Helpless-My Marriage Is About To Break Up Because Of Orgasm. Pls Advise
I need your advise. I think me and my wife are not s*xuallly compatible. Maybe we should never have gotten married. We met through a friend three years ago. It was a long distance relationship because she was in Kenya doing a work project for her oil and gas company. I fell in love with her heart, very loving, very thoughtful lady, that is apart from her stunning beauty and intelligence.
When she returned to Nigeria after her six months project, she said no s*x before marriage. I was cool. I thought she was being a classy woman. Well, fast forward to marriage, I see myself as someone that is into intimacy, I thought she was as well. I am not perfect but my past relationships, I have not disappointed either.
Two weeks after marriage, my wife said she wanted to talk to me. I wondered why. She said that she does no want to hurt my feelings but she wants me to put more effort into lovemaking. I asked her how? She said, she has not experienced orgasm with me since we started making love. That was news to me because I spend a minimum of 20 to 45 minutes when we make love. And all these while, she moaned and seemed to be enjoying s*x with me just as much as I have been enjoying it with her.
To tell me that she is not enjoying it but she was faking it was a little disappointing but I took it as a man and promised to be more sensitive to her feelings. Since then, I try all the tricks in the book that most guys know. I do foreplay, I do fingering, etc. And when I asked her, she will sometimes say yes but most times, she does not come.
Maybe because we were young and newly married, this became very frustrating to spend an hour making love and she still does not come. I found that strange and I told her maybe she needs to relax and be less anxious. And she responds that I dont know how to make love to her. That hurt me honestly because I thought I was putting in the effort.
This situation has greatly affected our marriage. I began to loose interest in s*x and she too felt she was not going to bother about it. So, for like two weeks, we can go without s*x. This made me very frustrated cos when I feel horny, she will be giving me attitude. Thoughts of cheating started coming into my head. I tried my best to push them away.
Many times, I decide to be the bigger person, I call her and say: let us talk and she goes, she is not interested. I tell her I love her, send her romantic messages. I try my best, I swear but she just puts me off all the time with wrong attitude. This made me seek help from from online research etc and I found out that some women have problems like being frigid or generally do not have the ability to experience orgasm at all.
I shared my research with her and she said that she had exs before me and all of them gave her orgasm all the time and I am the first man not to give her orgasm. That broke me and I began to actually think something was wrong with me. Since talking to her was not working, I left her alone. I also did not know what else to do. I have tried my best. I did not think she was ready to try as well. It was tiring.
We were both miserable too. We quarreled one night and I told her she does not behave like she wants to be married cos all she is thinking about is orgasm. At least, its not like I don’t last long, I do. Its just her that takes forever to reach a place of pleasure. Even with my tricks. Then she now said: Lanre, we are not s*xually compatible. I was shocked.
I was wondering what she meant by that and she said: Lanre, I am so sorry but I actually began to think something is wrong with me but since the problems we have been having, I mistakenly connected with an ex and I confided in him that I am having issues in my marriage s*x and he wanted to help.
We met in his car and it didnt take him 2 minutes of fingering me, I had the best orgasm of my life. My mouth went like: what the crap is my wife saying? She said, she is not having penetration with her ex…he just fingered her and she came. She had the audacity to say they didn’t have penetration???!!!…like is that supposed to make me say she did not cheat on me?
I got angry and started throwing things cos I felt like I could have strangled her if I didn’t throw things. Here, in my living room, my beautiful wife of less than one year, telling me that I cannot give her s*xual satisfaction and she went to seek the help of her ex to finger her and he gave her the best orgasm. Which man will hear this and not want to kill someone?
So, I told her, since you have gone back to your ex, what now do we do? do we divorce? cos…the same fingering I have fingered you …it did not work…your ex…only 2 minutes…magic happened abi?..the most painful part is my wife’s response: she said, I don’t know Lanre. I love you but we are not s*xually compatible.
Since she says she does not know…I decided to leave her alone to decide but truth be told. My heart is broken. I feel so much pain and frustration. Sometimes I want to get even with her…maybe go and f*ck someone else…to show her too that I am not the one with the problem. But I love her too much to behave in such a stupid way. But everyday, I am wondering, what is the way forward?
I asked her if she wants a divorce…she says no but she wants us to work on our s*x. I have tried everything I know I can do. I even listened to some s8x therapies online to try some of the tricks they recommended (I mean all tricks from giving head, to fingering, to everything you can name) but my wife still isn’t Cumming. Maybe she is right…maybe we are not s8xually compatible. I also am finding it hard to forgive he fact that her ex fingered her. What if he did more than finger her…what if they actually had s*x.
All these is what is making feel that maybe my marriage was a mistake. What do I do now? Please advise me. Its not up to a year…I feel like there is no hope. For me, I don’ mind to keep trying until something works for us but every time I look at my wife, she gives me the vibe that she is regretting getting married to me. Maybe break up now and free ach other to go and find the person that will each of us will be s*xually compatible with? I am tired and do not know what to do anymore.
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