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Everything I Did Was To Help My Family But My Husband Is Accusing Me Of Betraying Him

Everything I Did Was To Help My Family But My Husband Is Accusing Me Of Betraying Him

My marriage is 11 years old by next month. We have had several challenges since my husband came down with partial stroke six years ago. When I married my husband, the only issue we had was that he takes life not too serious, he plays and trusts people too easily. He is a good husband and father. Provided for his family.

Why I said he trust and believes people too easily is because he started developing the acre of land that his father left for him as his inheritance and allowed his Uncle who some people believe had a hand in his father’s death to be in charge of the project in the village.

Not too long after he started the building project, he fell sick. We took him to many hospitals and nothing could be done for him. He became withered in one arm and one leg. We had to eventually let him come home to try to do physiotherapy from home.

We got revelation that his Uncle was behind the sickness so the building project was forgotten. We even spent all the money we had on treatment for him. I had to start doing petty trade cos I was a full time house wife before all of these happened. Things became really difficult for us, I started to apply for jobs too and gave my CVs to friends and family.

My husband found one of his former classmate in university on Facebook. He was now a very rich man in Abuja. He contacted him to help us with a job and he said he has some businesses in Abuja. That I can come and manage one of his hotels in Abuja. Much as I didn’t want to leave my husband alone, we had no choice.

My husband’s mother moved in to look after him and our children and I went to Abuja to work. That is where the problem started from. This man who is our destiny helper started coming after me for s*x. That he does nothing for free. He propositioned me to sleep with him. I cried and begged him to remember my husband is his friend. He refused.

I had to tell my husband. I thought he would be so angry that he would ask me to quit the job but my husband having understood our dire predicament, only asked me to do whatever I want to do. That he cannot tell me not to sleep with the man because he knows that we need the job to survive and also that he has not been able to have s*x with me since the stroke so he will not be angry if I sleep with another man to survive.

That made cry and cry for days but since crying will not put food on our table, I yielded to the man and he started sleeping with me. Only my husband knew this arrangement. But not fully, he thought I only slept with the man at the beginning which was what I thought the man wanted but the man kept coming back me.

Anytime I tried to resist, he would threaten to fire me and when I remember the situation at home, I had to allow him keep sleep anytime he wanted. The man helped us financially. We were able to buy a car and start building a house with income from my job under 3 years. I also saved a lot of money.

So, my plan was to leave this man and go start a business. By this time, my husband is alot better. At least, he can walk by himself even though he still limps. God is faithful. Our lives will soon be back and better. Unfortunately, last year, I got pregnant for this man. I did not know until I was almost  6 months gone. I panicked when the gynecologist said it was too late to do a D & C.

I was scared and confused. How will I bear this man’s child. So, I tried my best to disguise the pregnancy and planned give the baby away soon as I give birth. I could not bear to tell my husband that I been sleeping with his classmate and got pregnant for him. But when his classmate found out I was pregnant, he was happy. He said he knows I will give birth to a son for him. I told him I don’t want the child to be known by my husband, he said ok that he will get a nanny to look after the baby.

When indeed, a pregnancy scan confirmed I was pregnant with a boy,the man changed his mind and said I will be the one to take care of the baby.I asked what about my husband and family, he says he does not care. That in fact, he does not know what I am still doing with my husband who cannot do anything for me now that he is affected by stroke.

I panicked and begged him to let me go back to my family. He said no. Do you know this man called my husband and told him that our marriage is over, that I am pregnant for him? My husband called me to ask me if what the man said was true. I went back home, knelt down and confessed everything to him.

My husband cried and cried and wished he was dead cos he said I have taken away his pride from him even after the stroke made him useless. That I was the only thing he was proud of. That he could forgive s*x with the man but having a baby with the man, will be a constant reminder of his failure.

My husband asked me to divorce him quietly. He does not want any drama especially for our children who have been through so much all these years. I am heartbroken and inconsolable. This is my predicament. I am due to give birth this month and sadness has filled my life. I love my husband and my children.

Even though no one will believe me, I did not do this intentionally. I had no choice. I had to keep my job to support my children and husband. The pregnancy was a mistake. I do not want a divorce. Please, how do I make my husband forgive me and let me remain his wife after giving birth? I will die of depression because I cannot live with the though that I betrayed my husband and children.

I was only trying to do what I can, so we can all survive. I do not love this man I am pregnant for. He was just a means to an end. He took advantage of our situation. My husband gave me permission initially but I spared him the details because I was trying to make ends meet.

To be honest, my husband cannot blame me entirely. Did he not give his permission initially? Did he not think that if one time is permissible, then you cannot crucify me for the other times…I did not know I was pregnant. I tried hard to prevent pregnancies all through the time. I gave myself as a sacrifice to help my family.

I cannot leave my family. Please help me beg my husband to forgive me. If he were in my shoes, I will forgive him. I have stood by him through thick and thin. Many women will have abandoned a man in his condition. I did not. I only used my body to secure a job for our family to survive. And remember, he was not against it at first.

Please help and advise me.



Photo Credit:livelystonesng


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  1. This is so pathetic,your husband has to forgive you, you did all you did for survival and he knew about it. The only mistake you did was to sleep with him without any form of protection. You have to keep begging him to understand, I know it is not easy. But you over did everything ooo probably you were getting enough money from him,as for the baby you have to give birth and take care of the baby as your own even though I know it is painful taking care of a child that is not for your husband. He has to accept the baby as his ooo but you have to be careful with that man because he will always come in between you and your family as time goes on,don’t be tempted to continue with adultery. God has so helped you,you already have some money and some properties, he has to be giving you money for the baby’s upkeep since he doesn’t want you to get a nanny,but you can still drag it with him if you want a nanny to take care of the baby because of your busy schedule. Your husband needs to understand, divorce is not the solution, he gave you the go ahead order na. Sorry dear,I totally feel your pain and whatever you might be going through right now .It is well with you, don’t know why some men cannot help without asking for something,ndi ara.

  2. Hello ma,
    First and foremost, calm down. I repeat CALM DOWN! The deed is done and let’s search for the way forward to solve the problem.

    Consider your present state and pregnancy now that you don’t develop high blood pressure. Relax a little bit and deliver your baby safely.

    Please ma, take this your story to God in prayers. Don’t you EVER justify yourself in any way before Him. Plead for forgiveness and ask Him to touch your husband to forgive you.
    Keep seeking God’s face for His Mercy and help to heal your husband emotionally and to restore his pride and dignity as husband.

    You will soon see God of Miracles if you do this !

    Take good care of your baby.

    Don’t divorce your husband to marry his so-called friend. Even if your refused you, stick to your gun that you will Not divorce him.

    This is your peace ma.

    God bless you

  3. This is really pathetic! its noble you carried your husband along in all these. Please, go to God that has helped you in this complex situation. Dont justify yourself before HIM, just engage in prayers for help and mercy.
    Also, I advice you dont give your husband a divorce. Keep praying for him and the children, he ll come around with time and your patience. This other man is an opportunists, pls stick with your husband and children.
    also, sing songs in this state and be intentional to be happy. You cant kii yourself , the deed has been done. You will deliver safely in Jesus name.
    Accept my peace and strength from the Lord.


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