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From Frying Pan To Fire -My New Marriage Is Already Falling Apart. Pls Advise


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From Frying Pan To Fire -My New Marriage Is Already Falling Apart. Pls Advise

My name is anonymous. I am a 51 year old business woman. Five years ago, my husband of 16 years left me for his secretary. It was the most difficult time of my life but with God, family and very good friends, I focused on my business and my children who are now all grown. My last child is almost through with university, so I thank God.

Since my divorce, I have never been with any man because, I was not interested at the time. I wanted to grow my business and discover myself again. Also, most of the men coming for me were married men who wanted to cheat on their wives with me. Many made me think no single man will want a divorcee at the age of 46.

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So for the past five years, I have been single. Only one relationship I tried last year but the guy, a divorcee as well was only looking for s*x and I told myself, no s*x with any man except we have legally married. Late last year, I met a nice man, of 41 years. I fell for him. He is handsome, intelligent, financially stable and very kind.

From Frying Pan To Fire -My New Marriage Is Already Falling Apart. Pls Advise
From Frying Pan To Fire -My New Marriage Is Already Falling Apart. Pls Advise

His name is Fidel (not real name). We clicked very well. It felt like we had know each other for over decades. He is single cos he has not been in successful relationships. In less than a month of dating, he told me he wants to marry me. I mean, we are both not young or have time to waste. I said ok cos I had met everyone in his family within the short space of dating and he met mine and everyone seem to be cool with each other.

From Frying Pan To Fire -My New Marriage Is Already Falling Apart. Pls Advise
From Frying Pan To Fire -My New Marriage Is Already Falling Apart. Pls Advise

Then, we planned and got married on Valentine’s day this year. Before then, we discussed the fact that I am in my menopause and so having children will be by adoption if he wants a child. He said no problem. But after we got married, my handsome husband then said, instead of adoption, we should get a surrogate to carry our child. I was against it but after much begging, I agreed.

So, we started trying to meet some surrogate agencies in here. That was how after all the consultations, payments and paperwork, we got a nurse who was willing to be our surrogate. We started the process in March and by God’s grace, this nurse was able to start carrying our baby in the middle of April 2021.

From what was agreed during the processing, I was the one that is supposed to be in contact when need be. Last week, this nurse called me to say that she wants to travel for a few months because her mother is sick in their village and she wants to go and look after her. I was worried because, I wondered if anything could happen to the pregnancy. She assured me that she can even farm with pregnancy. She has four children of her own.

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I spoke to my husband and he agreed. He even asked me to transfer 50k to her just for like pocket money. The day before she was supposed to travel, I tried everything I could to transfer the money to her, but my bank network was just messing  up. I had no option but ask my husband to withdraw cash from ATM and go and give her the money on his way back that evening.

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There was traffic that day, coupled with the fact that hubby had to divert to egbeda to go and give this woman money for transport. He finally got back home almost 12 mid night that day. The strange thing was that this woman never called to say thank you for the money. I only noticed my husband was a bit upset that I made him go all the way to drop cash with this our surrogate.

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After three days,I had to call this woman to ask her if she has arrived her home town and to ask her if she received the 50k we sent her. This woman did not pick my calls throughout that day. The next day, she called me back. And when I asked her why she has not called: she was quiet. I kept asking what the issue is. Finally she said, madam, I just like you because you are a good woman but I just want you to know that your husband is a bad man.

I was like: what do you mean? She said since the day we met her as our surrogate, that my husband has been trying to sleep with her. And that day I asked him to come and give her the 50k. That my husband insisted on having s*x with her before releasing the money. And that because she needed the money, she agreed. That she feels bad because she has never done this before since she started getting paid to carry other peoples’ pregnancy.

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To be honest, I was going to swear this woman was kidding me but she told me that she regrets ever agreeing to help us and that we will not see her again until she gives birth in November. That any monthly upkeep we have for her should be by transfer. To be candid: since she told me this, I have not had the courage to ask my husband this.

This is because, I really and truly love my husband. I knew there is no need to confront him. It most likely would be true. My biggest fear is that this problem might make us separate just like my first marriage. Next thing is, people will say I am the one with a problem …that I cannot keep a man or a marriage. Fidel is handsome, I see the way ladies look at him…any woman would want him….he is also a smooth talker.

I have just been so afraid to ask him cos of what I fear would happen afterwards. He is a younger man than me. Maybe he is just a bit curious…And this is why I am asking for advise: should I continue to keep quiet and pretend like the surrogate never told me anything? Or should I confront him? Its hurting me that its not even up to six months after marriage that I have to deal with another potential heartbreak.

Many may chastise me for jumping quickly into a marriage in less than three months, but truly I thought it was ok to get married cos we were not children trying to figure out what they truly want in life. But as it is, I walked right from frying pan to fire…Please how do I go about this?


Photo Credit:daily scoop


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From Frying Pan To Fire -My New Marriage Is Already Falling Apart. Pls Advise
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. You need to ask him,he needs to be aware that you already know he slept with the surrogate woman. Please ask him,and be careful of that man. Being good and handsome doesn’t mean that he is righteous, there is no harm in trying to find out if what the surrogate told you was true .He dare not deny it,but some men sha

    • Just hold on and try to be calm. Your husband will definitely deny everything because it will be that woman’s word against his but be vigilant. You are a strong woman and can deal with anything. Don’t be bothered by peoples judgement but focus on building your home. Try your best to be the best wife, also discuss and review your marriage with your husband from time to time, be open to each other

  2. What would you do if you ask him and he said yes? More so I don’t know the reason you should keep in contact with your surrogate? You guys are not supposed to know each other for security reasons.


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