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I Did Everything To Make My Relationship Work But I Think I Was Set Up-Pls Advise

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I Did Everything To Make My Relationship Work But I Think I Was Set Up-Pls Advise

Please I need my story to be posted. And don’t use my details, or my picture, please.

My name is Chizzy (Not real name). I have a father,step-mum, and 3 siblings, but I never consider any of them my family, so I’m alone in this world, except God who saved me and loves me unconditionally. I also have my brethren in the church who cares and loves me as their family.

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I am a mature lady but I look younger than my age. I was brought up in a purely Christian way of serving God, and not like those who give Christians bad names. I grew up indoors too and am very reserved and friendly to anyone close to me. I stay away from hurting people or anything bad, rather I prefer you to hurt me, and I will still apologize to have peace of mind, and am a natural person to the core.

My problem started when I met a brother James (not real name) through evangelism. I and a female brethren shared the word of God with him, and he told us about his problem with his wife and how his wife was cheating on him. So we encouraged him that there’s nothing God cannot do. We kept in touch to help him grow spiritually and sometimes he comes to my church for deliverance. Until one day he told me he’d gone back to his wife, but they are still living together because of the kids even though both of them are not on talking terms.

And because he most times calls me when he needs someone to talk to, his wife started to think I was his side chick. So his wife copied my number from his phone and gave it to her lover to find out if am dating her husband. But her lover refused to do the investigation, instead, he gave it to his friend abroad to do the investigation on me.

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One I saw a message on my WhatsApp saying hi to me with an international number. I replied because I have cousins and brother there too. So when I found out I don’t know him, I asked him how he got my number, he replied and said my number was given to him by someone I know.

I know my brother can’t give out my number without asking me, and my cousins don’t have my recent number. I started cracking my brain who could give out my number, Mr James came to my mind, then I remembered he told me about his sister and brother over there. But the mistake I made was that I never asked bro James, and the reason why was because the said man told me he knows him and asked me to stop any relationship I have with him, which I told him I have nothing to do with him except church stuff and I can’t date a married man too.

Then we started talking on the phone and from there he made his intentions known to me, that he wants to marry me. And which I didn’t give him an answer directly. I went into prayer and after some months I accepted with the belief that bro James knows him. Our relationship started this year. He told me he’s 49 years old and never been married. And I like him because of his maturity and he’s nice too. And he’s gone through a lot, and I believe he understands me better than the man I have met.

I don’t love but when I do, I love with everything in me. I am faithful to the core and very very God fearing too. And he accepted me for me too and allows me to continue the work of God have been doing. He started sending money, monthly for upkeep. But he’s a very jealous person. I have to be on the phone 24hrs.

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If am walking on the road, if am in the bus, if am going to the toilet, if am bathing. He will ask me to finger myself while he watches on a video call, and if I tell him I can’t or I wouldn’t he will say it’s because I don’t love him or I have someone else. He will always want to see my nakedness, and if I refused it because of a problem, etc. He wants to monitor and Know to everything I do and who I talk to. If I don’t come online early, he gets angry and accused me of cheating on him or going out with a man.

Even on my covenant days I have with God, he still accuses me of cheating. I endured and overlook him because I love him. I apologize for sins I didn’t commit because I felt it’s because he’s not in Nigeria. Because this the first online long-distance relationship has ever had. It got worse when he sent me money to rent 2 bedroom flat, and which I did.

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Then he started accusing me of wanting to bring another man to live in the house, even when he’s the only man in my life. I have shut out my male friends because of him. I don’t chat with anyone except him. To show him how faithful I am. But still, he keep accusing me, saying that this is what other ladies have done to him before. I told him am not other ladies. It’s like am suffering for other women’s sin.

It got so worse, I couldn’t take it anymore. I told him if he knows he couldn’t trust me, then he should look for someone else. Have not had peace since I met him because of his accusations. He got angry and blocked me on Whatsapp. Then I decided to call bro. James to tell him about the issues I was having with my man, then I realized it wasn’t brother James that gave him my number, but it was a set up from his wife and lover.

But along the line my man fell in love with my picture and decided to marry me the most annoying thing is that he’s even accusing me of dating his friend who gave him my number to investigate me, who I don’t even know or met before. I was so angry, but I just have to let go. Because God said I should forgive. They planned and set up an innocent heart of mine and shartered it just like it was nothing. After making me fall in love and shutting off those who has been good to me.

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Still I have calling him and begging him with different numbers, sending him messages but still he refused to forgive me. I leave them all to God to judge. Less I forget I told him to send his account number so I can transfer back the money he sent for the house but he refused. So I didn’t move into the house, I want a home and not a house. That’s supposed to be where our home will start. so since he refused to talk to me, because I told him to get someone else in if he doesn’t trust me. I left the money with the agent and landlord till now.

But I just need a mature mind who can be a friend of mine, whom I can be free to talk to or chat with to help me in overcoming this pain. This what I want you to do for me. Please post it. Thanks

Anonymous

Photo Credit:blackenterprise

 

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I Did Everything To Make My Relationship Work But I Think I Was Set Up-Pls Advise
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

7 COMMENTS

  1. Please collect the money from the landlord and move on. Look for something tangible to invest the money in,forget about this abroad husband that is not even faithful to himself and that is why he is feeling that everyone is a cheat like him. Distance yourself from bro James to avoid further drama,okay. Don’t worry the real man will come and be at peace with your family members, this life is just too short for you to be having issues with your love ones,I mean your family. God bless you sis,it is well with you,amen.

  2. My dear sister. Are you serious with this story at all, are you really a Christian like you claim, did you read again and again what you typed, a man you don’t know, telling you finger yourself, get naked, sent you money to rent apartment, what rubbish did you do all along, I can’t believe I read this. Where was your mind, you even said you prayed about, what nonsense prayer is that, with the nonsense the guy was telling you all along. GET back to GOD, if truly you is a Christian. Going to church is not equivalent to being a Christian. GOD bless you sister.

    • As in, someone you’ve never met. If this is christianity,then I must have lost the definition a while ago. how do you claim to be so in love with someone you’ve never seen to an extent that you keep disturbing him with calls as if you don’t have any dignity or pride as a woman. She doesn’t need someone to confide in,she needs repentance from God. Everything else is nonsense.

    • And I don’t think I read the part whereby she said did all what that man asked of….Even if she did, please don’t crucifying people who share their stories to seek advice.

      This can happen to anybody

  3. @Faith…do you wonder why people would rather sahre their stories anonymously but not to their loved ones or religious leaders?

    Because they fear being cursed or judged. Please let us advise and be kind in our words. No need to attacke people who send in their stories.

    If they know better, they will not be in situations.

  4. Bro akin she said she didn’t do the things that the man asked her to do, that makes her a good christain.
    And being a Christian doesn’t mean you wouldn’t make mistakes. And God knows about the good and bad before it happens, so I guess that why she said she prayed. And I believe this the answer to her prayer, God showing her that the man is not the right person. Pls let’s be careful with our words because it’s will used against us on the last day, thanks

  5. Bro akin she said she didn’t do the things that the man asked her to do, that makes her a good christain.
    And being a Christian doesn’t mean you wouldn’t make mistakes. And God knows about the good and bad before it happens, so I guess that why she said she prayed. And I believe this the answer to her prayer, God showing her that the man is not the right person. Pls let’s be careful with our words because it’s will used against us on the last day, thanks

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