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My Brother & Family Are Against The Woman I Love -Pls Advise


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My Brother & Family Are Against The Woman I Love -Pls Advise

Please help me tackle this matter. I am a single guy of 32 years old. I dated a few girls but did not go well. I would like to settle down this year God willing but I have a serious situation and I need your help.

My elder brother, while single was dating two ladies at the same time. The ladies found out and all hell broke. My brother could not decide who he wanted to settle down with but with family intervention, he chose one of the ladies. Unfortunately for him, the lady he didn’t choose got pregnant for him that same month.

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This lady was heartbroken and almost had an abortion but I spoke to her and told her to keep the baby since she loves my brother, so she will still have a piece of him to love for the rest of her life. She kept the pregnancy.

My brother played his part by taking responsibility of the pregnancy. But after the baby was born, his wife became jealous and so he had to put some boundaries between them. He only communicated with the baby mama through me. He sent her money through me. And that is how we became close.

I tried to be a support system for my brother’s baby mama cos she really didn’t have anyone. I was there during the naming ceremony, I stood in for my brother…I was there to support her during all the baby’s hospital visits, etc. I actually begin to develop feelings for my brother’s baby mama.

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I discovered this woman is smart, kind and very pretty. It pained me to see her being dumped by my own brother. A year later, she got a job in another town and she wanted to move. I was sad to see her go and we agreed I would come visit. We communicated via phone chats and video call when she eventually moved.

About 8 months after they moved, she convinced me to come visit them…and I did. On getting to her place, she jumped on me for a big bear hug. We realized we both missed each other so much. That night, she would not let me go to a hotel. We spent the night in each other’s arms…making love like two hungry starved s*x addicts.

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Please do not judge me but my brother’s baby mama and I have been dating for a while now. Of course, hiding it from my brother. But as it is, its been almost 5 months and I love this woman so much that I want to inform my brother and our family.

With much persuasion, I convinced her that we should tell everyone. She was scared of what people would think. So eventually…when we broke the news to our both families, her family was very happy for us but mine especially my brother became irate and said I cannot marry her cos she is his baby mama and she is family by that reason. That I cannot marry someone who has a child for my blood brother.

I personally do not see anything wrong with that. They share a child but they were never married and as far as I am concerned….being with this lady is not wrong cos its even better that someone in the family becomes father to her son who is already family in itself.

My family are saying no. And to make matters worse, they are accuse her of doing everything to get hooked by myself and my brother. And this is making her scared. And perhaps thinking of saying no to my proposal.

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This is making me really mad. What is so wrong about me being with this woman? She is my brother’s ex yes but my brother is married…why should he or anyone at that be bothered that I fell in love with his ex? This sweet lady in her frustration just called me on phone that she thinks we should break up.

I promised her that I would not give up on her…even if my family objects but she said I should no. Please…what I do to convince both her and my family especially my brother that I love this woman and they have to accept my marriage to her…how do I go about this?

Please advise

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My Brother & Family Are Against The Woman I Love -Pls Advise
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Let her go. If she loves your brother she wouldn’t have been attached to you. And if you respect your brother you wouldn’t have been attached to her.
    Use your brain not your heart. A lot of women are “smart, kind and very pretty” you’ve just met one.

  2. Nna marry someone else for peace to reign ooo biko nna,your brother is not married to her but there is a child involved oooo,think about it. That means you want to become a step dad to your brother’s child, is she the only woman? Please if you still want peace in your family, look for someone else. Leave your brother’s ex alone. Udo!

  3. The best thing to do to avoid problems in ur family is not to marry d lady ,bcos it will create a bigger problem in d future,since ur family her against it.


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