HomeAdviceMy Husband Has Banned My Mother From Visiting Us-Please Advise

My Husband Has Banned My Mother From Visiting Us-Please Advise

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My Husband Has Banned My Mother From Visiting Us-Please Advise

Good day madam,

I am in serious soup. Please hide my ID. My husband and I have an issue. This issue is with his mother. His mother wants to control our marriage and our lives. It started when I had my first child. The mother insisted that she will be the one to come and help with the baby when I give birth. I said no that I want my mother to come but my husband insisted its their culture for the husband’s mother to come for omugwo.

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We argued about it but eventually the mother came. I had friction with her all through her stay. She decides what to do with the baby same way she decides what happens in my marriage. So, since then, its been difficult to communicate with her and in turn, this causes problems between me and my husband.

My mother inlaw stayed six months after I had my baby. It was by fire by fire that she eventually left. When my baby was 14 months old, I discovered I was pregnant again. I panicked thinking, that means, my mother in-law will soon come again. So, I called my mom and we both planned that I will come and stay with her like a month before I give birth, so that I will be with her and my mother in-law will have no need to come.

So, I went to my mom’s place. My husband was not happy with my mother when he realized what she planned with me. We kept on quarrelling all through even when he called on phone, we would be arguing cos he felt deceived.

I moved in with my mother who is remarried cos I lost my dad when I was 15. My step dad’s younger brother (Victor) was around but my half siblings who are in University were not around when I returned to my mom’s place. Victor is a soldier on vacation cos he is based abroad. We used to get along and gist about you know war and other things. He was my companion anytime my mom went to work cos she will leave me at home…

That was when the devil started to tempt me. Victor is very western, I followed with him quite easily. He gists very freely with me to the extent that I confided in him some of the marital issues I was having. When I told him how my husband hardly has s*x with me cos of the issues we have, he talked to me about self pleasuring which he said he will help me get s8x toys and other things that enhance self s8xual pleasure.

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As promised, he ordered for them and gave them to me. I didn’t know how to use them, so he had to show me how. Even as I was close to delivering my baby, I began to experience s8xual pleasure that I did not experience since I got married. My hormones did not help matter. I became very horny the more I used a vibrator.

Then one day, Victor (my step brother’s younger brother) asked me for the feedback on how I am using the toys he got me. I told him it makes me very horny all the time for the real thing. This guy laughed and said he can help if I want. I told him god forbid o. We laughed it off. Just a week before I go back, I was in my room alone, my mom and her husband had gone out. The house was quiet and I actually thought I was alone.

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I got out the vibrator and began to pleasure myself. I was moaning so loud in a few minutes. I did not notice that Victor had come inside and was watching me. My eyes were closed and just as I was about to come, Victor removed the vibrator from my hands and inserted his d*ck. I was shocked but I couldn’t control my body. I was shaking and very afraid.

Victor was mad cos I couldn’t control him or myself. I am ashamed as I remember how another man took me and made my cum like 3 times in my mother’s house. I was so ashamed and upset that I told him to get out. He begged me and asked for my forgiveness. That if anyone heard what he did, he might be withdrawn from the army or disciplined. I told him no problem but that he should avoid me going forward.

A few days before I gave birth, my husband and I had an argument on the phone. It was so heated that I was shouting. Victor came and asked me if everything was ok. I began to cry cos I was really upset and vulnerable. Before I knew it, Victor was comforting me and I kissing him. You know what happened after that. The s8x was so intense that I went into labor immediately.

Victor rushed me to the hospital before my mother could arrive. I went straight into the theater and my baby boy was born in less than two hours. I stayed back in my mom’s place for another three months before I went back to my husband’s house. Victor of course had gone back to base. I wont lie. I have been consumed by guilt of what happened with me and Victor but I swore it will not happen again…over my dead body.

But four months later, I started getting text messages from Victor. He misses me and says he cant forget the memories of us together. Instead of me to block his no, I read his messages and masturbated to them before deleting them. At least, its not like the real thing, I told myself. Well, God punished me by exposing me: one day, my first child was playing with my phone and watching cartoon.

Unfortunately, her dad was with her and someone, she went to my chats and I had some undeleted chats from Victor. He father read the chats and went completely ballistic. But who can blame him. All hell was let loose. He demanded to know who Victor is. I lied to him that its just an online crush I was messing with. Before I knew it, my husband called my mother to demand who is Victor, he suspected he was my step father’s brother of course because my husband knew Victor stayed with my mom and her husband.

My husband reported me to my mother and put my mother on speaker. My mother, in confusion asked: Kinen, is this true. I wanted to lie but the more I lied, the more I exposed myself. I just broke down and started crying and asking for forgiveness. My husband said our marriage is over.

My mother came to beg on my behalf. My husband was so furious that he said the only way he can forgive me is that I will never visit my mother again and my mother will never set foot in our house. You see, this is his mother’s wish. I told him no way, if his mother is welcome to our house, so is my own mother.

My husband is cursing my mother. Accusing her of setting up her brother in-law to sleep with his wife. And we have not been at peace since then. I have begged my husband to forgive me. I confessed how everything happened to him and he said the only way he can forgive me is if my mother is cut off from our family cos she is behind all this. He just wants to isolate me from my mother and let his mother win by always having access to us.

I feel I caused this pain but how will I be banned from my mother for my own mistake? Why is my husband choosing to punish me with the worse punishment? Please what do I do? Please help me. I know  I was wrong. I have asked God to forgive me…but the condition my husband is giving me is too much. What should I do? I am desperate.

Anonymous

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

 

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My Husband Has Banned My Mother From Visiting Us-Please Advise
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

2 COMMENTS

  1. Hmmmmm
    You actually gave your husband the opportunity to use against you. If you had controlled your mouth (Talkative & Nagging) with your step Dad’s younger brother (Victor) you’ve not find yourself in this kind of condition.

    Your husband is right, if you ha not planned on visiting your mom,all these would have been avoided.
    Go to God, ask Him for mercies, because you committed adultery, then call for your mother & mother in-law and ask for their mercies because your sins are abominable acts.

  2. Madam why did you leave your husband’s house in the first place? Does it mean you cannot manage your home or what? Are you not a woman,a mother,a role model and some day you will become a mother in-law,if you are treated the same way you have treated your husband’s mother will you be happy? How can you say she is always controlling your marriage? A woman who doesn’t stay or live with you, she only came to stay for 6months. But madam,you get mind ooo,you left your matrimonial home for your mother’s place and started doing nonsense, a married woman with pregnancy for that matter,nawaoo. Your mother is not a good sombori,why did she agree to such a devilish plan in the first place, and she never told you to tell your husband. Huh,some mothers sef. I support your husband’s decision, your mother is a bad influence, she is the one who has finally destroyed your marriage by planning with you to leave your home. He didn’t stop you from seeing her right,please she does not have any business to do in your house, she has her own house, so make she dey her dey and maintain her champion. Stop every conversation with Victor since he has been victorious in all his dealings with you,and that’s because you were so cheap,Victor has gone back to his base living happily while your marriage is in trouble. Tell me how your husband will ever trust and continue to love you with what you have done couple with the hate you have for his mother. Always respect yourself woman,you have a husband that is good in the oza room and you allowed Victor to buy you sex toys. God bless you

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