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I Keep Picturing My Fiancée In Her Ex-Lover’s Arms: How Do I Erase These Evil Thoughts?


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I Keep Picturing My Fiancée In Her Ex-Lover’s Arms: How Do I Erase These Evil Thoughts?

My cousin’s fiancée broke up their engagement just a week to their wedding. Well, the wedding was off because of me but really I am not the main reason. So, they have been together for  almost 2 years of off and on relationship. My cousin is a he-goat, he cheated on this girl all the time and she kept on forgiving him until she realized just about a week before her wedding that she would not be able to marry him because could never change or stop being a cheat.

This girl came to me and I advised her. She decided on her own but she and I are close and she came to me for advise and I told her what I would have told any reasonable person: like why stay in a relationship where you know the man will not respect you. Thank God, she listened and even though it was a huge embarrassment especially for her as a girl…I I mean…after all preparation and planning…just a week to wedding….you call it off…her family was devastated…she started to keep away from public cos of the shame.

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Not too long…like 4 months after, she found out that the foolish guy had gotten someone pregnant and they were planning to wed traditionally. This girl was devastated and came to me….I started telling her not to bother cos God saved her from this useless man. It was from there, we started being friends and gradually started to like each other.

We dated for like  year before I made my intentions known to her. I proposed to her. Her family, everyone knew about us. Some were worried that I was with someone my cousin once dated and almost married. I told them I did not care. We had formed a bond and she is a really nice girl. I loved her sincerity and kind heart.

All these while, my cousin never even asked me how I started to date his ex fiancée. I also did not bother to call him to discuss. But when he heard we were going to get married, he called me and told me to forget about this girl. That she is not who I think she is. I asked him why did he say that….he said she is a loose girl and that even after they broke up before their wedding…he still had s*x with her twice.

I was like its a lie….I genuinely thought my cousin was jealous and wanted to revenge on his ex. I told him to f*ck off. I battled within myself whether to confront my woman on the accusation…I battled for two weeks. I was watching her…asking her questions to see if she had gone back…I asked her if she still loves her ex….she got offended …infact…I threw several test questions to her but I could not come out straight.

Two weeks later, I summoned courage and called her. I told her what my cousin…her ex fiancée said. That she had s*x with him twice after they broke up. You see…this girl is very gentle and cannot even lie very well….cos initially…she said no…but I could see fear in her eyes…she started to stammer and eventually started to cry. And finally admitted it.

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According to her…a few weeks after they broke up….after they called off their wedding…he came crying and begging her…promising her he would change. He booked them a ticket to Ghana which was supposed to be their honey moon. And she was very vulnerable at the time…being around him in the hotel suite that was supposed to be their honeymoon …she allowed him to make love to her.

Soon after…she realized she made a mistake and returned to her senses. She cried all through the trip back to Nigeria. That the second time it happened. He showed up in her place like a month after. That he was suicidal. Infact…he had with him sniper and was ready to drink it. She had no choice but to promise to take him back. He spent the night in her house: they made love.

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That she had to call his parents the next day and threatened to get a police restraining order. That was when he stopped coming to her. Coupled with the fact that she found out that he got someone pregnant barely 3 months after. She realized he was playing her as usual. I sat there listening to her tales and I did not know whether to believe her or not. Why did she not tell me before now? She said we had not started dating and she felt ashamed of going back to her vomit twice.

That is my problem: do I believe her or do you think she is capable of going back to this cousin of mine the next time he pulls a fast prank on her? Its been a year plus…will she be over him now? Why does it seem this guy has power over her after how he treated her? She is arguing that it happened before we started dating and she has never contacted him after we started dating…is this enough for me to believe her?

All I keep picturing is her in her ex arms…its driving me insane…

Please advise…




Photo Credit:developattraction


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I Keep Picturing My Fiancée In Her Ex-Lover's Arms: How Do I Erase These Evil Thoughts?
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. She was probably vulnerable at that time like she said, that doesn’t mean bshe’s lose like he claimed. She may have bring stupid and naive to keep falling for him, but I’m sure no one is above mistakes. I believe you love her for a reason, search yourself if you can see beyond all these and make it work

  2. If you love her go ahead and marry her, do not allow distractions from your cousin or who soever. If you love her don’t dwell in her past,forget about your cousin. You already love some sweet qualities in her ,so why allow anyone tell you shit about her? Happy wedding in advance

  3. The joy that your cousin couldn’t get is what he is trying to stop you from getting. Go ahead with the girl if you love her, she is not loose.
    Come to think of it, you that went for your cousin’s ex – are you too good?


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