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Our Marriage Is Just Three Years Old But I Am So Frustrated By My Husband’s Habits


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Our Marriage Is Just Three Years Old But I Am So Frustrated By My Husband’s Habits

Good day ma,

I need your advice on this matter.  I have been married for almost three years. My marriage is blessed with a daughter. Everything is going fine but my husband has an attitude that bothers me a lot. Yes, he is the romantic one…yes…he wants me to do certain things to spice up our s8x life which I am not comfortable with.

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Right from the start, he told me he likes kinky things…of which I am not used to but I have to learn, some I don’t enjoy but some I do. I don’t like oral but I do it for him. I also don’t like doing it watching erotic materials but he loves it. He would put in porn and want us to do it watching it. That to me is not right but he explained that it stimulates the mind and gives us great pleasure.

What I didn’t bargain for was the fact that I just discovered that he is chatting with girls on social media and asking them for nude videos or pictures of them. I found out last year and that has been an issue for us. Initially, he apologized and said it was a mistake and he wouldn’t do it again but I found out that a few months later, he was still doing that.

This habit of his has caused us so much trouble. I have talked and talked and even threatened to leave the marriage. He then said I should stop making a huge deal out of this: that he is not cheating…that he has no physical contact with the ladies…that he is just using it for fun.

Because I realized how much he likes nudes…I make nudes and send him pics and videos of me in the nude…he likes them a lot but he is not satisfied…he keeps chatting with these women and they still send him his…His friend whom I talked to, asked me a very silly question: that is it not better he is only looking at videos or pictures or not actually going after these women.

Like I said…my marriage is only three years…I don’t want to divorce. I am committed to making this work, so I am praying for him to come to his senses one day….until I found out that one of the ladies sending him nudes is actually his ex that he was in a relationship with for 4 years. This woman is even married o. And they even chatted that it would be nice for him and her to have a threesome with me….my husband responded to her that would be a dream come through…very dirty and evil-minded woman!…now thinking of having a threesome with me and my husband…I am finished…

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I was so disgusted…that I had to send her a message: that what will she do if another woman is doing this with her husband…and that I will send her nudes to her husband to report her. Yes, I know I should not have done that but I was too hurt by this one…an ex…married for that matter…what does she want again?

This woman who has no shame…had the guts to reply to me saying that women who don’t appreciate their husbands will be forced to share them with other women…and that I can go ahead and show her husband…that he too has his own fun, so all is good. Now, I realize that reporting to her will do no harm but there is one thing I think I can do: post her on social media.

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Embarrass her and her husband…leak our chats where she said her husband too is seeing other women and that I should relax cos my husband belongs to other women not only me…do you know when my husband found out what I did…all he said was: you will use your hand to drive me into other women’s hands if I continue like this.

Tell me…where did I go wrong in all of these? How am I driving him to other women even after all I been doing to satisfy him…I engage in all kinds of s8xual behavior just to make him happy…yet he keeps on embarrassing me…now, these women are laughing at me…saying I am not the owner of my husband…I realize they are doing all these to frustrate me and push me out of my marriage.

I am really frustrated…my husband is a community husband it seems…people are saying I either accept who he is or I leave…after all…other married men are doing worse…how can I ever save my marriage? Please advise me…is this a lost cause? what am I even fighting for…for a man that just keeps embarrassing me?

I feel weak and helpless…that is why I feel like exposing all these ladies online…what else can I do? This is too much… Please advise me….



Photo Credit:convenanteyes


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Do not expose anybody and don’t talk to any of your husband’s girlfriends again. Just overlook,I know it is not easy but that is the best you can do so you don’t do something bad to yourself or to your husband, you know anger can set in. Just keep doing what he wants and be careful so he doesn’t infect you,I know one day he will realise his wrong and come to senses. It is well with you my sister

  2. Ma I understand that you feel hurt, humiliated and cheated but please don’t do what you plan doing. Vengeance is mine says the Lord, I know you might not like this but you can only win this battle on your knees. Engage in three days fasting and prayers use Ps35,109, 91 to pray during this 3days, then at 12am at midnight use the psalms too. Ask God to put eternal separation between your husband and strange women. Then watch God take over this battle. This too shall pass. I await your testimony.

  3. Please dearie hold your peace and step up your game. Since he’s trying so hard to be a community man form like you’re not interested when you see these chats of his, ensure that he knows that you’ve see his chats then start forming that you’re a community woman too, dress hot to kill and start forming phone calls with nobody like you’re going to send them your nudes and all then ensure you’re doing it to his face while acting too let’s see if he will like the dish he’s serving you. Don’t feel threatened or over anxious for nothing just hold your peace and act unconcerned, his mind will judge him.

  4. My dear sister, first stop sending him your nudes, it’s wrong to send your nudes even to your husband, if his phone gets into another person’s hand nko…pls stop it. Your husband is a very wicked and greedy man, also know that it’s not your fault if he is commiting adultery, he is 100% responsible for it not you. I think you should file for divorce, it’s a ground for divorce, and pls get proofs, leave him to do his nonsense, pls file for divorce, he is not remorseful and repentant and may never be, is it until he gives you sexual transmitted disease, how are you sure you don’t have std sef..pls go for check up, pls go for it, if you stay in this marriage, you will go into depression, your anger will keep building and it may lead you to do something you will regret, the bible said what GOD has joined together, let no man put asunder, when a spouse is commiting adultery he or she has put asunder by sleeping with another person not his or her spouse. Pls file for divorce, you husband knows you are simple and he can always manipulate you, also stop the oral sex, if you don’t like it pls stop, drop watching porn, it’s demonic to watch porn you think those pornstars care about the viewers, they are in it for the money, any thing don’t like in sex stop it, marriage doesn’t mean you should be gullible, love is kind not selfish, your husband is selfish and greedy, pls stand your ground. PLS FILE FOR DIVORCE SISTER. I hate when people take advantage of their spouses.GOD bless you sister.

  5. Are you staying because ‘you want to stay married and make your marriage work by all means’ or because you love him? You have 2 options, either you stay and be miserable cos obviously he doesn’t value you and with time he will bring them to your home, also try and delete your nudes from his phone so he doesn’t use them against you tomorrow. Stop anything that doesn’t make you happy. 2- you can leave with your peace of mind intact and sound health. Life is short so choose your cross wisely while you are alive.


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