My Husband And I Are Not S8xually Compactible-Will This Destroy Our Marriage?
Terry and I have been friends since Camp. We met in the same fellowship. Our service year was very fun but I had a boyfriend whom I thought I was going to get married to. Unfortunately, the dude cheated on me and we broke up. I was very heartbroken for a while but Terry was a very good friend and when we started developing feelings, I did not want him to be a rebound so I told him, no intimacy when he made it official that he was in love with me.
Our relationship was that of deep trust. We went through so many things together. Even starting our career, saving for our future, passing through family challenges. We were grateful that we were able to actualize our dream of getting married two years later. Two years of being celibate were no joke.
As best friends, we talked about s8x after marriage and how we will be very considerate of the other person when it comes to the issue of s8x. Well, we had a great time during our honeymoon. My man was the best …he was very gentle and very loving and the experience was very pleasurable..
However, I noticed that he seemed to always be in the mood for s8x. We thought it was the excitement of being able to do it now that we are married but my husband was ready to do this thing almost every two hours during our honey mood. I was exhausted and then he let me rest a bit and was ready to go again.
Weeks into my marriage, it dawned on me that my husband has a huge s8xual appetite. We could be doing it for three straight hours…I would come four times and he does not seem tired at all. It became me always asking for time to rest. He laughed at my plight but still, he was very understanding.
Two months after marriage…I got pregnant. I was not surprised…my husband barely let me rest every night. I was happy and so was he. But with pregnancy, came tiredness and I was not into s8x so much in the early stage of my pregnancy. I mean, I still loved s8x but I could not go more than an hour when my husband wanted his usual 3 hours and at least twice a day.
He tried to be understanding but he started complaining that he was feeling very frustrated and worried that he may not be able to have s8xual satisfaction until the baby is born after like 6 months to one year after. I told him to be considerate….after…s8x is not food. That statement hurt him so bad.
One day, we were making love and I was seriously tired and in pain…I told him to get off me. I am pregnant and I am tired …I needed to sleep…my husband was hurt but I just couldn’t go on anymore…my body was in pains. He began to sulk and didn’t speak to me for the whole day. I was also upset that he was just being selfish and not thinking about how I feel.
That was the beginning of our challenge. For the months to follow…my husband and I were always fighting…he said I was starving him of s8x while I was trying to give him s8x at least 3 times in a week as a pregnant woman…he wanted it every day and twice a day…minimum of two hours.
We disagreed so much that he swore that he will no longer ask me for s8x and I told him fine. This affected our communication and I went to see a senior pastor in the church. They counseled me and told me to talk to him in love and work out a compromise. I did that. I called my husband, apologized to him, and begged him to be understanding…he agreed…we reached a compromise to have sex at least four times a week but it must be twice a day cos he said he can’t function properly without s8x in the morning and at night.
To God who made me…I tried…but I started feeling tired and sore and angry and less interested …. let’s just say….I could not keep up. He noticed that I could not keep up and he told me that I should forget it…that he would take care of himself. I asked him what he meant by that…he said he would find someone who would take care of him.
That statement broke me down and I didn’t speak to him for almost a month. He too ignored me which was very bad cos I was pregnant and he could not even think of that fact ….that I needed him more than ever. I started to hate my husband and the gap between us grew further. I don’t know who talked to him but he started talking to me again after one month of malice.
However, I was close to giving birth so I was not thinking of s8x at all. We were barely communciating. I suspected he was getting s8x outside but I just refused to think about it cos I was already getting high blood pressure from the pregnancy and all the drama with my husband. I cried several times. It just seemed like our problems were eating daily.
The unkind words we said to each other during arguments were hard to forget. My husband kept saying no one should blame him cos I pushed him out and that being pregnant is never an excuse not to have s8x. Towards my due date…he started being a little kind and I was hoping things would change after the birth of our baby.
To the glory of God…I had a baby boy. We were all happy. Now, all attention was on the baby. We forgot that we were fighting over s8x. I was not allowed to have s8x anyways until after six weeks post-pregnancy. By the sixth week, my husband was all lovey-dovey and all that. I knew his goal…s8x !!!…soon as it was one day after s8x week…he started romancing me.
Well…I was down for it mentally but my body was sore still from the natural childbirth I had. So, while he was trying to have s8x …I was trying so hard not to cry and say ..I don’t want to do this cos I know how he will feel. And he didn’t even notice I was not happy…I became depressed…s8x was causing sadness for me. I just wanted it to be over soon as he started.
That was when he noticed I was being stiff. He looked at me in rage…without asking me what is wrong…without caring and without love and he said…I am out…I cant do this anymore…I want a divorce. S8x is important to me… I don’t want to cheat in my marriage and sin against God and for me not to do that…I cant marry you anymore.
Those were the hardest words ever said to me. I felt so betrayed…why wont he even care…our marriage began to break down after that. That was the last time we had s8x. Even when I swallowed my pride a month later…begged him and tried to seduce him…he didnt even bulge.
My husband started to keep late nights. He stopped going to church too. Everyone prayed for us…kept asking me to pray. I did but after a while…I stopped because I was also angry. If my husband didnt want me. Then …I would not beg him anymore. My husband moved out of the house when our baby was barely seven months old.
I was alone with my baby…and the depression was eating me so deep. My mother had to come get me. I went to stay with my parents until my child was one year old. My husband didnt even check on me or our baby for one day. He however put up social media birthday message for our son. That he did not care about our son or me gave me strength….I got a lawyer and filed for a divorce.
By this time, I found out that he was bringing girls to our house. So, I went to pack the rest of my things. When I got there…I was not expecting him to be at home. But he was. He came out and looked very haggard. He went on his knees and held onto mine and started to beg me…that I should not leave him.
It was a very emotional one…I was crying and he was crying and we ended up having s8x…maybe cos we missed each other so much…but after everything…we talked…for hours. I had to send away the moving truck that came with me to move my things. So, the good news is that we agreed not to divorce but the bad news is…my husband recognises that he has a high libodo and he says even when he was cheating with other girls…they complained that he was just too strong for them.
So, he finally realized it was not me that had the problem but that he may have a s8x addiction. He said he realizes that one woman may not be able to ever satisfy him but he loves me and wants to try and make it work. And that really scares me.
We saw a medical docor who said nothing is wrong with him but advised us to see a psychoanalysist. He referred us to one specialist whom we saw for almost six months but that didnt help. My husband is always…always aroused….and he does not even need to see any thing erotic to become aroused…we do have s8x almost everyday…and he still struggles with erection and arousal.
This feels like a curse….can you imagine…what some people wish they have…mine has it in abundance and its sacry. Just becareful what you wish for …
Strange thing is that my husband was never had a promiscous past. He was not s8xually abused. He was engaging in s8x during secondary school but after he got saved…he never did until he met me. He said he had erections like every other guy and mastuabted once in a while but never for once was he addicted to maybe watching adult films, so his current situation is strange really.
Four days ago, confessed to me that he got so aroused that he went to pay a prostitute to sleep with her but after everything….he couldnt do it because he was feeling terrible that he was about to betray me again…even though I was happy he was honest to me about what he almost did…I realized it made me more scared that this man may never be able to remain faithful for as long as he is struggling with his high libido.
Are there married men and women who have been in this type of situation before? Please how did you manage this problem… what else can we do? We have prayed….we have seen medical psychological help…none had worked…infact…they say nothing is wrong with my husband…that he just has a high libido…
Someone even advised me to let him be himself…allow him to sleep with other women as long as he does not let it affect our marriage!!! I do not see how it will not affect us…
That high libido has now becomea threat to our marriage…is there anything else we can do?