HomeAdviceWhen You Know Your Marriage Is A Mistake-Please Advise Me

When You Know Your Marriage Is A Mistake-Please Advise Me


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When You Know Your Marriage Is A Mistake-Please Advise Me

I have been thinking that my marriage is a big mistake. I say that because, I have been telling myself for the past three years that we can work on our issues (my wife and me) that divorce is not an option because this is my second marriage.

However, I am mostly unhappy in my marriage and I have tried everything humanly possible to make things work but all to nothing. So, I was married to someone eight years ago. Then, she just graduated from school and we were young and very much in love. After six months of marriage, she got a dream job to work in an international oil firm in Dubai. The remuneration was very attractive and my wife eventually moved to Dubai.

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The distance I thought put a strain on our relationship but I found out that she was cheating and I have never felt any kind of pain that I felt from that betrayal. In less than two years, I was divorced. I was hurt and projected that hurt to the women that I tried to date after my divorce.

That was how I met Rebecca(not real name). We both work in the same office complex but she works for another corporate body. From meeting at lunch and elevators, we started having s8x for almost seven months. She loved me but  I was not ready to be tied down on a relationship so I told her she was free to leave if she wanted more.

Disappointed, she broke up with me but after one day of frustration at work, I showed up in her house and I just needed someone to be with me. From drinking we ended up having s8x. Because we were not really dating, I did not use protection and she claimed she forgot to use protection and she ended up being pregnant.

I was going to ask her to decide what to do with the baby cos I wanted to take responsibility if she decided to keep the baby. She had the baby. Our beautiful little princess was born and she looks every inch like me. I think she is one of my best decisions.

After three years, Rebecca got married to someone. I didn’t know how much I lost until she really married another man. I cut my losses and tried to move on. But when I met my wife, Daisy(not real name), I thought I was finally making the right decision. Daisy is a professor at a university and she inspires me with her achievements so far. What I did not bargain for was the fact that she was also going to be her own woman. Daisy is a feminist.

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So, marriage to her is not the typical perspective. She travels alot to give consultation and lectures. As a married man, I found myself almost alone in the marriage. I tried to focus on my job and my daughter with Rebecca who spends some weekends with me. It was during our daughter’s fifth birthday planning that things went happened.

Daisy decided to travel during my daughter’s birthday.  Anyway,  myself and Rebecca had the most amazing party for our daughter. After the party, my daughter was sick and we rushed her to the hospital. Her mother had to spend the night with her in the hospital. I couldn’t leave both of them alone, so I stayed too.

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While both of us were watching over our child, we started talking about why our relationship didn’t work out when we were together. We talked about our regrets and so many other things. Not knowing ur daughter was awake and hearing us.

It was at this point, my daughter started pleading with me and her mother to be together. I tried to explain to her that her mother is married and I am married but she cried and said she wants her parents to be together. The next day, my mind was still troubled and I called Rebecca to ask her if we could talk. She agreed.

My wife was still not back and soon as Rebecca walked in my door, I kissed her and she didn’t even resist. Rebecca and I made love. It was not planned but we realized we both still had feelings for each other. Again, Rebecca was not protected. I was not. We talked and talked and I asked her to return to me and I would return to her.

Rebecca told me that she would not like to betray her husband so I should give her time. We tried to avoid each other after that day cos it was obvious, we were thinking of each other. When my wife got back, I tried to focus on my marriage but she also was too occupied with work and so, we concentrated on our individual lives.

Exactly six weeks later, Rebecca called me that she is pregnant. And she knows its for me. Rebecca has been married for almost a two years, she said she has never missed her period one day. But after we met, she missed her period. That was when I realized this was the hand of God and thought to myself: I have made yet another mistake.

How do I tell my wife that my married ex is pregnant for me? I know our marriage is not perfect but this will break her heart. Rebecca too is confused on how to tell her husband. Maybe we should tell them both (my wife and Rebecca’s husband) together. That we are sorry but we made a mistake and we do not want to be married anymore to them? Either way, this is messed up.

I am completely sorry for the way things have panned out …I know though that coming back to Rebecca would make us and our daughter very happy. We need to take a decision quickly before Rebecca’s belly starts to show.

Please advise.




Photo Credit:iStock


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When You Know Your Marriage Is A Mistake-Please Advise Me
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Both of you should come back and get married,tell the other people involved what is going on because Rebecca will not abort the innocent baby because of them. The chemistry is still there,if you don’t get married now both of you will keep committing serious adultery. It is well oooo

  2. Hmm. God used ur first daughter as a connection for both of u.pls u guys should get married back and find ur happiness back

  3. This decision you’re about to make will so hurt your partners, hmm. But you both have to come clean as early as possible.


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