HomeAdviceOne Week To My Wedding, I'm Lost

One Week To My Wedding, I’m Lost

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One Week To My Wedding, I’m Lost

(Created this new account to post for a sister)

Please help advice a sister in confusion…..

Background:

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“I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I’ve met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed.”

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she’s bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he’s all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a f*ckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn’t been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they’ll continue after he’s married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he’s getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn’t work he started making excuses/begging he’ll change.

3. He doesn’t want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

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She’s scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.

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Photo Credit: BahaiTeachings.org

 

 

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Kindly give your mature advice; she’ll be reading every bit of it.

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10 COMMENTS

  1. This is serious ,sis is better u cut off the wedding? No room for adjustment once ur married to this guy.. Ur happiness matters a lot

  2. I think you should postpone the wedding for now. Though you are already married by law, it’s easier to go separate ways when both families haven’t met and bride price haven’t been paid. This may get worse after marriage cos then he knows you are going nowhere. Please take your time and think things through before going ahead or not

  3. Please dear lady friend, don’t go ahead with the arrangement to marry this man. You will know No Peace in the marriage…..I repeat that there’s No peace ahead in the future for you.

    Back out now !

    No matter the publicity and arrangements you have done….. You are at liberty to seek for your Life-long Peace.

    My humble opinion from understanding your Posts

  4. This is really tough. But I will advise you as I would to my sister..
    It’s not too late to call it off, for so many reasons. But I will list some.

    1. you will be deprived of enough finance to run your home. His money will be going to more women.

    2. you’re at risk of contacting vulnerable diseases. if he contacts HIV you won’t know, because married couples don’t do this test regularly after marriage.

    3. You will be Derain psychologically and emotionally, thinking about so many things from how to keep your family intact, manage your husband’s so he doesn’t bring disgrace to the family, always thinking of the life you has always wanted.

    4. There will always be regrets in you occasionally. “If I had known”

    5. You life may be cut short due to his anger issues. most marital death had always being a mistake. it’s the devil’s work, I didn’t mean to.

    6 and lastly. just know you can be in a polygamous home knowingly or unknowingly. your husband can get other women pregnant,

    7. it’s very very hard for a man who commits adultery to change. very hard. in order for more to change there must be a negative encounter.

    Like a drunkard who was nearly crushed to death by a trailer, would easily quick. but even if you catch a promiscuous man In another woman’s house that won’t stop him.

    Peace of mind is all we need to life long. But if you think you can always fast and be prayerful. you should go ahead with the marriage, maybe one day God will answer your prayers.

    – LeeSantos

  5. Anyone that has anger issues, is a very big deal in marriage. Coupled with infidelity that he’s planning to continue even after getting married to you? Very serious issue. Added to that he DENIED initially, even with the evidences, then later owned up. That’s a pathological liar if you ask me. All these in a man you want to spend the rest of your life with and you want to know if you should go ahead?

    As far as am concerned, without dowry payment, he’s not your husband. You are not married to him yet.
    Dowry payment is the evidence of marriage.

    Please, leave that guy. A broken engagement is better than a hell on Earth marriage.

    Let him marry his f*ck mate.

  6. Please run for your life, all what you listed are dangerous red flags. You aren’t married yet to him because he hasn’t paid your dowry
    Don’t give it a second thought, please leave the relationship. If you are concerned about what people will say, just know that the most they can talk is 3months after that everyone forgets about the broken engagement.
    Your life is very important than a marriage full of tears.
    Good luck sis.

  7. You don’t need anyone to advise you, you know what to do sister. Run run run. He needs therapy, trust me sex is to sweet oo, talk is cheap but he won’t stop, he even denied it. GOD bless you.

  8. Worse of, he doesn’t want a third party involvement,no counselling or advices from anyone….this one is bad news, call it off, its heartbreaking but you’ll be fine.

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