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S8x Or Food- Which Is Greater To Help Me Win My Man’s Heart? – Please Advise Before I Make A Mistake


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S8x Or Food- Which Is Greater To Help Me Win My Man’s Heart? – Please Advise Before I Make A Mistake


I want to remain anonymous. I been in a toxic relationship for almost two years now. I call it toxic because we always quarrel and make up and quarrel and make up all the time. Both of us cant seem to live without each other but we always have an issue with one thing and that is the fact that I do not know how to cook.

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It may sound strange for an African woman not to know how to cook but my case is not just that I don’t know how to cook, I do not like to cook. This is because I grew up with my dad who is a single dad. My dad and mom separated when we quite young and he never remarried but had several girlfriends. My dad never told us where our mother went cos we never saw her until I was 21 years old.

Myself and my brothers were shipped to boarding school and university all the time. Even holidays, we were not allowed to cook cos it was from one girlfriend to another, no real mother figure in our lives. One time, I tried to cook noodles for me and my brother, I almost burned down the kitchen. The napkin I was holding caught fire and I panicked and ran outside with it.

My dad banned me from going near the gas saying I wanted to burn down his house. I hated cooking. So, every relationship I was in, I told the guy upfront that I cant cook. And that was a turn off for many guys. But God gave me another skill which I used in keeping guys around. Spending too much time on my own as a child, I got into s8x quite early. I watched lots of blue films, explored all kinds of s8x and I can say I am extremely skillful in that area.

So when I met my current boyfriend two years ago, I told him I don’t like cooking, he laughed and said he will teach me. I told him I don’t want to learn and he said he will change my mind. Well, I fell for him and he for me cos you know, the s8x is phenomenal. So, when he tried to make me learn how to cook, I always refused and it turns out bad.

Then he started accusing me of not wanting to make compromise for love. We broke up. But after three months, he missed me and came back and that is how we have been making up and breaking up for two years now. He eventually proposed to me and I accepted cos I feel we both know our weaknesses and strengths. After all, no relationship is perfect.

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However, when he told me his mother was coming to Lagos to visit, I told him that I hope his mother knows I cannot cook and he laughed and said its no problem. So, the mom came and she started making trouble. That which kind of wife will her son marry …that is it her son that will be cooking for me. I told her we will get a chef or eat out. This woman insulted the living day light out of me and cursed me:saying my mother did not train me well.

Well, its true, my mother did not train me cos she left us but that she would insult my mother, I could not take it. I told her to go to hell and that if she cannot accept me, then her son too can leave. She reported me to her son and her son got angry with me. Saying I should not have insulted his mother no matter what . After all, its him am marrying not his mother.

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I apologized to his mother and she then said that will only accept my apology if I can let her teach me how to cook. That she sees her son loves me and that she does not want him to eating another woman’s food when we got married. Because of love, I agreed and she taught me how to cook a few meals.

When she left, I decided to try my hands on one of the dishes she taught me. Which was ogbonor soup. I did everything she taught me but instead of my boyfriend to appreciate it, he said it was horrible and that I should not bother with cooking since he already loves me the way I am. I felt bad cos he flushed the entire pot of food in the toilet. Well, thank God he accepted my fate.

Only for me to wake up that night, my fiancé was not in bed with me. And I checked, he was not in the toilet. I got up to look for him and found him in the sitting room on the phone. He was talking to someone which I found out was his friend. He was telling him about my horrible pot of soup. And laughing at me. Saying he is only hooked to me cos of s8x that he will definitely have a side chick when we marry who will be giving him both good s8x and good food.

He said that will be my punishment for not learning how to cook. I called out his name and he quickly cut the call. I then asked him if that was his plan: to marry me and still have a side chick to be s8xing him and cooking for him? He said he was just kidding…that its just guys talk… he was boasting. But I am worried. What if he was not joking? He already apologized but my heart is not at ease anymore.

Like I said, in two years, we have broken up and made up up to four times. I do not want that when I get married cos I know what my parents breakup did to me. I told my fiancé that maybe we should take a break and he got upset. Saying I am taking things too serious, that he was just joking with hi friend. Even his friend texted me that it was a joke but I still have a little fear at the back of my mind.

Please do you think I am being paranoid for nothing? Was he really just trash talking or joking? My not being able to cook and not liking to cook, will that be a deal breaker in our marriage? I know the s8x will make him never leave me (he has sworn that I am the best he has ever been with) . Even his friend said it, that my fiancé is always boasting that I am a beast in the bedroom. So, they are even discussing my s8x life…chai…are men so gossipy like this?Is that enough though for us to have a peaceful marriage?

Kindly advise me.



Photo Credit:Blackcouplerevolution

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S8x Or Food- Which Is Greater To Help Me Win My Man's Heart? - Please Advise Before I Make A Mistake
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. My dear sister,
    Lets get this point straight a man can never be with you for either of the above reasons expect he chooses to.that been said yes no one is perfect but… This seems to be a problem for ur fiance hence his discussing it with his friend my advice is this sex and food is not be enough to make a marriage work there are other factors like understanding maturity tolerance patience and a whole lot depending on what you are comfortable with so you need to put these things in check then u can decide whether to go ahead or not cos that guy u will definitely cheat on u no doubt about it in marriage, but u should try n have an open mind to learn just cos u were not doing it doesn’t mean you can’t learn

  2. Nne if I were you I will go and learn how to cook both local and intercontinental meals. You can’t do without cooking for your husband and children, how long will you be eating from the chef or eating out? You better think twice,go and learn to cook this minute before you get married to him.
    Don’t think you are so good on bed and that alone will keep your man,pray that he doesn’t see a woman who is hotter than you on bed,a woman that can twist, wine,dance and take him to cloud nine,just pray he doesn’t meet such woman,then you go know say woman pass woman for bed matter. To cut long story short,no man will stay with a woman who cannot cook,no matter the food,that your mum didn’t teach you is not an excuse at all,you need to learn so that you can teach your children as well. Learn to cook good meals,learn to up your game the more in the Oza room,it is well with you. You can do it, just open your mind to it,it is nothing. Learn to use and put the right ingredients when cooking,even your husband will be running home because of your well cooked and delicious delicacy. Udo

  3. Hello,

    Your fiancé was more likely serious, if you don’t learn how to cook, he may find a constant place for meals after marriage and other things can follow.

    You can change that. S.x is not everything, some people loose interest in it after so many years in marriage or unable to perform but one has to eat to remain alive, your family will need to as well.

    The way forward is to change your orientation and never nurture the thought again that ‘I don’t like to cook’, don’t accept the excuse of your circumstances as a reason not to cook. See the need to learn , it will be important to your husband, children and you. Plan now to be a good mother when you start having children. A mother nurtures, feeds, looks well to her household… that includes meals.

    You can get a mama to come over and teach you , register in a school if they exist and learn and consolidate with watching chefs online.

    Can you make tea, cut a slice of bread ,boil egg, rice, potatoes, make eba, marinate meat? Those should be easy to master.

    Next can you learn to fry egg, plantain, potatoes , blend tomatoes, pepper & onion in the right proportion?

    Then can you use a little amount of water with the right spices to boil stockfish, shaki then add meat? If you can you are almost able to make most soups .

    Can you learn to heat up oil, add onion and add the blended tomatoes… fry for a while then add stock for stew etc.

    Gradually move to more complex foods after learning these easier meals.

    You can do it, look at learning this act as a key to keeping your marriage. If you say it doesn’t matter, will it not matter to the next person you meet?

    I think your fiancé was serious, avoid marital issues tomorrow, take little steps today, you can do it if you try.

    All the best

  4. I think your problem is that u think ur ability in bed will cover-up for ur inability in the kitchen.In ur post u mentioned that God gave u the bed skills but no u developed it by ur exposure and this can be the same for ur kitchen skills.I can tell u for free that everything ur boyfriend said in that call he meant it.pls be wise


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