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Is This A Red Flag? Can He Change…?


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Is This A Red Flag? Can He Change…?


Good after Sis…please hide my I.D.

Am a lady of 24yrs old….I have been dating this guy for over a year now, I do visit him once/2wice in a week during the Covid-19/Student strikes.  And he gave me his house key, bcoz he asked for my hand in marriage and I accepted…..but because am still schooling the did has not be done(Dowry).

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Few months in d relationship I came to his place bcoz I was calling his phones and he was not picking, I came to his place and caught him red handed on bed with a lady….He almost ran mad seeing me, I was disappointed and wanted leaving but he refused me rather asked the other lady to leave I didn’t act, I even went as length of asking the lady her name, what she wanted eating and to feel relaxed….but my fiancee asked her to dress up and leave which she did, then he started begging calling friends to beg on his behalf  that he really wants to settle down with me…

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Last year December he came and met my parents making his intentions known to them…Few days ago was his birthday, am schooling in another state and I told him am writing Exams so I visited unannounced just to  surprise him and caught him red-handed again for the second time with another lady …the gift and cake I bought for him….I couldn’t help it ….

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He told the girl am his woman he wants  settling down with but has not paid my Dowry with the annoyance I slapped him and in the presence of the girl he slapped me back twice and I  wanted leaving and immediately he started apologising……

please note the young man loves me so much, pays my bill with the little he earns, and he said he wants coming to pay my bride price next month…am confused should I go Ahead or will such still repeat in marriage?  Insult is accepted I know my faults.  Plz I need advice on this….

Sorry for the long post.

From: marriage Seminar extra

Photo Credit:Istock


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  1. Hello Sister. That you found out twice doesn’t mean he has only done it twice, and for the records, let it be known to you that SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE IS A TERRIBLE SIN, whether you take it or not it doesn’t change it, I guess you too might have had sex with him. The choice is yours. You said he loves you so much, pays your bills, of cos he will see you as someone that he can always apologise to since he pays your bill. All the best Sister. GOD bless you.

  2. My sister,run as fast as your legs can carry you.It is a big red flag that can not be ignore,take it or leave it that guy is a real womanizer it does not even stop at that he is a woman beater.if you get married to him he will abuse you emotionally even that bills he is paying now you will beg for it and not see.He is using the bills payment to keep you to himself.You slap him and he slap you twice in the presence of another lady in a relationship then what happens if you caught him cheating in marriage he will beat you and then apologise.He does not even care how those ladies you are caughing him with will feel.Sit down and think over it if you are ready to face the consequences that comes with getting married to a cold hearted man

  3. How old are you again? Please take your time when it comes to relationships no hurry in life that guy will cheat and cheat and yet again cheat cos its in his nature and cos he sees u want d relationship too much a man saying he wants to marry and can’t commit is not ready for marriage and you need to have a direction for your life focus on school wish you all the best

  4. Bia nne did you just say the young man loves you,ashi bakwa(it means God forbid). That guy is a serial cheat,he is just playing and deceiving you,using dowry and marriage to deceive you. You better wake up,you have caught him red handed two times,this was because you didn’t tell him you were coming,what about the other days you didn’t go to his place nko,this guy na confirm player. To be frank,don’t marry that guy if you do,sorry be your name ooo.

  5. I don’t know what people think courtship is all about. All these signs are been shown to you while not married and all you can consider is the bills he pays for you. Have you even consider what his cheating act is doing to your sanity?

    Well, I would advise you to consider what you want out of life and if this man who has cheated on you twice and Even had the guts to hit you is what you want in a man. I had suggest you take a break from the relationship, I know calling it quit will be difficult since he is someone you love and have gotten attached to. Just take a break, avoid him and any means he will reach to you. Let him use the break you are giving to him to learn how to value you. Let him know you are more than enough and he has no reason whatsoever to cheat or to hit you.

    You deserve better my dear.

  6. Cheating on you is bad but is definitely not a red flag. You may want to allow yourself sometime before taking that bold step again.


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