I WANT A BABY!!!
“Honey, are you OK?” He asked waking up.
His wife was crying in the wee hours of the night. She woke him up with her tears of pain that said all was not well.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” He got worried sitting up.His wife seemed weak, tired, defeated.She handed to him something in his hand, “Look, I’ve tested negative again” she told him.It was a pregnancy test strip.He knew how much this broke her heart.He reached to her, placing the test strip aside to hold her.
“I want a baby, but my body can’t make one” she cried.
She looked at him and continued “It’s been ten years. Ten good years since we got married and I’m barren. I haven’t given us even one child. My womb is dead, why this?” she lamented.
“Honey, it’s OK. We’ll keep trying” he consoled her.
“I get tired my love, you should have married another” She sounded frustrated moving away from him.
“Don’t say that… Don’t ever think that!” his volume increased.
“Yes!! What kind of a woman, a wife Am I if I can’t carry a child? We will grow old childless yet when we were courting we talked about our family, about the number of kids we’ll have, but I am failing” she cried.
“No!! no!! no!!! Honey, listen to me. I love you, this is not your burden, this is ours..” he spoke.
“I wish I was like other women; fertile, child bearing. How I see them raising their kids, hugging them” she broke down
“I should be giving you children, you deserve a family. Will I ever get to feel how it is to breastfeed? To be pregnant? To give birth? To have one of my own that I carried?” She poured out her heart, her tears flowing.
“It’s so sad, so unfair how I desperately want to be a mother yet so many blessed but ungrateful mothers out there discard, reject and mistreat their own children. God is this fair? What did I do to deserve this?” She cried in anger.
“I have tried everything; I have tried to do right, to eat well, sleep well… I have done my best. What are your parents thinking of me? Your family? You married a half woman” she wallowed further
He took charge of the conversation, grabbed her face by firmly holding her cheeks.“Honey, stop this!! Stop bashing yourself! I will not have you thinking such sad thoughts..no Honey!” He commanded.
She kept quiet.
“You are not half a woman; you are my wife, my amazing wife! You, I, we have talked about kids. Kids or no kids, I love you. We are not God. If He chooses, it shall be. We shall play our part. I married you for you, not for children. Children are a gift, not a right. God is in control. Do not tear us apart or put yourself down. Please, I beg you. Use your energy to live, to believe and not in pity” He wiped her tears.”Come here, let us pray” he pulled her inside his arms. He prayed fervently that dark night, he had tears too, pleading before God, the giver of children for a miracle.He closed the prayer; she was asleep in his arms.
She was exhausted by all the crying she had been doing
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Counsellor Francis Pinwilliams