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Help: I Do Not Understand My Husband Anymore-Its Driving Me Crazy


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Help: I Do Not Understand My Husband Anymore-Its Driving Me Crazy
I got married two years ago but I feel like I am trapped in my marriage. I do not recognise the man I married. My husband used to love me and care for me.  He used to be emotional but right now,I have no idea what is going on.
As you are can imagine,we loved each other very much even though we didn’t have much at the time. He was earning 96k a month and I was earning 75k a month but we had friendship and that was our determination to be together no matter  what.
Well,life happened. My husband lost his job and has not been able to get another one since then. We decided to stay on contraceptives until things get better for us financially.  But depending on my 75k was hard.
He then got a car from a former boss to do uber. And then,came lock down last year. Uber business was not profitable. My husband combined selling of phone accessories to the uber business. It’s still not much coming from there but at least3he was busy,not begging for every penny he needed.
When it was obvious we couldn’t pay our rent by January this year,we moved into a friend’s mother’s bq. This friend is abroad but his mother is in naija.Just to show gratitude, I used to  do small small things for the mother.
Sometimes ,I help her cook or shop or clean even though she has her house help but I just wanted to be able to repay her for helping us when we had  no where else to go.
This woman was like a mother to us,or so I thought.  She also travels almost every week so she was pretty not much in our business… we went about our normal business without any hassles.
Something changed in March. I got pregnant and even though I was on contraceptives, I was surprised I got pregnant. I told my husband and he was shocked. I know we are not ready financially but a baby is always a blessing right? And it’s not like I am jobless, we can manage still on what we still earn.
But my husband was not happy. He told me to abort. I said never. He said then I should be ready for whatever comes cos he is not ready mentally or financially. Since then, he does not show care or bother about me or my baby.
I try to talk to him,find out why he is so unhappy. He said he is not just ready. I cried and cried. I told my mother and she was confused. My mother called him to tell him not to worry ,that everything will be fine but my husband said I am on my own.
I have been so confused. Even when I am having morning sickness, my husband will not show carenor concern. I got very prayerful.  And then, I started to have bad dreams where I see our landlady chasing me.
I told my mother my dream and she said we should be praying more and more. I went for two doctors appointment in April and may and all was fine. The only thing I was facing was my husband’s lack of care and bad dreams.
In the 3rd week of may,while at work, I started to bleed and before I knew it,I was rushed to the hospital lost the baby. I was in pain  and depressed.  Instead of hubby to show remorse,he said to me…I told you …we are not ready.haba…how can a husband say that to a grieving wife?
Since then,i have not been myself. I am suffering mental breakdown. I cry alot. I am not concentrating at anything. I am sad and angry at my husband for his actions and I feel so trapped in this marriage. I cannot breathe and its driving me insane.
My mother says our landlady has something to do with the loss of our baby. That she may have done something spiritually to harm my baby and may even be the one behind my husbands attitude.
I told my husband that we have to move out of the house cos of all that has happened. He said he has no money to get a new place. My mother is offering ti borrow us 100k to add to what I have, so we can move,my husband said no. That I am just being paranoid.
I am sad…and I am losing my mind. I cannot communicate with my husband. He does not seem to care or love me. I can think of what I have done for him to change so much and right now
I have begged him to tell me what changed him…he says he is fine…and that I should stop crying every time like a baby cos he is getting irritated by my constant crying.
Staying in this house and thinking of how I lost my baby after having those bad dreams,  I am having suicidal thoughts.
I want to leave my husband for a while…maybe that will help me find my strength and make sense of what is happening.  Right now,I don’t know what else to do. I need advice.
Photo Credit :iStock
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Help: I Do Not Understand My Husband Anymore-Its Driving Me Crazy
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. This is terrible, I feel your pain sweety. Please do not separate from your husband no matter what it is. You just have to learn to understand him and at the same time overlook his attitude. Gather moral biko and learn to be happy for yourself with or without your husband. Note that if you leave,the so called landlady will be happy that you have gone and if anything happens to your marriage you will be blamed for it. Keep working,gather money for another place to stay. Tell him he needs to leave that woman’s house and you also have to be prayerful that is,if you still love him oooo,keep praying for him to come back to his normal and real sense. Please try to make your marriage work, it is just to young to start having issues biko nne. It is well with you, marriage, marriage, marriage, how many times I call? I dey warn you oooo,stop giving people sleepless night.

  2. Thanks so much for sharing. What you are passing through is very normal in young relationships. Both of you are developing the rudiments of marital communication.
    For the miscarriage, I beg to differ with you and your mother. Your landlady is very innocent of your challenge. Miscarriage is very common. Don’t blackmail a woman who has done you much favour. Dreams are very subjective and is much influenced by our daily thoughts and imaginations. Believe in the efficacy of your prayers and pray aright. Conquer the fear induced in you by your mum.
    Your husband is just being the man he is. He cannot allow you and your mum to turn him around like an aeroplane. Respect him and try to understand his spoken and non spoken thoughts. Borrowing money from your mum to relocate for no justifiable reason but self induced fear is not proper. He is a man indeed. Kudos to him.
    Be calm . It will soon be over.

  3. I don’t know why most men will insensitive to some issues. You should separate from him for now so that you can heal properly from that issue. Your health is important


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