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How I Discovered My Husband Is An Addict But He Is Blaming Me ;Says Its My Fault: Pls Advise

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How I Discovered My Husband Is An Addict But He Is Blaming Me ;Says Its My Fault: Pls Advise

When I met Stanley my husband seven years ago, he was a youth leader with so much passion and vigor. I loved his zeal for God and he seemed to know what he wanted in life as a young man. He was 28 years old and a mentor to so many young people. He had invited me as a Banker to come speak to the young ones about making financial investments for their future.

We became very good friends. He changed my life and outlook on so many things. I saw him as someone God sent to help me fix my life. Stanley was my encourager. He told me God told me I was his wife and I was so elated. I wanted to be married to a man like Stanley. There is so many things so positive about Stanley, that I don’t know to report it. Anyways…

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During our courtship, there was no s8x. We were celibate. We got married a year later. God blessed us with a beautiful son. We were that cute couple. I loved my family. The only thing was that my husband’s family are not close. My husband told me that he cut off from his family because they frustrated his mother and she committed suicide.

That was very sad for him but I kept encouraging to forgive and forget. So about 3 years later, his father invited us over to the village for Christmas and my husband did not want to go but I persuaded him to go. He then said:please dont make me regret this. We travelled down to his place and then I understood what my husband meant.

Since that trip to the village, my marriage has not been the same again. My husband’s family are into hard drugs. My husband did not tell me but I noticed that after we returned from the village my husband became depressed. He said he was reminded of his mother when we travelled. And I tried to comfort him but he was just sad most times.He slowed down on his engagements in helping young people.

And to make matters worse, he lost his job two months after. That really hit home. He then began to loose interest in s8x with me. I tried to encourage him cos I could not understand;this man that used to be someone I looked up to? I asked him to speak to our pastor. He did  but he didnt feel any better after everything.

One day, at work, my mind was so troubled about my husband. I called him on the phone cos I wanted to just encourage him and tell him everything will be fine . That I am there for him and I will carry the family until he gets a job and  things get better. But the phone rang for almost an hour,my husband didn’t pick up. I became worried, so I took permission fromwork and went home.

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On getting home, what I walked into was a nighmare I may never forget in my life. My husband was on the floor, he had passed out and all around him was evidence that he was sniffing drugs. I shook him up and screamed. He didnt wake up until I poured a basin of cold water on him.

That is how I found out my husband’s drug problem. That day I found him, I thought it was his first time but later on, I found out that is a secret he has been keeping from me even before we met. He became sober later that evening and told me that he found himself taking drugs again after we got back from the village.

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All these made no sense but he is my husband, I could not abandon him so I told him this would be the last timehe takes drugs or sniffs anything. He agreed but every week,he got deeper and deeper. We would quarrel about his doping every single day till today. I am tired. He has still not got a job and the money I give him, he uses to get drugs. I stopped giving him money.He started calling me selfish.

Stanley started to keep late nights and of course, hang out with other women. My once peaceful and loving family was gone. I dont know where I got it wrong but my husband blames me for insisting on going home that year cos since after going home, his life has not been the same. Some of his friends even think ‘village people’ attacked him.

I feel like my husband deceived me. He used his church boy charade to marry me. I now know who the real person is. He keeps late, he does drugs and he does have s8x with other women. Its been seven years: six years without a job cos he has not been sober enough to even apply for a job or even get one. Sometimes I fear he might end up like his mother.

We tried some theraphy. No result. I am tired. I want to leave. This is not how I planned my life. I feel like I am loosing in this battle. I have prayed, attended deliverance, fasted and begged God to intervene in my marriage but it seems nothing is changing. I never considered divorce but right now, this marriage feels like I am the only one trying to match it work. Its been three days now, my husband came back for the first time in three days and he is mad drunk and high and I am tired of asking when things will change.

Will I be wrong to seek for divorce? My son is almost six yearsold. I dont want him to grow up in this kind of home where his father is completely useless and instead of trying to get his life back, keeps blaming me for all his misfortunes. I need your advise.

Also Read >>  Difference Btw S*x & Intimacy:My Path To A Better Relationship With My Husband

 

Anoymous

 

Photo Credit:undercover

 

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How I Discovered My Husband Is An Addict But He Is Blaming Me ;Says Its My Fault: Pls Advise
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

6 COMMENTS

  1. Madam you caused all these,he initially told you he didn’t want to go but you persuaded him. Now that you have gone and come back, what did you or have you gained? Village people are mean,wicked especially those that don’t like people’s marriage or they don’t like seeing happy family. For six years he has been like this, nawaooo. You won’t leave him oo,infact it is too early to seek for divorce, you have to continue praying until you get solution for what you caused. God will touch him one day and he will be fine, marriage is for better or best,so you can’t leave him now. God bless you

  2. Marylyn, I disagree with you that she caused it. He wasnt fully truthful or open to her while in relationship about his person and family.
    No reasonable person will be cool to have his/spouse cut off totally from family without wanting to seek amend and resolution which is what she intended genuinely.
    He covered his weakness and pretended, but when faced with issues of life it all popped up.

    My counsel… Do your best but don’t remain when his lifestyle becomes threat to your life.

    Keep hope alive.

  3. Hehehe! I just learned something from your story ooh.
    Do you know what it took for him to be able to stay away from that his family, you had no idea that it was better that way? Those people have succeeded in frustrating him through your chase for peace without asking permission from God.
    Even if it’s for peace’s sake between my husband-to-be and his family or friends, I will inquire from God whether to pursue the course or not.
    When King David’s family and kingdom were invaded by His enemy having gone away with his mighty warriors for a battle. When they returned, they saw the harm done and his men pressured him to go after them since he was a man of war but he David inquired from the Lord on what to do. And his permission was granted and victory was on his side.

    The deed has been done, you need to seek a solution. There is a family curse that needs to be broken to set your family free.
    I will advise that you join the NSPPD prayers every morning by 7am and destroy that curse.
    May peace and joy be restored to your family again, in Jesus name. Amen

  4. Sometimes we have the right intentions but getting the right words to use is a big issue, beloved don’t be hard on yourself dont accept defeat and don’t allow the marriage to end. First and foremost sis please PRAY don’t stop praying, also please don’t give him money again, keep encouraging him to go for therapy, if by not giving him he becomes violent please it will be wise to separate but don’t give in to divorce, let the pastor and elders in church join you in prayers and the Lord that has never lost a war will give you victory, let the pastor assist with therapy before it gets out of hand. Your maker is with you he will never forsake you keep praying

  5. It is not your fault how your husband has turned out to be. He has to leave drugs, if he doesn’t, he can not have a home anymore. He has to stop being weak, he was close to his mum, he hasn’t recovered from her loss but he needs to understand he has you.
    You can leave the house for your sanity, but please do visit at least twice a week.
    Take your son to where he’ll be cared for, he shouldn’t be in a house where his dad is messed up it’s gonna have a negative impact on him.
    Please keep praying for him.
    I pray God help your family. Amen.

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