HomeAdviceCohabiting with four kids down, no sign to pay dowry. Should i...

Cohabiting with four kids down, no sign to pay dowry. Should i take back my cousin?


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Good morning, please conceal my I’d.i don’t base in Nigeria.i came back February, there’s this cousin of mine I love so much,she is married.we normally chat when so I told her I will be coming back to Nigeria to fix one or two things.so I told her to help me get a place to stay for the mean time I will be staying in nigeria.

she the insisted I come stay with them.so I agreed.wen I entered the house I was looking at the walls at least to see pictures of traditional marriage photo or their white wedding photos.i can’t see any,so I relax after spending days I asked her about photos.

she told me the husband have not paid a dime on her.the one that pained me most is that she already has 4kids.so I called her father who is my uncle if he’s aware of everything? he said have seen the guy which is the husband but he has not seen any member of the guys family before.so I asked the mother of my cousin same question.

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she said she only saw the two of the sisters.ahhhh and my cousin don born 4kids.dis my cousin too fine.honestly she’s going through hell.although d guy is a very caring and responsible guy.just that d guy doesn’t have money.so I asked d guy why he has not paid the dowry all this while.he said in-law I don’t have money.hmmm so I asked my uncle what should we do? he said he told her daughter to quit and bring the kids home but d daughter refused.

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now my cousin is begging me to help her cause she has surfer alot.now please I need the group to help me.i want to take my cousin out from this man,I want to get a new apartment for her and the kids.when the man is ready he should go and do the necessary things and bring them in back.but for now my cousin needs to go away with the kids.i can’t give him money to go and pay my for my cousin’s dowry is not possible. Is my decision right or wrong?I don’t want to do things and later regret it.

my uncle surport me to take her daughter away till the man is ready.my cousin is ready to leave also.should I go on? advice pls

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From: Marriage Seminar

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  1. Your decision is fine,he has to look for money and do the needful. It is because your cousin already has children for him and also living with him that is why he has find it difficult to pay her bride price. What does he need to pay for when they are already living as husband and wife?He needs to pay because if anything happens to your cousin tomorrow, he will suffer for it and even regret why he did not do it in the first place.

  2. If the man is your brother, won’t you be focused on helping him get on his feet than taking the woman from him? You said he’s caring and responsible but lacks behind financially. You can lend him money to start something, be focused on helping him than taking your cousin away. A woman with 4 kids, my dear when you take her to her father’s house will you bring husband to marry her? If you like take your cousin away it doesn’t mean the man will do ritual to come and pay bride price, las las he’ll bring another woman home.
    Your cousin should not have gone to live with him in the first place, but she already has, we cannot rewind the hands of time. My dear, it’s better you think on how to help the man, you are not only helping him, you’re helping his family too.

  3. Take her back with 4kids? Do you think it’s easy? Who will raise those kids with her if you rent an apartment for her? All you can do now is to support them as a family, maybe with time he will come and pay. Raising 4kids is financially draining esp if one doesn’t have enough resources so for him to come and pay bride price when they are already living as married couple is not easy. Support them with business and let them be. The guy according to you is a nice person and nobody forced her to live with him and also have 4 kids when they knew they didn’t have funds. If you rent for her, he will soon join her and they will have a 5th one so let them be, she chose that pathway.


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