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I Finally Found A Man Who Wants To Marry Me But I Am Ashamed To Be With Him-Pls Advise


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I Finally Found A Man Who Wants To Marry Me But I Am Ashamed To Be With Him-Pls Advise

My name is Bella(Not real name). I am 42 years old, single with a very good career and I live very comfortably. A friend of mine encouraged me to post my story. Maybe I will get good advice here. But kindly post as anonymous. As I said, I am single but not by desire.

I have been in relationships, some lasted 6 months and some, three years but eventually…it didn’t work out and today, at the top of my career, the only child of my parents among my siblings that is not yet married and you know what that means when your younger siblings have children that are over 10 years old and call you big aunty. It’s embarrassing but what can I do…I can’t kill myself if I cant find a man that is ready to settle down with me…

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I have dated rich guys, average guys, and even broke guys. All I want is a guy that can understand me and we can have a meaningful conversation as partners. Sadly…the closest guy to meet this description turned out to be married. After crying for days when I found out, I picked myself up and decided maybe it’s my faith to remain single.

However, my security man came to me last December. He told me that he wants to go back to his village for Christmas and he will not be returning.  He has decided to go back and farm cos his father is old and needs his help with the farm. I have known Aminu (not real name) for over 8 years, he is a faithful security guard so I asked him to find someone who can replace him….someone he trusts.

Aminu told me his relative Musa (not real name) will be coming to replace him. I met Musa in December. He spoke fairly good English because he unlike Aminu has an OND. I liked him immediately. He resumed and I took him like family just like I took Aminu. Now, my security guards sometimes act as houseboys for me, so they can come inside my apartment and do some chores too.

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Musa was hands-on. He was neat and kept my home very neat. A few weeks later, I fell ill and could not go to work for two days. Musa was my guy, running errands and just being there to help me. One night I was running a fever…he did not want to leave my side. He then spoke up and said madam….don’t be afraid but why are you not married…you are beautiful and have everything, why no man to take care of you….

I looked at him, wondering how he got the boldness to ask me this question. I was too weak to answer so I just told him…no man wants me. I think he took pity on me but he was like, if he had money, he would marry me and take care of me. I laughed but told him thank you.

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The drugs didn’t help that night. I was very hot and my fever was going so high that Musa became alarmed…he was on the phone with my doctor who kept telling him to use a cold compress on me until morning when I can be brought to the hospital. It really didn’t work so Musa told me he had some herbal tea that could really help. At that point, I told him to get it.

Musa told me that the tea might have side effects but will help take away my fever. I took the tea and within 20mins…I slept off. I woke up by 9 am the next day. I woke up feeling very funny. The tea made me feel very good…in fact very very good. I felt well and also damn horny. Wetness and a strong urge for s*x. I was alarmed. I asked Musa what he gave me…he said its a herb that helps with fever but can also be used for other things like libido booster.

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We joked and laughed about the fact that I was experiencing such high libido when I don’t have anyone I can enjoy this with. I became well a few days later and I found out that I fell in love with Musa’s herbal tea. It really made me feel good. All these northern magic.  I just discovered was just thrilling. It also was a form of detox…so, I started drinking it as my morning tea.

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Musa came inside to help clean my dishes one evening and while he was there, I began to have strong feelings for him. I began to fantasize me having s8x with him. I was ashamed for even thinking that. But I discovered I was always calling him to come to help me do something…I just wanted him around me…I don’t know…maybe to try and see if he catches the hint that I fancy him.

My opportunity came one morning, I needed someone to help zip up my dress and I called Musa…Musa came in to try to help zip and I took his hands and put it on my breast. He was surprised but I knew I was losing my senses…I wanted Musa to make love to me…I was crossing a boundary and I did not have the sense to stop myself.

Musa looked at me and started to respond. Long story short…I had s*x with Musa. Musa is a beast in that regard. He certainly knew how to handle a woman. And that is how I started a relationship with Musa ….my security guard. Blame it on the herbal tea but I was beyond reasoning. I was discovering a part of myself I never knew existed.

I wanted him more and more. And now, at 42 years old…I just discovered that I am pregnant for my Musa…my security man. Musa loves me and treats me like his queen…he wishes he could marry me…so he says…but I could never bring myself to marry him…one…he is of a different religion….our families will never agree…secondly….he could never fit in my circles….I would be the laughing stock.

That I married someone who was my domestic staff and barely gone to school whereas, I have two master’s degrees. I know I should have thought of all these before sleeping with him but I never knew we would develop feelings for each other. The age difference is also a factor. Musa is 26 years old but he is so mature in thinking.

I know I cannot do anything but have this child cos at my age…I may never bear a child. But I am not sure I should keep Musa around …he cannot know I am pregnant for him. I have to fire him. I been struggling to bring myself to tell him that his services are no longer required…he has never wronged me… if anything….he has made me a very happy woman…a very s8xually satisfied one at that….its just that I want to keep this baby but no one needs to know Musa is the father…some may even say Musa used charm on me…oh my God.

So, I got an agent to find me another security guard so I can replace Musa at the end of the month…a few days ago…Musa and I were just fooling around and he looked at me and said: Bella, you are pregnant and I want you to know I am very happy…you have made me very happy…I will love you and take care of you for the rest of your life…I promise you, I will never disappoint you.

Now,….I am stuck with guilt about my plan to let him go….especially now he knows I am pregnant. Musa has been so sweet to me ….now, I am beginning to think: can we actually be together as married man and woman? What will everyone think of us?….will I be happy with marrying someone who is from a different world and faith as myself? Maybe if I got him a job and sent him back to school…will that work? He already fits the kind of man I want in the sense that he understands me and knows me in and out and he is ever so supportive and sweet and kind…

I just don’t know how to explain that I eventually married a man I am almost twice his age,what if he later finds a younger girl to be with and dumps me later…don’t forget ….he is beyond my spec and he is from a different religion….how do I even begin to make this work? I am dreaming right…this could never work right…please advise me…



Photo Credit:iStock


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I Finally Found A Man Who Wants To Marry Me But I Am Ashamed To Be With Him-Pls Advise
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello. I will be honest with you, I want you to know that sex before marriage is SIN, you seem to trust people so much, it may lead to your trouble, you think Musa is stupid, he sees a rich lady of cos he will act gentlemanly and come across nice to deceive you to think he is good guy, you allowed enter your house doing chores, collected tea from him, I believe there is something more to Musa, you even joked about being horny with him, you really crossed boundary, you said he made you happy and sexually satisfied woman….dear Sister, lust has taken over you not love, I bet you that guy will milk you and dump, don’t you hear stories of women that experience these things from men, all the menyou dated nothing good came out, the one you thought was good was a bloody liar and never told you he is married, the Musa guy said if he was rich he would have married you, this is how men do they joke with you and make you laugh and you they really love you, you even said you told musa to zip your dress…who does that really, love and lust aren’t related, like you said you tell him to come do something for you inside maybe to let him know you fancy him, it’s not even advisable to live alone with your gateman, I don’t know if it’s just you living in the while house without Neighbors, it is very risky all these domestic workers are very dangerous and will act all nice and good so you won’t suspect there evil plan against you. As for the pregnancy, he knows, he even told you and he is happy, I think this guy doesn’t mean well for you at all, he has seen he can get a good life from you, he is 26 years, so you think he will ever marry you or what, he will use you to be rich and dump and say he thought he loved you and that he is sorry after he has collected so much money from you. Pls FIRE him quickly but before firing him, tell family members, tell them what happened, then a meeting should be next, then discuss how he can be seeing the baby, musa may plan evil when he knows you want to fire him and eventually fire him, I don’t support you living alone Sister, I don’t see Musa as a nice person you think he is at all. If you have brothers that can be there when firing Musa, pls let them be there so incase he wants to harm you, pls don’t think Musa is all you think he is, people these days are evil and wicked, pls once is fired pls don’t live in that house, go stay with a friend or family and move as fast as you can. There are to many stories of domestic workers killing their bosses cos of misunderstanding. I wish you the best Sister. GOD bless you.

  2. My dear I feel every pain you are going through right now,but just calm down,all is already well. What you should do is to make sure that Musa goes back to school, get him another apartment and also a job,it could be a part time program. If you are sure he loves you and you also love him, you can make him the man you have ever desired,there is nothing bad. He can always visit you from the new apartment, and let me tell you there is nothing to he ashamed of,no matter Musa’s age ,a man will still be a man. He already knows you are pregnant, this means you have to give birth to the child,congratulations to you ! As for the religion, both of you can still practice different religion for now and I know with time he will accept your religion but make sure you don’t sound or look too bossy oooo. Note that no marriage for now until you are sure that he wants you for who you are not minding your money,age ,class,background. Thank God he is a bit learned,atleast he has OND. Congratulations to you ma’am, it is well with you

  3. Help Musa become a better person. Sponsor him and get him another job or start up a trade. You don’t have to make the decision to marry him now and you don’t have to introduce him to anyone until you are sure of what you want. Focus on having your baby and being happy with what you have.

  4. Like someone said before make your findings about Musa properly. He probably planned everything with his brother that left. The heart of man is desperately wicked so don’t be too quick to trust him. If everything turns out to be true, you still have his religion to deal with. I believe your religion doesn’t permit marrying from another religion that’s why it’s an issue for you too so I don’t see you two being together. I believe you should talk to your spiritual head about this or someone very matured in the same faith with you. But please be careful about Musa. You can have your baby n he can visit if he wants but then he can’t continue working with you or you find another apartment to stay so he remains employed. All the best

  5. Hmm mm.I support fisayo suggestion . the best thing u can do for him is to establish him n let him be far way from u. And pray for God direction as well.

  6. The Best advice from Aki and Nosa. They have said it all. Sister, look before you leap bcos all that glitters is not gold. You are 42 and Musa is 26,you are of different religion. Hmmm!! Hope you know Musa religion permits him to marry as many wives as he can. You think Musa will live all his youthful age with you? Don’t allow your emotions to becloud your reasoning. Love and lust are very deceptive. Now and tomorrow are two mysterious things. Now,you see Musa as all you want in a man ,do you also think of what he sees in your you tomorrow? You know very well that tomorrow is heavily pregnant and no one can say what tomorrow will bear. Yes,u can send Musa to school and place him to be your class but remember life is not all about that. My sincere advise to u is to go on your knees and ask God to direct your reasoning and actions. Don’t allow the sweetness of sex today to destroy the sweetness of your marriage tomorrow. Did you tell Musa you are pregnant? How did he come to know about it? The tea cure your fever and increase your libido for sex. Be careful, it’s better to be a happy single lady than to be a frustrated married woman. I wish you all the best and I pray to God to guide and direct you.


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