My Decision To Remain In A Loveless Marriage Is Breaking My Heart-Pls Advise
To be honest, I don’t know why I am writing this but I feel like talking to someone to lift the burden off my chest. I am a married man but I am very unhappy. It all started like 8 years ago. I made decisions that I thought was for the best but it appears, that decision means I will be unhappy for the rest of my life.
Lilly(not real name) and I met 10 years ago. The most beautiful two years of my life were spent with her. She is smart, beautiful, kind and very loving. From a very humble beginning, Lilly changed my life. I knew I wanted to marry her,no doubt. She was the only daughter of her sick mother.
Lilly’s mother had cancer and needed alot of money for her chemotherapy and Lilly was her primary care giver. Lilly’s elder brother arranged for her to marry a rich man that would help them to take care of their mother’s financial bills. But when Lilly met me,we fell in love and we tried to convince the brother and mother to allow us get married.
Lilly’s mother and brother managed to convince Lilly that marrying this man was their mother’s only hope. Well, Lilly choose to marry this man and I was so heartbroken. Lilly too was not happy as she stayed in touch even when she was married to the man. I felt helpless cos I could not help her. I only encouraged her to hold on and pray to God.
This man, Lilly’s husband did not love her. He just wanted a child from her and Lilly could not get pregnant and this was a big issue everyday in their marriage. The man threatened to send her away after two years of marriage without a baby. A desperate Lilly came to me crying and begging me to help her. Out of love for her, we made love and Lilly got pregnant the very next month.
I was happy to make her happy cos I would do anything for Lilly ad she would do the same for me. Along the line, a lady got pregnant for me and I had no choice but to get married. Reason being that, I do not want the child to be raised outside a marriage cos I was raised outside marriage and I don’t want that experience for my own kid.
Lilly’s mother died three years ago and Lilly began to feel trapped in her marriage and began to reach out to me. Much as I loved Lilly, I knew I could not leave my marriage cos of the promise I made not to raise children out of wedlock. So, Lilly and I meet secretly. Yes, we both know its wrong but we are both in love and married to the wrong people because of circumstances.
Unfortunately, my wife got to find out about me and Lilly. Initially she was threatening to do all sorts but I explained to her what happened and promised to end the relationship with Lilly. Two years, Lilly left her marriage. She could no longer continue in a marriage where she was not interested in. She told her husband that their son is not his and the man after doing a DNA to confirm divorced Lilly.
Lilly wanted us to be together. She is begging me not to keep living apart from her but like I said, I want to stay married for my kid. But my heart is with Lilly. Its been two years since Lilly’s divorce, she now wants to move on since its clear that I wont leave my marriage. She wants to relocate to Canada with my kid. Lilly says she will make sure I don’t see her or my son forever. I feel like my heart is so heavy right now. I don’t want her to go but I cannot give her hope and that makes me so very sad.
I truly wish things were different. My wife and my children did nothing to be in this situation so I feel like I have to sacrifice my happiness but every day I am filled with sadness and regret. I wonder if I can live with this decision for the rest of my life. I am 36 years old and I am living so unhappy. Sometimes I think its better to end my marriage now and be with Lilly before I regret this when we are both alot older.
I keep telling myself its the right decision I made…my wife is not even happy because she senses that I am not in love with her. Have I really made the right decision…wouldn’t you agree?
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