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Please Help: I Am Fighting Temptation In My Marriage Because Of Poor Performance In Bed


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Please Help: I Am Fighting Temptation In My Marriage Because Of Poor Performance In Bed


I have been an ardent follower of your blog for a while now. I don’t know if you give advice on s*x in marriage but I don’t know where else to go for advice on this matter. Please keep me anonymous. I am married to a man that is 5 years my senior. Everything is fine but since that we have been married for 6 years now, our s*x life is not good.

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S*x for us is about having children or my husband releasing his urge into me for less than 5mins into the action. Right from day one, that is how it has been. Initially, I did not take too much thought into the matter but after having my 2 children, I noticed it more and more. My husband does not last more than 3 to 4 minutes maximum in bed.

That is not enough time for me to enjoy s8x and I think his understanding of s*x is that he will just put his junk into me and do his thing. I have been trying to talk to him about how this makes me feel for the last three years but he says s*x is not something one can force and that maybe I am the one with a problem after all, he has been able to get me pregnant twice with the s*x we have been having.

He has no understanding that I have feelings that should be satisfied. I tried to introduce him to different materials to help boost his s*xual performance but he refuses to take my advice on anything. He says I am being too forward and wayward. This has made me o engage in masturbation for a long time now. And unfortunately, this does not please me anymore because its not like the real thing.

I am frustrated and I dying inside gradually. The friends that I have are religious friends and they can only tell me to fast and pray for my husband and our s*x life ,which I have been doing for so long. I am frustrated. I get hornier as I get older. I get advances from men but I always push them away but I am getting weaker with the way I feel.

Recently, I came across some information and watching videos of how to use s*x toys like vibrators to achieve s8xual pleasure and satisfaction. But like I said, my religious friends are against it. They say its like cheating cos its introducing something else to pleasure me other than my husband. I don’t know but is it wrong to use s8x toys? Is it like cheating?

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I feel ashamed to ask others even where to purchase a s8x toy cos of what people might say. I just need some solid advice on what to do about my situation. I don’t want to cheat but why can’t I use a s*x toy. I will also appreciate any one in my similar situation to tell me how they are coping with such challenge in their marriage.

Thank you.

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Photo Credit: ebony

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Please Help: I Am Fighting Temptation In My Marriage Because Of Poor Performance In Bed
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. You need to talk to someone he respects and can listen to, let’s see if that will help. There are things he can do to enhance is performance, so let that person he respects talk to him to see if things can get better. As for the toys well, if your husband won’t mind…

  2. Your friends gave you good advice. I know its painful when a partner is being self centered. Try to call him and talk to him, dont give up. If he chooses not to hear, you can only exercise patience. You will be ok, but pls don’t commit adultery. You can say no to it like you have been saying. GOD bless you.


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