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For The Married & Matured- Can You Agree To All Forms Of ‘Intimacy’ In Marriage? Pls Advise


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For The Married & Matured- Can You Agree To All Forms Of ‘Intimacy’ In Marriage? Pls Advise


I am in a relationship which is about seven months now. My boyfriend is sweet and I love him alot. We are Christians. We hope to get married by the grace of God. Like I said, its been a period of great friendship and our parents ,families and friends approve of our relationship. They always say we are like a match made in heaven cos my boyfriend treats me like a queen and he respects everyone in my life.

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We talk about our marriage plans alot and I can’t wait to be asked formally to marry him. The only issue I have with boyfriend is s8x. We both know as Christians we should not engage in pre-marital sex but its hard to not to do it when you are genuinely in love and deeply attracted to the person. So, I been telling him to hurry up lets get married cos I don’t want to continue like this.

To be honest, he tries to abstain. However, he always tells me that he likes s8x alot and can’t wait to get married and that once we get married, it will be everyday. I laugh and tell him that its not possible to have s8x everyday but he tells me to wait and see. He also always talks about how we will be spicing up our s8x life when we get married.

To my surprise, my boyfriend told me that when we get married ,we will do all the s8xual excitement things we were not allowed to do as singles: things like going to strip club, doing some s8xual role play and acts (including anal & oral) when we get married. To him, he cant wait to do all of that soon as we marry. That he will teach me alot of things to satisfy him and he too will make sure he always satisfies me.

My issue is that, I have told him that I don’t think its right for believers to engage in some kind of s8xual acts especially strip club. And he said there is no where in the bible where it says strip clubs are now allowed for married people. That its a sports that will enhance our s8xual life.

While I appreciate his honesty, I asked him lets ask our pastor if he is right and he says pastors does not now what goes on with married peoples s8x life and its not wrong to always ensure the marriage is kept spicy and exciting.

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My friend agrees with him, she believes that a wife must always keep the marriage s8x exciting with whatever the husband suggests so that the husband will not go out looking for other women to satisfy their s8xual fantasies that their wives cannot provide them.

The idea of keeping the marriage spicy and exciting is great to me. Frankly speaking, I am open to it. But I believe that there should be limits to what you can engage in but my boyfriend believes there is no limit for legally married couples. And that is why I am asking: is this a red flag for me to consider? what if we get married and I am unable to do some of the things he asks me to do to please him, will that be an issue?

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I have asked him that question several times and he laughs and tells me to relax, that he will be patient with me and teach me to like what he likes. He says marriage is about compromise and that we will both learn to compromise to keep each other happy. That kind of makes me relax a bit but I still want to ask: can a husband’s s8xual preferences ever be a red flag? Should I be worried or just relax and trust him or should I just out rightly refuse right now?

Is this enough reason to walk away from such a beautiful relationship and a great guy? Or am I just being a prude like my friend says? Please advise.


Photo Credit:mpasho


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For The Married & Matured- Can You Agree To All Forms Of 'Intimacy' In Marriage? Pls Advise
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Why didn’t your pastor consult about his sexual life? The problem of Africa is always religion. This early morning you want consult your pastor. This loves you and he’s all over you and you should be happy for that. The truth is when you finally get married none of these may happen because marriage is more than you see in the surface.


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