HomeAdviceMy Goal Was To Help Save My Sister's Marriage But Things Have...

My Goal Was To Help Save My Sister’s Marriage But Things Have Gone Bad-Pls Advise


- Advertisement -

My Goal Was To Help Save My Sister’s Marriage But Things Have Gone Bad-Pls Advise


My story is an embarrassing one but also deeply emotional for me. Its about falling in love with the wrong person and not knowing what to do about it. Please do not judge me. I was weak and caught up in a messy and toxic marriage. I wish I could turn back the hand of time, I wish I never went to stay with my sister and her family.

- Advertisement -

I wish I was never born…I wish for a much easier life to make a much easier decision but right now, my life is so complicated and I don’t see any easy options for me to make an easy decision. I pray God to forgive me my sins and I pray you that is reading will help me with some advice.

Two years ago, after I had finished my university and was looking for a job without success, my elder sister who lives in South Africa invited me to come to SA to find opportunities. She was able to find me a job as waiter which was supposed to be a temporary job until I found a better one.

Living with my sister exposed who my sister really was. My sister was a terrible person I never knew. She is married to a pastor, known by everyone to be a very strict and religious minister. But beneath the public display of a perfect Christian family, their marriage was a disaster. My sister was abusing the husband. She called him names, treated him with disgust even in front of the children.

As a result, the children have no respect for their dad. They never respond when he talks to them and they see him as a weak man. They are always playing video games when they are at home from boarding school. They are so spoilt and can do no house work or show any respect for elders.

You can imagine my shock at the way my sister was treating her husband. I asked her why all these and she told me to mind my business, that its a married peoples’ matter that does not concern me. I felt so ashamed of my sister and so sorry for her husband. I was afraid of reporting back home what was going on cos my sister warned me sternly to mind my business.

- Advertisement -

I quit my job as a waiter because I found out the pay was not worth the work and stress involved. I convinced my sister to employ me as the house chef because the chef they had was not doing any better than me. She agreed and paid me. I was both chef and house manager. My sister was happy cos I cooked all the home meals she missed in Nigeria.

My sister works in one of the big banks in SA and she is quite wealthy. Most times, she is hardly home and anytime she was around, it was always fighting with her miserable husband. One day, I could not hold it anymore. The man was in his study and heard him crying. I knocked and asked him if I could come in. He was ashamed I had seen him crying.

- Advertisement -

I asked him what was really going on? Why is he allowing my sister treat him like this? He said he does not know what happened but its majorly because my sister has so much money and power and does not regard him as a poor pastor. That my sister knows that he is against divorce and as such, treats him with such disregard. He said they do not even sleep together for the last two and a half years.

So ashamed, I apologized for my sister and told him he is a good man but he does not need to hide in a bad and abusive marriage under being a pastor. He said he is praying for God to change his wife. Being at home as their house chef, we began to get closer and he saw me as a friendly face in the house away from his troubles.

I was in my room one day when he knocked on my door, I allowed him in cos I thought he needed something and he looked at me with such fear and weirdness. I asked him what happened and he said : I don’t know but I need your help. I said how can I help, he said: can I kiss you please. I am running crazy. I cannot cheat on my wife cos I am a pastor but I am tired of masturbating that I feel like committing suicide right now.

What I saw in his eyes was a man that was not playing about committing suicide. He seemed like he was so scared and was about to end it once and for all. I told him its ok. He can kiss me. I just wanted him to calm down. I hugged him and he began to cry and shaking so hard. It was like the weight of the world was upon him. After he cried a bit, he said, I am so sorry…I am so weak but please bear with me.

I told him its alright and then he kissed me. I didn’t stop him cos I thought that was what he needed. He kissed me so good that I knew this was a road of no return. But surprisingly, he stopped and got up and thanked me for being there for him. That was how, I started allowing him to kiss me. I began to long for his kisses. He was such a good kisser and he always stopped when we were both getting carried away.

Until I couldn’t help it anymore. I told him not to stop and he asked me if I was sure. I told him yes. I was in love with him. I wanted him so bad and he felt the same way. And we made love and continued to make love to each other anytime we could behind my sister’s back. He began to be happy again. We knew it was wrong but it felt so right at the same time. I also thought I was helping their marriage, at least, he was no longer miserable and suicidal.

We even likened our situation to the bible when Jacob worked to marry two sisters (Rachael and Leah). I mean, if it was a sin, why did God allow that? My sister’s husband was happy and he began to do well in everything. My sister even noticed that the man didn’t care about her and her abuse anymore. She tried to be nice to him but her bad behavior didn’t take long to show up again.

And so, my relationship with the husband continued until I got pregnant. I was so scared but when I told him, he was so happy. He said he would get me an apartment to move in and he would take care of me and the baby. I told him no. My parents and my sister would never forgive me. Having an affair is one thing but having a child for my sister’s husband is another.

But he has been begging me. Telling me that this child was conceived in love. That the child would seal our love which he will remember and keep him happy for the rest of his life. He wants me to have this child and tell my family that I was impregnated by a random boyfriend who is denying the pregnancy but I want to keep the child.

He says my family will be upset but in the end, its my decision to keep the child and they will eventually accept. Because of religious belief that abortion is a sin. But they will never know the child is for my sister’s husband. That plan feels so exciting to him but I am worried.

I know abortion is a sin but can God not make an exception in this case? will he not be more angry that I had a child for a married man? He is ready to marry me because he said polygamy is allowed in the bible but even if he marries me ,it will be in secret cos if my sister finds out, there will be world war.

I pray God to forgive me. I have been praying for answers to my prayers. What do I do? Please advise me. Thank you.




Photo Credit:everypixel


Share This Story

- Advertisement -

Click Here to join our Bullet Proof Relationship Facebook Group

My Goal Was To Help Save My Sister's Marriage But Things Have Gone Bad-Pls Advise
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. As you lay your bed so you must lie on it. Keep that child and find a way to inform your family. Move out of the house for your safety.

  2. Chaiii I was just crying when I was reading this,why is your sister treating the innocent man like this? This is so pathetic, just because she is wealthy. Please you can’t keep that baby,get rid of it and look for another job,stop seeing your sister’s husband. I pray you will heed to this and do the right thing. Get a job and if possible leave your sister’s house and if a new job is not forthcoming, please work as a chef and leave your sister’s husband alone ,it doesn’t matter how badly she is treating him,just mind your business. It is well with you,amen. Note that whatever ones sows that is what the person will reap, this concerns your sister,her children, you and the husband.

  3. Dear Lady, without mincing words this Is an abomination.

    My honest advice to You on platter of Honesty is — Pack your loads out of that house, come back to Nigeria and start your life afresh.

    You don’t seem to understand the gravity of what you and your brother-in-law have done (which you posted here in a few words) will cause and the damages that will follows.

    Run away from your sister’s house and don’t stay anywhere around SA.

    Come back home to Nigeria to your family and explain everything to them. Let your parents be the One to tell your sister.

    Don’t abort the baby but keep the pregnancy. But let your Brother-in-law (Our beloved Pastor) take full responsibility of the baby.

    In Addition,

    Seek the Face of God for forgiveness and pray God to give you your own bone and husband.

    May God help You

  4. There’s no excuse you give for committing sin that is acceptable before God.
    Your brother-in-law who’s a pastor should know that. Yes, he’s in an abusive marriage, yet God whom he claims to serve knows about it. How well he knows God comes to question, if you ask me. There’s no situation beyond God’s intervention.

    Anyway, the deed is done and result has come out. Don’t touch that innocent baby. Pack your bags and baggages and leave. Get out of that country, you can go wherever you want for all I care. You have only compounded their problems instead of standing in the gap and be of help.

  5. This is so deep,my dear sister I would advice you to leave as soon as possible bcos if your sister finds out you’re pregnant and from what you have been saying,you’re single so where would you tell her you got the pregnancy….please leave ,you both have added more problems to the marriage ….to me abortion isn’t an option….May God put you through

  6. It’s funny how most comments Focused on the sister , Ignoring the Main cuplrit , the Evil Elder sister who uses The No divorce policy as a yardstick to mistreat their partner.

    Some so called Christian’s are silly, they think that divorce is not allowed give them license to react anyhow.

    Did they commit a sin ? Yes.

    But I can categorically tell you that God will forgive that man. The Christian bible at 1 Corinthians 7 said Couples should not Deprive each other of their sexual needs, and it warned that if they do. Satan WiLL enter their midst…. Which is the unending temptation which the man later fell for.

    This is a warning to people who have wrong mindset about what Christianity means. ….


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


Must Read