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My Decision To Remain In A Loveless Marriage Is Breaking My Heart-Pls Advise


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My Decision To Remain In A Loveless Marriage Is Breaking My Heart-Pls Advise

To be honest, I don’t know why I am writing this but I feel like talking to someone to lift the burden off my chest. I am a married man but I am very unhappy. It all started like 8 years ago. I made decisions that I thought was for the best but it appears, that decision means I will be unhappy for the rest of my life.

Lilly(not real name) and I met 10 years ago. The most beautiful two years of my life were spent with her. She is smart, beautiful, kind and very loving. From a very humble beginning, Lilly changed my life. I knew I wanted to marry her,no doubt. She was the only daughter of her sick mother.

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Lilly’s mother had cancer and needed alot of money for her chemotherapy and Lilly was her primary care giver. Lilly’s elder brother arranged for her to marry a rich man that would help them to take care of their mother’s financial bills. But when Lilly met me,we fell in love and we tried to convince the brother and mother to allow us get married.

Lilly’s mother and brother managed to convince Lilly that marrying this man was their mother’s only hope. Well, Lilly choose to marry this man and I was so heartbroken. Lilly too was not happy as she stayed in touch even when she was married to the man. I felt helpless cos I could not help her. I only encouraged her to hold on and pray to God.

This man, Lilly’s husband did not love her. He just wanted a child from her and Lilly could not get pregnant and this was a big issue everyday in their marriage. The man threatened to send her away after two years of marriage without a baby. A desperate Lilly came to me crying and begging me to help her. Out of love for her, we made love and Lilly got pregnant the very next month.

I was happy to make her happy cos I would do anything for Lilly ad she would do the same for me. Along the line, a lady got pregnant for me and I had no choice but to get married. Reason being that, I do not want the child to be raised outside a marriage cos I was raised outside marriage and I don’t want that experience for my own kid.

Lilly’s mother died three years ago and Lilly began to feel trapped in her marriage and began to reach out to me. Much as I loved Lilly, I knew I could not leave my marriage cos of the promise I made not to raise children out of wedlock. So, Lilly and I meet secretly. Yes, we both know its wrong but we are both in love and married to the wrong people because of circumstances.

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Unfortunately, my wife got to find out about me and Lilly. Initially she was threatening to do all sorts but I explained to her what happened and promised to end the relationship with Lilly. Two years, Lilly left her marriage. She could no longer continue in a marriage where she was not interested in. She told her husband that their son is not his and the man after doing a DNA to confirm divorced Lilly.

Lilly wanted us to be together. She is begging me not to keep living apart from her but like I said, I want to stay married for my kid. But my heart is with Lilly. Its been two years since Lilly’s divorce, she now wants to move on since its clear that I wont leave my marriage. She wants to relocate to Canada with my kid. Lilly says she will make sure I don’t see her or my son forever. I feel like my heart is so heavy right now. I don’t want her to go but I cannot give her hope and that makes me so very sad.

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I truly wish things were different. My wife and my children did nothing to be in this situation so I feel like I have to sacrifice my happiness but every day I am filled with sadness and regret. I wonder if I can live with this decision for the rest of my life. I am 36 years old and I am living so unhappy. Sometimes I think its better to end my marriage now and be with Lilly before I regret this when we are both alot older.

I keep telling myself its the right decision I made…my wife is not even happy because she senses that I am not in love with her. Have I really made the right decision…wouldn’t you agree?



Photo Credit:iStock


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My Decision To Remain In A Loveless Marriage Is Breaking My Heart-Pls Advise
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


    • Leave lily and find a way to love your wife,you can always check up on your son,you hear me so. Afterall her mother and brother made her marry the rich man,so how do you want to leave your lovely wife all because you are looking for happiness,please let her move on ,when you begin to love your wife ,you will forget about Lily,okay. Love your family,peace be unto you

  1. Bros, u can’t eat your cake and have it. U need to decide on what to do you’re still very young your happiness should be your top most priority!

    It’s obvious, you’re not happy, Even your wife is not happy and I believe you know you can’t force love, so decide now before either of you die of heart attack.

    It’s well with you

  2. The deed has been done..Lilly is only being selfish because she didn’t think about the hurt and pain you felt when she was married to her Husband…

    When she had issues with conceiving you helped her out and when she was done with her own marriage she left and she’s blackmailing with traveling with your son..

    You should know you’re not smart my brother… you said earlier you wanted to raise your kids together and you forgot all those vows you made to yourself when you were helping another man’s wife get pregnant..
    Now you just remembered you don’t love your wife anymore…lily is now the one your heart is knitted with.. what now happens to the children your wife bore for you.. don’t you want them together anymore???

    What you share with Lily is not love but infatuation… grow up and take good decisions that will make you a happy man for life…

    You really need to apologise to your wife and make your home work again…if not you will loose at both ends…I wish you good luck.

  3. For me, you are just greedy, if you found out your wife was cheating on you, how would you feel, you claim lilly’s husband did not love her, I ask did lilly love her husband by marrying him cos of his money, and you slept with another man’s wife, how does that sound, Lilly saying you will never see your son is a very greedy woman, she is a greedy lady, but you caused it so deal with the consequence. GOD bless you.


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