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My Lady Lover Was Just A Means To Survive But I Am Loosing My Freedom-Pls Advise


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My Lady Lover Was Just A Means To Survive But I Am Loosing My Freedom-Pls Advise

Dear Jzhane,

I need your counsel. My boss and I are involved in a relationship that has been going on for almost 4 years. It all started when I interviewed for the job of a School Administrator. I had been looking for a job for 5 years after university. But all the jobs I got were small teaching jobs which paid small monies. I was truly not satisfied cos I could barely pay my bills with my small Teacher salary.

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So when I heard about an opening for School administrator that would pay 70k, I went for the interview. The proprietress of the school, a divorcee took interest in me and asked me to see her for final interview two days later. I met with her in her office. She told me she wanted to hire me but she feels that I don’t have enough experience for the job.

Then she said she wants to give me a trial but I must prove to her that I really want the job. I told her I will do anything. She laughed and said are you sure, I said yes: and next thing, she unbuttoned her blouse and asked me to s*ck her breast…I looked at her in surprise but she smiled and said…young man…you are single right? I said yes ma…she then said…well, if you want this job, I can give it to you and I will change your life.

I needed the job badly, so I obliged her. We ended up having s8x in her office that day. Like she said, I got the job and all I had to do work late enough…I am usually the last to leave the school and I would go and f*ck her almost everyday. True to her words, I have benefitted from her. She gave me liberty to run the school…she gave me an official car, rented a bedroom apartment for me.

READ: I Think I Am Loosing My Mind Over This Thing Called Marriage-Conclusion

To me, we were both single and I somehow began to have feelings for her. She also fell in love with me. She introduced me to her family and her daughters who were boarding school. I was practically like family to them. A year later, she asked me if I ever think of marrying her. I told her I would like to but my mother would never agree to me marrying someone older than me.

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This made her sad cos she was in love with me. But she is 47 years old and I am 31. The age bracket is too much. And plus, I feel I will never be a man of my own if we marry. She practically gave me everything I have. So, two years after, I told her that we have to stop…that I want to focus on getting married …I got another job and I resigned.

When I resumed at my new job. I met a young lady and we started dating but I started having alot of changes with the new school I got a job from. They were not paying salaries on time. School business is always like that. I could not cope after 6 months. This lady I was dating, even though she seemed like she loved me too but she was not keen that I was having financial challenges, she told me that if I was not ready to settle down, that there will be no need.

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We then broke up. I struggled in my job, with financial difficulties especially during the pandemic that many schools could not pay salaries. I had no choice but to go back to my former boss/lover. She had gotten someone else to take my former job but she took me back as school director …of course, I resumed my f*cking duties as well.

When I came back, I noticed a young youth corper had been employed in the school. She was dark and slender and very pretty. It was love at first sight but knowing my situation, I left any thoughts to pursue her alone. But fate would have her become friends with me. I found out she was also a niece to my boss.

Clearly this young lady had eyes for me. I did everything to avoid her. She noticed it and confronted me. She said that she noticed I was avoiding her. I told her yes cos I was in a relationship. she did not believe me. She said everyone knows I am single. I wish I could tell her but I just laughed and started to run away from her even more.

Until somehow, she tracked my house and showed up at my doorstep one evening. I was surprised but she was determined. While I tried to be as professional as possible, she was ready for something more. I told her my relationship status was complicated and she said she does not mind.

This girl wanted me not minding that I told her the issue. We ended up having s8x that day and it became a regular. I am finding it hard to keep up with both women in my life. I fear one of them will soon find out about each other and I might loose my job. I really need this job …its hard to get a good paying job in my sector these days.

I need your advise. The youth corper and I are very cool. I like her alot. She even used to joke about my invincible side chick that she has never met. She does not pry into my situation but I feel like, we are getting tighter and tighter…things might change. My boss has noticed that I have a closeness to her niece…she asked me and I lied.

I fear of what might happen in the near future. It easy to say leave the job but I have no where to turn to. I feel trapped. My biggest problem is that this girl not knowing what I have with her Aunty-my boss, went to tell her that she is in love with me…that she even got pregnant for me but knowing that I had a side chick, she wants to abort the pregnancy.

My boss called me and that is how I got exposed. She told me to end everything with the niece or get fired.  Even though I loved the niece so much, I had to break up with her over a text.  This girl had been calling me since…refused to pick. She then sends a message that she is pregnant. I already know that,…but I blocked her line. She came to my place but I made sure I was not around for weeks.

Eventually she cornered me in school and tried to make a scene. I had to agree to meet her to discuss this weekend. Now what am I going to tell her? Boss lady said I should just tell her its over…that she should get rid of the pregnancy or I should deny it…I feel like a horrible person…I feel like I am getting more and more into a ditch.

(I wish I can just disappear from the situation but that would mean, I may return to my village in shame. City life is hard. How many jobs are there for a graduate of philosophy? The time is just not right. Please dont judge me…if only you are in my shoes).

I feel terribly guilty and sad but God knows my heart…I have no other source of livelihood and I cannot jeopardize this job right now….that was when this thought came to me: what if I reveal my relationship with her Aunty to this girl…and then tell her to threaten to expose her aunty if she forces us to break up? Will that work? Or will that put me in more trouble?

I have an innocent baby in this crossfire and I don’t even have the courage to man up and take responsibility like a man cos of my financial situation. I need your candid counsel please…


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My Lady Lover Was Just A Means To Survive But I Am Loosing My Freedom-Pls Advise
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. I must say bro, your greediness led you to this. That Lady must not do abortion. SHE MUST NOT DO IT. Bro, you need help. GOD bless you

  2. Just imagine the rubbish you are saying and you are there saying we shouldn’t judge you abi,why didn’t you think of all these or put all these in place before having unprotected sex with your boss’s niece. You didn’t consider your job and many other things,now you are in the middle of a big mess. How will you take care of the unborn child? You better get another job and leave that place,get an apartment you can afford, return the car if you still have any,be a man,face your fears and stop saying where will a graduate of philosophy get a job or a well paying job. Leave a divorcee alone,stop these greediness and get another job. You are very promiscuous, weak and not courageous to say capital NO to some rubbish,all in the name of living like a big boy on another woman’s sweat. Repent and stop this reckless life.

  3. Tell her not to abort. Let her resign, rent a house for her in an area far from your present abode, leave your madam gradually. Do not be rash nor show her that you’re leaving! She’s deadly! Use your head wisely!

  4. Sometimes when people are desperate they do things that they later regret, my advise to you is that, you stay with the niece and leave the lady boss, you are not the only one she has done this to. Her reckless behavior probably led to her husband leaving. Do what is right, tell her the truth, and stay with the niece. Trust God and He will provide for you and the niece.

  5. Bro if u truly love her go for her n explain d situation on ground to her,make her understand all ur mistakes I believe she will understand u! Guy live d boss lady u will cop within a period of time

  6. You should leave the job and settle with the niece and the unborn child. God will provide for the family


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