nothing when they are in a relationship.
    I feel for that girl, I don’t know how she is going to deal with all this sad news after all the years you both have spent together with all your empty promises.
    You are wicked.

  2. Put yourself in her shoes , she is loyal to the core even patiently waiting for u
    Now u say u don’t love her anymore but sympathy . U can as well pay her off and tell her the truth of wat u feel towards her . Because marrying her will be out of pity and I don’t think a marriage like that will work out .

  3. I have always been of the opinion that people should be bold enough to negotiate the terms when getting help, most expecially when it requires alligiance or making promises irrespective of how much admiring you need that help at that moment, women live by what the hear, when you make a marriage promise to a girl that truly loves you, she won’t forget that words in a hurry, I believe you know the right thing to do, be brave to come and re-negotiate the terms with her family, take along side with you an elderly person from your family, say the truth to them all and visit the girl’s family on a ground to negotiate the terms, if she agrees to let you be with the white woman, so be it, if she insist that you marry her and fulfil your martial obligations to her, you’ll also live with that, in the future if she choose to devorce you after realising that you married her out of sympathy not love then she can go. Don’t joke with karma, be brave to face your fears.

  4. This is pure wickedness haba. After all these years its now you know you dont love her anymore after all her sacrifice. Tell her the truth and she would leave you to God for judgement. No amount of money can pay her off cos you have truly betray her love and kindness

  5. Bia this guy you are so stupid, what advise do you need from us when you have already decided and made up your MIND to be with the American wife. You better tell her everything and compensate her hugely,if you don’t compensate her and the mother,the thunder that will fire you is still doing 40 days fasting and prayers on your behalf, do not say I did not tell you. Yeye dey smell,you have no conscience tufiakwa

  6. karma will hunt u down…..why didn’t you tell her once you were getting married to stop waisting her precious time…..instead u kept quiet till she started planning to go see u….wow…..so u have met oyimbo baaah…..story change….after ur promises..u will reap it in heaps…..in fact God will compensate her ….not you…..you have nothing to give her…..nothing…..

  7. Omo. Human beings wicked Sha.
    He is indeed lazy and selfish. Instead of him to hustle, he went to marry an oyibo woman. Selfish human being. Although you need advice, you would reap whatever you sow.

    Don’t think life is going all rosy for you now. You would reap it later. This is why people find it hard to trust these days…

    Hard to help their partners in dating stage. Cus of stories like this

  8. Just tell her the truth and stop hurting her. Let her find her own path and true love. Know that the more you keep holding on to the truth, the more you are delaying her from opening up to someone else.
    You have hurt her enough, please free her

  9. I still can believe girls like that still exists, just tell the bitter truth and pay her hugely if she’ll accept sha cuz I don’t think she will. If nah ur sister weytin u go do

  10. […] Read Lanre’s story about his fiancée here. […]

  11. The only person I blame here is her. We women need to learn self dignity first before love. You cheated on her several times and she stayed? And you call that loyalty? Well I call it stupidity, lack of respect for herself and desperation. Women like her are reason why men don’t respect women. Can you do the same to your American wife? Even her mother cannot advice her. Let her be there waiting for you to come and marry her till thy kingdom come. As for you, your own Karma is comes for taking advantage of a gullible young girl and exploiting her weaknesses

  12. You are the most wicked and insensible human being I have ever met, better free that girl and let her go. Karma must surely visit you. You don’t need advice, you already know what you want

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