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We Started An Affair While He Was Engaged But He Is Obsessed & Will Not Let Me Go-Pls Advise


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We Started An Affair While He Was Engaged But He Is Obsessed & Will Not Let Me Go-Pls Advise

Hello ma,

Please post for me. I really just need good advise, no need for abuse from others. So, my room mate is dating a very wealthy man. The man pays for her school fees, rent and everything, the man is married but he says he can marry up to four wives as his religion allows. His first wife is always travelling…So, he is planning to marry my room mate as his second wife.

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The thing is that my room mate gave him conditions that she will only marry him until after she has finished school and she must remain a virgin until then. So, he is waiting and taking care of her. But then, this man noticed me and took my number. Since then, he calls me and tells me he wants me…that my room mate is keeping herself but he has temptations.

I initially refused but this man kept insisting. I told my friend and she told me to go ahead and eat this guy’s money after all…its not bad cos he can even marry a third and a fourth wife. So, I agreed. We started seeing each other secretly. This man is very generous. I been seeing him for over two years now. I got pregnant for him and I wanted to remove it….he said his religion is against abortion.

My issue is that…I cannot be a wife no 3. I am not sharing the same religion with him. Besides, my room mate will now know that I have been betraying her all these while. This girl had been nothing but nice to me, I couldn’t do it to her. So, I told him I will not have the baby…that I will have an abortion. Do you know he threatened to arrest me if I did?

So, I told my friend and he said I should lie to him that I miscarried. That I did and he was very suspicious. He said he will take me to his own doctor to check if I miscarried. I don’t know what to do now. I am so scared. I eventually told him no that I lied. He was so angry but I begged and seduced him with s8x….after s8x, he calmed down. We became lovers again. I made sure I continued to take my contraceptives.

Last November, he and my room mate got married. Even the night before their wedding, he came running to me for s8x. I then told him that I want to end things cos I want him to concentrate on his wife and me too, I want to find someone to marry me. He agreed. So,since then, he has not contacted me again.

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Until last month, he says he wants me back. That he is not enjoying s8x with his new wife, my former room mate. That she cannot take care of him like me. I then told him no that I already have a boyfriend and I cant be his side chick anymore. He has two wives,….that should be enough to satisfy him but he says the first wife is not happy he took a second wife so she barely allows him to sleep with her and his new wife is not good in bed. That she just lies down there like a log.

That he wants me cos I am very experienced and all he thinks is that he has to marry me. I already told him I cannot marry someone who is already married to other women. He then said then I should be his mistress. He promised to buy me a house, cars, etc. I said no…no…I now have a boyfriend….do you know what he then did?

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This guy sends me nude pictures that I sent to him when we were together and is threatening to post them online if I do not agree to continue to be his side chick. No doubt, he is a powerful man. The police cannot protect me from him if I report him for blackmail. I am stuck with him. I feel so powerless. My friend is advising me to be his side chick, collect as much money as I can from him and then run away to another city or another country where I will be free from him.

Please advise me. Should I take my friend’s idea, continue as his side chick….or should I dare him to post the pictures or should I tell his wives? I also thought of flipping this whole thing on him. Why don’t I set him up on social media…tell the whole world that he is threatening me to be his side chick…I could leak our conversation online?

My only fear is that he may try to expose me eventually…my boyfriend and family will find out and be embarrassed…its like there is no way out…he keeps saying things like he owns me…that I cannot leave him… he is just obsessed with me…some say its love but why does it feel like a prison?

I am so afraid and confused…what is my best option?


Photo Credit:iStock



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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. My sister you are yet to make up your mind on what you want,make up your MIND first. You are still enticed by what you are getting from him,you are very materialistic. Your mind is still with him probably because of the houses and cars he has promised you. If you have decided to leave him alone,then inform your boyfriend and family members about him,then the police. If he insist on putting your nude on social media, then let him go ahead,it is better to be free than to be in bondage all because of some nonsense threat. He is very promiscuous, he can marry upto 100 wives,so he didn’t know your room mate wasn’t good on bed before marrying her abi .Odiegwu, Ihe nka √≤ rice

  2. Honestly sister, your greed and covetousness led you to this, I warn you flee for FORNICATION AND ABORTION, I wish you know the extent of the abortion you did, you committee murder. So this is how some men waste their money on women but wont care for some of their friends, some men are really foolish, sister you were greedy all the while. That friend that told you to date him and make as much money you can is an EVIL person, why do many of you ladies love greed like this, I really pity you sister. Flee from evil sister. GOD bless you

  3. […] marriage me and my ex boyfriend we have been having an affair for years […]


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