Our Marriage Was A Secret For Ten Years But I Can No Longer Remain In The Shadows
Juicy(not real name) and I were in an off-and-on relationship for three years. I was shuttling between Nigeria and South Africa. My business is in South Africa. I eventually got engaged to an American girlfriend who is also my business partner in South Africa. I told Juicy it’s over between us, it’s not like we were that serious anyway.
Juicy pleaded with me not to break up with her. That she has been with other guys but it’s me that she really loves. I told her I like her a lot but its time for me to think about my future. Marrying my girlfriend is not just about love, I love her but we are also in business, she holds a very strategic role in the future of my business.
I was not going to jeopardize my business by not marrying my American girlfriend. You see, I had a plan of expanding the business into America, and being married to an American, whom I also love will be helpful in achieving the goals.
Juicy pleaded with me that she would remain a secret. That our relationship would not be known by my wife or anyone that knows us. So, we got married traditionally, just out of respect for her father cos he would never agree to our plan without me marrying the daughter. Our traditional marriage rights were done six months after my wedding to Sue (my American girlfriend).
Almost ten years later, life has been relatively peaceful and business has been great. Sue and Juicy are not aware of each other. I have no children with Sue yet while I have one girl and one boy with Juicy. Well, until last year. Because of the pandemic, I could not travel to Nigeria at all to see Juicy and the children. I tried to keep in touch on phone but the lockdown made it difficult…Sue was always around me…if I talked too much on the phone, she could get suspicious.
This made Juicy very paranoid…and she started having an affair with a politician. I did not know about this but I just noticed she started becoming detached in our conversations. I asked her what was wrong several times and she just said nothing…I knew something was wrong so I asked her, I think you are cheating on me.
To my surprise, she didn’t deny it and said: and what if I am. I was like, so you do not deny it. She just said: I pushed her. That for one year, she has been without a man and she is a full-blooded woman. That is she tired of being alone in Nigeria, raising the kids alone… I understood her plight but I told her it was not enough for her to cheat and she said…what do I care about her sleeping with other men when I have my own wife.
I told myself that I did not care if she is sleeping with other men but the truth is…I care. In fact… it’s driving me nuts. I was able to travel to see her and the kids in November. To my surprise, Juicy asked me for a divorce. That she no longer wants to be married to someone who has a wife while she remains in secret. Her family supported her. I pleaded with her cos I cannot bear the thought of losing her.
This may sound crazy or even selfish but I realize now that it’s Juicy that I truly love. She gets me, I am very much myself with her…whereas, with Sue, it’s more of a business marriage. Our marriage is actually the force behind my business expansion but I really love Juicy more. Juicy is getting married to the Politician next month and I am losing my mind.
I could make the biggest mistake of my life if Juicy goes ahead with marrying this man. My family is with Juicy and I don’t want to lose them. I don’t want another man to be a father to my children but I cannot divorce Sue for her. I would lose everything… it’s not yet time…maybe if Juicy gives me like five more years…I could find a way to file for a divorce from Sue but she won’t listen.
This whole thing is affecting me. I have sent several people to beg Juicy. Yet, she remains adamant. I know it was selfish of me to keep Juicy a secret but she wanted it that way. I would not have been in love with her and focused on my wife but I am scared of losing my family: Juicy and my children. If only Juicy can wait a little bit more….less than five years.
How do I change her mind and stop this wedding to the politician from taking place? I need advice…
The above story was actually sent by me, Juicy. I am helping my baby daddy to send this story to LS. I was originally married traditionally to this guy for 10 years but I am done living a secret life. I found someone who loves me and is proud of me. Tell me, why should I continue to be a secret? If you were in my shoes, what would you do? I love my baby daddy but he has his American wife and business…I deserve to live my dreams and be happy…don’t I?
He says I should give him five more years but what if after that, he changes his mind, I would regret missing this opportunity to marry my lover, right? My children deserve a father who is not hiding them from the world.
For 10 years, I supported him, honored my decision to remain in the shadows while he built a business empire. Today, he is rich and has businesses in South Africa, Ghana, and the US. Yet, he chose to stay with his American wife who gave him no children. He even says they are not sleeping together but yet….he still wants us to remain a secret.
Both of us will be reading the responses and opinions of the members of LS…thank you in advance for your honest and objective advice.
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