HomeAdviceMy Children Prefer My Lover To Their Father But Its Complicated-Pls Advise

My Children Prefer My Lover To Their Father But Its Complicated-Pls Advise


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My Children Prefer My Lover To Their Father But Its Complicated-Pls Advise

Eleven years ago, I met my husband as a corper who did not have anything. A young handsome boy who was always smiling. With my Uncle’s influence, he got a job into the civil service. And with God on our side,we got married and we have moved up our career, doing very well financially, so much that we built our first house in magodo after five years of marriage.

My husband went into politics and things began to change. My once loving husband spent more time with political associates and meetings and strange women and our marriage began to suffer. Yes, I supported his political attempts but when it began to turn him into an alcoholic, I knew it was a mistake.

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The circles he moved in, turned him into an alcoholic. He would drink so bad that I would be forced to carry him from the car to the house. Then he became abusive. He would hit me and curse me. I got infected by him with several STDs. I could not take it anymore. I spoke to his younger brother in the US and he told me to relocate with my children. With his help, my children and I left my husband three years ago and we have been living in the US since.

My husband’s younger brother is a doctor. A single dad. We moved into his apartment and I practically became mother to his son and my two children. My brother in-law has always been fond of me but it would have never crossed my mind that I would one day have feelings for him. It was like 7 months after we relocated. Maybe it was loneliness but we ended up kissing and after thinking it was a mistake, we realized we wanted more.

I have been having a relationship with my brother in-law since that time. We are both in love but its complicated cos I am still his elder brother’s wife. So, I filed for a divorce last year but my husband suddenly changed and started trying to win me back. He would travel to see me and the children every 3 months and that really was hard cos his brother was always filed with rage and jealousy.

My husband always thanked his younger brother for taking care of me and our children but it killed him knowing that he was trying to win me back. I begged my brother in-law to forget about me, so I don’t cause a problem in the family. But he wont listen. He says I am his and he will never allow me go back to his brother.

I feel like the only way I can be free of my brother inlaw is if I go back to Nigeria,away from seeing him. But I do not want to go back because my children are happy here. They love being in US than Nigeria and they completely adore their Uncle. But as long as I continue to stay here, my feelings for my brother in-law will never go away. What should I do?

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My brother inlaw wants me to go ahead with the divorce so we can be together. Its true, I love him more than my husband. He treats me better. He was there in my most difficult times and he is the best man any woman can dream of. But I always feel scared that if I go ahead with my divorce, my husband may one day find out about my relationship with his brother.

My brother in-law wants to come clean to his elder brother. Tell him about us but I am scared. He even said he is ready to take all the blame but we know women will always be blamed in this kind of situation. He said we can relocate to Australia and be there for a while. Should I do it?

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Remember, my husband, even though has changed but he is still an alcoholic. I fear him being in politics will always be a threat to our marriage. He even has a baby mama now but he wants to still be married to me. My children still fear him for the way they saw him treat me plus he used to shout at them when he gets drunk. They prefer Uncle as their father. He is kind and a far better father figure. I am truly confused. Should I go ahead and divorce the elder brother who is an alcoholic and marry the younger brother who treats me like a queen? Will that be too wrong?

Its not like everyone does not know how badly my husband treated me. No one will be truly surprised if we divorced. Its just that ….what will people say when they know I am with his younger brother? Should I be worried about that or just ignore whatever people say? After all, isn’t happiness more important than what people think? Yes, the family might not like it but we don’t live in Nigeria and we may never live there, who cares what people will say?

I just want what is best for me and my children. My mother (she is the only one I have told for now) was against it before but now, she just want me to be happy…What would you do if you were in my shoes?




Photo Credit:gaurdian


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My Children Prefer My Lover To Their Father But Its Complicated-Pls Advise
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Madam you cannot marry your husband’s younger brother, if you like live in heaven where no one will know about your affair,the truth still remains that you cannot and will never marry him. If you feel you want to be divorced and be happy,look for another man, don’t bring world war 2 into your husband’s family biko. So you just discovered that you now love your brother in-law more than your husband abi, for eleven years you didn’t love your husband, the father of your children okwaya, just within how many months with your brother in-law you are now madly in love with him. What will you tell your children when they grow up? That you got married to their father’s brother or what? Come back to Nigeria ,make your marriage work instead of trying to divorce him because of his younger brother. Where is your conscience? Ladies always ensure you marry a man that will be a good father to your children instead of marrying handsome bobo with money that will turn out to be a mess ,alcoholic and bad influence to your children,family and generation .Things of these nature does not longer matter to us abi,people feel they can just decide to do whatever they like,there is God oooo. This is a man you once loved and all of a sudden because he now drinks, and also into politics,you now want to leave him for his brother. Weldone

  2. You have ruined that family. You made those to hate their father and not the other way round. You will reap what you sow

  3. Thanks for reaching out !
    The Word of God said that there’s “Safety” in the Multitude of Counsels.

    There’s this error we most times make in our Sefish and greedy plans, Namely……my happiness ! my happiness !!
    We don’t consider, respect and honour God on how He feels when we totally go against His eternal Word and plans for our lives….. whenever we make our own Choice.

    I am sorry for all you suffered from your husband…. really sorry indeed !

    But to be honest with you; Confess your love affairs with his brother and try to dialogue with your husband and tell him clearly (but with humility) what you really want in your marriage if he’s still interested. Communication is One of the best ingredients in building a successful relationship and lasting marriage.

    Try to come to terms with your husband and BE RECONCILED with him. And if, you still want to go ahead with the divorce, It is Well !

    BUT Ma, Don’t You Ever Marry his Brother you are staying with in the U.S. Anyhow you think it, It is wrong. You will Only be the source of rancor between brothers and their family. Think of it !

    It’s better you reconcile with your husband and build your home and the future of your children together, or divorce him and re-marry to a total stranger……but Not to his blood brother !

    Above all, seek God in prayers and ask Him to help you to please Him. He will bless you.

  4. Are you really sure it’s love you have for your brother-in-law? I respect the fact that he stood in on behalf of his brother but it would have been nice to have stayed single for awhile without going into any relationships not to talk more of with your brother-in-law.
    It’s not about what will people say, he was there for you in your low times and you had no business going into a relationship with him or sleeping with him.

    It’s all a complete mess right now.
    Your husband may have truly changed and you may need to go back to him but don’t stay in the US because of his brother, that relationship is outrightly wrong. You may just have been carried away by his filling in the father figure for your children and interprete this as love.

    I wish you well in your choice.
    Marriage is a lifetime commitment, even if you separate and things are sorted out it’s better to go back for than to hurriedly start a new relationship like you’ve done. I think you’re confusing your Brother-in-law’s care for love and that he took advantage of the situation.
    God bless.

  5. Did you say your brother in law flies into rage and jealousy when your husband comes around? I’m sorry Madam but you’re going to get yourself, your brother in law,your children, his child and your husband killed! It’s just going to take one moment of jealous rage and a loaded gun and it’s done. Please disentangle IMMEDIATELY and move out that situation TODAY. When you’re out of that house you may exercise the luxury of reflecting on what you want to do. So my first concern is safety for everyone involved. Secondly (and I admit this may not resonate with liberal America) there is only one word that rings in my head concerning what you are contemplating and it is “abomination”! Where we come from it is an abomination to marry your husband’s brother in his lifetime. Some cultures allow such a marriage if your husband is dead but never otherwise. But if you pull this through you’ve guaranteed to perpetuate enmity between those brothers for the remaining of their lives. If you have the conscience to effect such enmity between brothers and find the happiness to live with it ,I’m afraid I really don’t have anything to say to you because what that says to me is that you have a very warped sense of what is right and wrong. Conscience resides in you and will follow you wherever you go or live. I’m pathologically afraid of people who pursue happiness above right and wrong. And for your brother in law I mourn for him and the choice he is making and pray that God opens his eyes to avoid the pit he’s walking into. But on the odd that something I have said awakens your conscience I advise you to quit the relationship with your brother in law now and at least give the family a fighting chance to reconcile. Please don’t leave behind a legacy of permanent enmity in this family.


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