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My Mother Lied To Me All My Life -How Do I Forgive Her Betrayal?

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My Mother Lied To Me All My Life -How Do I Forgive Her Betrayal?

Good day,

I am Nnenna (Not real name). I am 27 years old and I just got married a month ago. Before I got married, my life was without any form of complication or drama. I grew up in a loving home of three children. I was the eldest. I have two siblings who I am five years older than. My parents never showed us anything apart from love.

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However, when I got engaged to be married, my fiance and his family did all the necessary traditional rites to my parents, and the date for the wedding was fixed. Until my Aunty who I have never really met because she lives abroad just showed up and scattered everything. When she came to Nigeria, she sent a message that she wanted to see me. I received a WhatsApp message from her.

I got curious cos I never met her before even though I know I have an Aunt in UK. I called my mother to tell her and my mother was very scared. She said I should not answer the AUntie’s call and that I should block her. That she and the Auntie do not see eye to eye. And that if I see her, she would harm me. My mother made it seem like the woman was a witch.

I had no reason to doubt my mother, so I blocked this so-called Auntie. But this woman traced my fiance and told him that he should not marry me because there is a secret that my parents are keeping away from me and that a curse has been placed on me with that secret.

Now, I was really scared when my fiance told me this. Yet, my mother refused to tell me anything when we went to see her. My dad too kept mute. He just said I support your mother, stay away from that evil woman. I did not need anything else to confirm there was something fishy going on.

My fiance went ahead to call the Auntie again and asked her what the secret was. And that is how she told my fiance that my mother, her sister had an affair with her then-husband and got pregnant for him with me. That made her leave her husband and almost died out of heartbreak.

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That my mother made her lose the love of her life and she told my mother not to keep the pregnancy so she could save her marriage but my mother wanted her husband so much that she refused. She divorced her husband and the man died a year later when I was barely 4 months old.

This Auntie said she swore that my mother and her child that destroyed her marriage and killed her husband will never know peace. That she knows I was not told so she has forgiven me but that she wanted to tell me before I got married what an evil woman my mother was.

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This information was a huge blow to me. I confronted my mom and dad. My dad finally admitted that I was a child that he married my mother with. That initially he didn’t know my mother slept with her sister’s husband but when he found out, he didn’t care cos he loved me as his child. So, he agreed to keep it a secret.

Of course, I was so shocked and angry my mother lied to me. Even with her explanations, I just could not bring myself to believe what she did. In my anger, I told my mother that I do not want to see her anymore in my life. She was heartbroken but I was very upset to know that they hid such a thing from me all my life.

I am finally married. But I am not at peace. We had to hide this information from my inlaws. I just pray they never find out. My husband says it’s better we keep quiet about it cos he fears that may be a hindrance to our union.

I think of my mother every day. I cannot forgive her for what she did, maybe with time but how do I even look at her the same again? My sweet mother was a homewrecker? Why on earth will she do that to her own sister? And to my, her daughter, so now, I am not cousins with my Auntie’s children, I am actually their sister. This is really crazy.

Maybe I should cut my mother off completely, this is too much to bear. Kindly advise me, how to forgive my mom? I am really disturbed.

 

Anonymous

Photo Credit:Shutterstock

 

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My Mother Lied To Me All My Life -How Do I Forgive Her Betrayal?
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

7 COMMENTS

  1. Pls my dear…try and forgive ur mother pls…this tins sometimes comes out of selfishness of the flesh but as we grow old…we tend to understand better hen…biko forgive ur mother and forgive yourself too okay…tis well

  2. There’s nothing hidden that will not come out in the open no matter how long it will take.. forgive your mum and move on.. holding her in unforgiveness and to her mistakes is what is taking your peace away..
    A wise man once said holding someone in unforgiveness is putting yourself in prison..and until you let that person go you will never be free.. forgive her and move on.

    If your husband wants what happened a secret then it’s okay..it wasn’t your fault things happened the way they did and for your peace of mind sanity sakes leave that matter abeg.. everyone has a past and some things are better left unsaid..it’s a choice..I wish you a peaceful home

  3. Please my dear you need to take Time off to heal, ask the Holy Spirit to comfort you and bring peace to your heart. Cos only then can you truly be able to forgive your mom. One day at a time. This too shall pass. Shalom!!!

  4. Chaiiiii this is so touching nne,please you have to just forgive your mother, she is still your mother though it is not easy but you have to biko,it is well with you.

  5. My dear, what can I say about life please you have to forgive her and everyone else and also yourself as well.thank God your husband knows about it and his family needs to know as well for your own good , because of the future.it ‘s better now than later.let it off your heart,I know it’s hurt all the best.

  6. Forgiveness is the right thing for you now.

    The damage has already been done. Your mother will forever remained your mother. She is your blood, you can’t purchase another mother anywhere in the world!

    The negative consequences of not forgiving has been documented in studies that show that it can lead to emotional pain of anger, hate, hurt, resentment, bitterness and so on and as a consequence can create health issues, affect relationships and stop us from experiencing the freedom that forgiveness enables.

    Even the Holy Bible have made it clearly: *“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”* (Matthew 6:14)

  7. Yes you are hurting and you are right to but you need to deal with your pain and move on. Imagine your aunty has bore the hurt for a long time and then inflicted that hurt on you. Why did your aunty tell your husband, what was her aim? To make you unhappy because if she sincerely meant well, she should have told you a long time ago and not when you were about to get married. Hurting people hurt others, don’t continue that cycle.
    I will advise that you learn to forgive and heal. Yes it may take a while but make sincere effort to forgive your mum and father.
    As a young person you probably made mistakes too, maybe not as grievous as your mum’s but you have moved on.
    So live your life, don’t wait till it is too late to make amend. Do it now! Make a call to your mum, visit her, do something!

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