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How Do I Make The Woman of My Dreams Fall In Love With Me-Pls Advise


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How Do I Make The Woman of My Dreams Fall In Love With Me-Pls Advise


My name is Ayi (not my real name). I am an applied physics 45-year-old lecturer. I have always been a nerd and academics has always been my life. I lacked social skills and was always on my own, with my books as my companion. During my university days, I never had a girlfriend even though girls were always around me to help them with their assignments.

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Being a shy person did not help much. I had a relationship finally in my final year, it lasted four months but I discovered the girl was sleeping with other guys saying I was boring. Since then, I have not been in any serious relationship. My family members all have been worried through the years, they have tried to match make me with plenty ladies but it didn’t work.

When I turned 40, my mother went to the village and got me a wife. My mother was crying, saying that people are saying I am gay. I felt bad that I could not be trusted to get myself a wife. I then asked my family to give me two years to find myself a wife and if I fail, they can marry anyone they like for me. So, after that, I started trying to enter into a relationship but most ladies are after money and not true love.

So, I met this lady, Sarah (not real name) she just finished her service year and she is very hardworking. She was into events planning. We met during a faculty function. I asked her if she is dating someone, she said no. I asked her if she would like to date me, she said no. I asked why she says she is not attracted to me. Fair enough.

I then proposed to her, to give me a chance because I been watching her from afar and I really like her. I told her to let me date her for some months, to see if she can finally find me attractive and fall in love with me for the purpose of marriage. She agreed. We dated and like I hoped, I fell in love with her easily. I did everything for her to feel the same way for me too.

Unfortunately, she said, she loves me but she has someone else that she loves more. I painfully allowed her to go. It was a huge heartbreak for me but I had to let go of everything. I continued my search for the woman of my heart. It occurred to me that I may go back to my mother to help me find a wife. That seemed like my faith.

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Until last week, Sarah called me after almost 7 months of breakup. She said she wants to come back to me. That even though she thought she loved the other guy but she found out that its me that treats her better. That she would rather marry someone who treats her with respect and care than someone that she loves but does not treat her well.

Sarah said something, that she realized that love is not enough to keep a relationship. That she wants a man with a good heart and I am the only man that has the kind of heart that she desires. That was good news to my soul and I wanted to jump back into her arms.

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However, I am worried that Sarah may not truly be in love with me like she said. Maybe she is just choosing me as the second choice and no man really wants to feel like a second choice. I want to be her first. How do I make her fall totally in love with me? I want to marry her knowing that I am the only one she truly desires.

Like I said, I am not a social person. I am not good at expressing myself but I love Sarah and I want her to love me totally and not choose me out of pity or lack of any other option. What should I do? I feel like I should tell her that she cannot easily come back to me now that it didn’t work out with the other guy but I am afraid of losing her if I say that.

I just want her to fall truly and fully in love with me. Should I marry her and pray she gradually comes to fully be in love with me? What should I do? Time is ticking and I have to find a bride soon before my mother comes with her own bride for me. Please help.



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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Like you said age is not longer on your side but at the same time you have to be extremely care ful. Sarah only wants you to be her other option or second option probably the other guy did something wrong, don’t fall for her excuses of you treating her well and having a good heart and bla bla bla. Will your mum be there to correct any mistake you make in marriage? You better calm down sir. God will give you your own wife,amen. There is nothing much to do to make a woman fall in love with you,just be real,be you,be loving and caring,be careful ,watchful and prayerful.

  2. First, you shouldn’t be the option a woman has to pick from, she should be the option not you. The only reason Sarah is picking you, is because age is not on her side. She understands the other guy is not the marriageable type but you are, so she can get married to you and see the other guys (they are always more than one) and because of your *good heart* you wouldn’t do anything about it. She knows that, that’s why she wants to take advantage of it.
    There are lot of things relationships will make you understand about women….time is not on your side.
    My advice is you let your mum give you a wife. It’s better to have a woman who’ll respect you as her *husband*, than have one who will think she’s managing you.
    Man, with the *village wife* love will grow, love grows man.

  3. Please work on your relationship with Sarah..no she is not taking you as an option she only wants to be happy in her marriage which every woman wants… work on your relationship because non of us were born as geniuses we are all learning…my brother ask Sarah questions about her likes and dislikes you will flow.
    Please don’t ever take the option of your mum or family getting a wife for you because you will so regret it..
    He who finds a wife not who was assisted to get a wife..my dear go work on your relationship remember we are all learning no one is a genius.. wishing you all the best..

  4. Sarah may just be right, a relationship sure needs more than love to work. Does Sarah respect you, will she submit to you as the head over her. There are so many people in love but their relationship don’t work out because of other very important things. Ask yourself and Sarah if you both are willing to make it work.

    Find ways to spice your relationship with Sarah by first knowing her love language and showing her love in those ways. It may not be in big things, it may be in very little things you feel doesn’t matter. But work based on her love language so you don’t make so much effort and if gets non appreciated. All the best with Sarah

  5. You can learn how to be a bit more social. There is nothing that you can’t learn in this life. A small change like your dress sense, your style ( hair cut style, perfumes, accessories etc) can help break the ice. Also once in a while dress nice and go to social places like cinemas, malls, etc.
    I think you should give her another chance but be careful. Find out what she really wants and try to work it out but always check from time to time to know that you are on the same page. Don’t have a one sided relationship, she also should make an effort to making the relationship work.


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