I Promised To Marry My Girlfriend With My Last Breathe But Failed Her-Pls Advise
Good day ma,
I need some advise, no judgement zone please cos I know already that I am in the wrong here. My name is Osa. I am 33 years old. I live in the US. I came to the US six years ago with the help of my girlfriend. You see, we have been dating since year one from EDSU. We been through so many things together. I was her first love, the only man she has slept with.
My girlfriend is someone that is loyal to the core. I mean, even in school when I was messing up with other ladies cos I was stupid, she stuck with me. I mean, that was when I knew she was the one I was going to marry. She is patient and very homely. My family adores her.
And she supports anything I want to do without question. When I told her my plan was to go abroad after school, she supported me. She made her mother loan me the money I needed for visa which was denied me for more than 3 times. She would keep on encouraging me not to give up.
My fourth visa application came through and she and her mother gave me everything they could to get my ticket and some money on me for keeps. I engaged her before leaving. I swore to marry her with my last breath. Getting to US was tough. Life was tough. I lived with a cousin but it was not easy.
I found out that most of our guys here would move in with an American girl or marry one just to get papers or survive here. My cousin encouraged me to do same. I had to survive cos I was an immigrant. I dated an American who treated me very well. She was so nice to me. I know I was with her for stay but I also fell in love with her.
My American girlfriend and me got married two years later. And we have a son. My life has changed and things are really going well for me. I know my girlfriend in Naija has been waiting for me to come back to fulfil my promise to marry her. I kept in touch with her but I could not bring myself to tell her the truth.
After three years, she started getting worried that I had not come home to marry her…so she started to process her visa to join me. I was very worried of her coming and finding out that I was married, so I told her I got married just to get papers. That me and the woman have a deal to stay married for five years before we get a divorce and then I can come back to marry her.
My girlfriend was heartbroken but like I said, she is loyal. She agreed. She decided to wait for five years. I tell you…my conscience has never let me rest for one day since then. She got her visa and came to US for a visit. I went to see her in her relative’s place….she was so beautiful…my heart was killing me. She told me she wanted a child from me while we are waiting for me to divorce.
I told her no that I do not want her to raise a child all by herself. That she should wait a little when everything is settled so we can all be together. We slept together alright cos I could not resist her pleas. And she got pregnant two months later when she got back to Nigeria. She was very happy and I was totally scared.
But as if luck was against her…she miscarried the baby. I felt so bad cos I thought God was punishing her for my sake. Since then, she has been planning to come to visit again. I cannot risk seeing her to sleep with her again. I love my wife and truth be told…I have no intention of divorcing my wife. I love my little family here too.
So my problem is how to I tell my girlfriend to forget about me after all she has done for me. I know I love her but not the same way I love my wife. My cousin wants me to marry her traditionally…so she can be my wife and stay in Nigeria but two things: if my American wife finds out…she could leave me and I don’t want that…secondly…I have no intention of returning back to Nigeria…so why marry her and have a family that I will not be seeing..
I mean…I am not that kind of guy…I know I have been horrible to her but I do not want to keep lying all my life…but I do not know how to come clean to her. I feel so heavy in my heart just thinking of how she will take the news. I know she will do anything for me cos she loves me…but what I feel for her is not love anymore…its sympathy.
She is young…she can always find someone else to marry her but she wont listen…she says its me or no one else…and she is ready to wait for me to divorce my wife….what she does not know is I have no intention of divorcing my wife…please I need your advise.
Should I tell her the truth or let her keep waiting or make her my naija wife just to compensate her? I just want to do the right thing…I know I have wronged her but I cant leave my wife and kid. Please advise.
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