HomeAdviceI Need Honest Advise-How Do I Choose Between Two Lovers For Marriage?

I Need Honest Advise-How Do I Choose Between Two Lovers For Marriage?


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I Need Honest Advise-How Do I Choose Between Two Lovers For Marriage?

I have been a little afraid to share my story because of the backlash I know I might get from this platform. But I do know that I will get great perspective from the reactions so even though I am a bit scared, I want to plead with everyone to please take it easy on me.

My name is Frank (not real name). I am 35 years old. I was married from 2010 to 2015. My marriage broke up because my wife could not wait for God’s time for our children. So, yes, when we got married, we started trying to have a baby and it was not forth coming. We tried several tests until it was revealed that my wife has ovarian cyst which was preventing her from taking in.

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As a supportive husband, I tried to stand by her but she became very depressed soon as she got that news. Next thing, she revealed that her grandmother who is a prophetess actually revealed that I was not the one for her but she and her mother insisted on marrying me cos she did not believe the prophecy. According to her, if she married me, she would never find fulfillment.

So, even though, our inability to have a baby was not my fault, her grandmother’s prophecy was hanging over her head as a cloud. We quarreled alot. Sometimes, my folks were a bit worried too that we had no child yet but I didn’t tell them my wife was the one with the issue.

To be honest, I loved my wife so much, I was willing to adopt a child but she blatantly refused. And then, trouble started when she accused me of flirting other women just cos she was feeling insecure about her condition. I tried to put her mind at ease but it didn’t work. I got tired of fighting her and asked her what she wanted from me.

To my surprise, she said she wanted a divorce. I told her never. But she went ahead and filed a divorce. It took two years to finalize the divorce because I prayed and did everything in my power to try to change her mind. It was a bitter divorce. I felt pained and betrayed. I loved that woman with every inch of me.

Since then, I have been skeptical about getting married again. I started to date around 2017. It didnt work out until I met someone in 2019. She is nice and very eager for marriage but I wanted to be sure this would work. Along the line, in 2021, I also met someone else and I became very confused because I was in love as well.

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Yes, I know this is where the backlash would come. Yes, I am in love with two women.  I told myself, I need to make a choice but both women are amazing. So, I told myself, the first them to get pregnant for me would be my choice for marriage. I didn’t tell either of them although I suspected my second girlfriend knew I had someone else but she is not the nosey type so she does not bug me.

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As things would pan out, my second girlfriend got pregnant and I was ecstatic. I proposed to her and I thought  I had found my true one love. But as I tried to break up with the first lady, my heart could not take it. I finally realized that I wanted the first lady more than the second. So, I told my second girl that I made a mistake and I was in love with the first lady.

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This broke her and she cried so much. I told her I wanted to have a baby with her though and she said she was not going to keep the baby if I was not going to make her a wife. And she threatened to remove the baby. I told her to give me time to think about it. And she gave me till the end of the month to decide if I wanted to marry her or the first woman.

If I do not choose her at the end of the month, she would abort the pregnancy. A baby that I wanted for so long. Yet, if I chose her…my heart will always be with the first lady. And so, I am confused and need advise on what to do. Of course, my family wants me to choose the pregnant one but the one that is not pregnant is nicer, kinder, prettier, and more mature and understanding partner.

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So, I told the first lady what happened with the second lady. She said she would get pregnant if I wanted her to because she loves me and she will be happy to accept the other woman’s child as her own. You see how understanding she is!…I just pray she does not change like my first wife did cos women react to infertility in different ways. I don’t know.

So, I told the second lady that I cannot marry her but she should give me the baby to raise. She told me no and that I have until month end, else she will have an abortion.

So now, how do I convince her not have the abortion and give me the baby? Can I use police or sue her to court if she refuses to have the baby? I really love this baby she is carrying already but should I sacrifice my true love for this baby? If I do not marry her, she will abort this child and I may not be able to live with the fact that I made her to abort my baby…

Which of the two women should I stay with if you were in my shoes? I do not want a repeat of what happened in my first marriage too. I am so afraid of making a mistake the second time. I am a very emotional person. I feel so lost right now.

I crave your indulgence, don’t insult me…please advise me, honest answers please.. Thank you.


Photo Credit:pinkvilla


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I Need Honest Advise-How Do I Choose Between Two Lovers For Marriage?
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. I am certainly not going to judge you because I am not God.
    You have made a mistake and realised it and looking for a way forward.
    I would have said to marry the one carrying your child but if a woman can kill her own flesh and blood for a man…… That’s a big problem.

    The first lady seems nice and understanding but is she going to remain that way?
    The problem is you didn’t take time to look into this.

    My dear brother, hold on. Don’t take any step for now. Seek professional counsel and please pray about it. I understand your fear in losing your first child. Everything will be fine.

    I pray God guides you on what to do so you don’t make a fatal mistake.


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