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My Dream Of A Happy Marriage Has Just Been Cut Down Before It Started


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My Dream Of A Happy Marriage Has Just Been Cut Down Before It Started

Hello, ma,

I have been betrayed and I really need to talk to you before I do anything stupid. I met this guy (Jude, not real name)two years ago. He was a casual worker in a factory. Even as a graduate, he didn’t get a good job but he humbled himself to do casual jobs because he did not want to be a burden. Jude is a sweet soul. Very kind and very warm to everyone around him, always willing to help.

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When I met him, I was a bad relationship and when my foolish boyfriend broke up with me, Jude became my confidant and support friend. He told me four months later that he has feelings for me and I did not think twice cos I liked him a lot. He was insecure because he was a casual worker earning 55k while I work in a corporate office with a higher salary.

Money was never the basis for our relationship. We were just two happy kids in love. But Jude was later played off. It was a very difficult time for him cos he is the firstborn son and he was sending money home to his family.I quickly stepped in and I began to give him 25k out of my salary for him to manage until he gets a new job.

Along the line, Jude received a call from his former boss, (they are from the same hometown) to come and help him supervise his mansion that he is building in their town. Jude read civil engineering. He promised to pay him for the time he would be staying in their home town. Well, since Jude was not working, we both agreed he should go and do the supervision.

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And that is how Jude travelled to the home town. I didn’t,t see him except once a month. Being in construction, we only spoke when he was not so busy. I missed him alot but I knew he needed a job,no matter how small. I was still sending him the 25k even though he said I should not bother but I just wanted my man to be comfortable.

This was how we were for almost 14 months. While there, I never had a reason to doubt Jude was unfaithful. We were still very much in communication. He successfully completed the building and the former boss was so happy with him and gifted him 500k. Jude returned to Lagos and before long, he got a good job and we decided to get married. We started planning our wedding. We have done an introduction.

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The proper wedding is in August. Only for a lady to call me to tell me that she is from Jude’s hometown. That she has just put to bed a baby. That she heard Jude is getting married to me but that they were in a relationship for one year and Jude is aware that she got pregnant and promised to take care of her, marry her when he gets a good job.

The girl should not be anything below 23. She said Jude never mentioned he had a girlfriend, not to talk of planning to marry me. That she was made to believe that he was in love with her and that is why she kept her baby. She showed me bank alerts of 20k every month that Jude was sending her money.

I could not believe my ears and eyes. I confronted Jude and he denied everything until I showed him the text messages,charts and pictures the girl had sent to me. Ma, I have never felt so betrayed and blindsided. Jude says he made a mistake but from what I saw, they had a full relationship. Jude says everything was a mistake, that he does not want to lose me.

Ma, this is paining me because I know how much I love Jude, how much I invested in him to get to where he is right now. This betrayal is a huge blow to me. I really do not know how to forgive and forget. I love Jude but there is a child outside now who will forever be tied to him. How do I even still love or marry him after this?

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Another major thing is that Jude’s mother seems to like the girl more than me because she is from their hometown while I am Yoruba. Jude though says no one can determine who he marries but his mother has accepted that girl and I hear that she goes to spend time in his mother’s house.

I am struggling with what decision to make. I have always dreamt of a very happy marriage with Jude cos Jude is the best man I know. He never gave me any reason to doubt him.I could have sworn that I trusted him with my life. But now, it appears there is no such thing as a faithful man if a man as good as Jude can do this to me. Please help me.

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Photo Credit:pond5


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My Dream Of A Happy Marriage Has Just Been Cut Down Before It Started
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello sister. Jude showed you his true color, having sex can never be a mistake, why will you be sending him 25k monthly, for what exactly, trust me if you go into marriage with him, you will regret him, learn from others people’s experiences, his mother too doesn’t like you, so why disturb yourself. He knew all he was doing all along but he knows you are a simple lady that he can manipulate by apologising to you. Wake up sister, leave him with his baby mama. You are warned. GOD bless you.

  2. Jude does not love you,a man that loves you will not cheat. He was actually giving the other girl part of the money which was 20k ,which you were sending to him. Are you sure you really wanna do this?A baby is involved and his mother loves the other girl just because she is from their home town,there are so many things you have to contend with here oooo,are you ready? The baby probably when he/she grows up,the girl will always come in between the both of you,his mother who already prefers the other girl to you. You have to put all these in check before August,are you ready for all these? Please decide,it is better you calm down and get someone else. Jude does not love you,I don’t know or understand how people define love ooo,it is well with you. It is just painful you invested somuch on him and also showered him with somuch love but men why? And still denied everything if not that the other girl sent you some evidence, so this is how he would have married you without telling you about the baby okwaya

  3. Please back out now! A baby is involved and you can’t win cos his mother and the baby mama drama! I bet you can’t deal. Please let go now and be patient

  4. Save yourself the stress this union will bring plus plenty drama and infidelities. Let Jude go and be with his baby mama if he chooses, He doesn’t deserve your love and trust.
    It will be a painful time but you will survive.

  5. Sister forget abt him n move on with ur life..ur just a destiny helper to him forgive him n move on with ur life,don’t think abt all ur have invested in his life ,just believe u did ur own part God has u to fulfill in his life,sometimes God have a better offer for us which we don’t know…..s1 better dan him will come DAT will appreciate u for ur kindness heart ,just let go take ur time n get heal… A man DAT will be the best will locate u… Be strong n be prayerful……

  6. Sorry girl for all you had to go through but it’s true that Jude never really loved you. Dust yourself up and let him go to his baby mama.
    It’s well with you my dear.

  7. My dear left for me move on with your life, your own man will locate you soonest. Karma is a butch it will catch up with Jude soonest.


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