Is This Juju Or Addiction-Help, I Am Stuck With An Unwilling Ex
Please hide my ID. I am broken and need advise and help on how to find myself again. I say find myself because I feel like I have lost myself inside a marriage that did not work out. Seven years ago, I was introduced to my husband by a very good friend.
I did not know my husband before then but I have been praying to God for a life partner and when I met my husband, I was blown away by his looks. I mean, our relationship was beautiful and romantic. I felt God has rewarded me for my years of celibacy cos my husband was everything I prayed for…or so I thought.
We got married after one year of dating and I got pregnant with my daughter. It was during my pregnancy that I started noticing that my husband was not who I thought he was. He started messing around with our house girls and when I found out, I was distraught. He was very sorry. He said it was because I was pregnant, that he did not want to disturb me for s8x during pregnancy.
Even though I was heartbroken, I forgave him cos he is my husband and I would not want cheating to separate us. But he did not change. Infact, my eyes opened to the fact that he was cheating with almost every lady around us. I had a hard time reconciling how such a sweet man would be doing this.
We quarreled alot and he started to distance himself from me due to that. He said I was nagging too much. That he was being nice to me but I am making the home unbearable for him. I cried almost everyday. Then I got pregnant with our son after 3 years. My husband still kept on cheating.
Well, at the fifth year of our marriage, he jus stopped coming home. He moved out of our home and I found out that he was staying with one of his lovers. I prayed and prayed and fasted and fasted…my husband sent a divorce notice 7 months later. I begged and begged him but he said he does not want to be married anymore. That he is not in love with me.
With shame, I became a divorcee. That has been like since two years ago. My husband has another family now. But he still is a good dad to my two children. He visis and sends money for their upkeep. It was from those visits, that we started to sleep with each other again.
I know…you may ask, how can I allow him into my life after all that he did to me. Ma, I love him. I do not think I can love any other man in my life again. I have tried to date other men cos I am quite attractive but no man has my heart like my ex husband.
So, I am having a s*xual affair with my ex husband. His wife is not aware or maybe she is…I don’t know. Maybe I am hoping the s8x can bring us back together but each time, after s8x…my ex husband will tell me that we are never ever getting back together.
This makes me feel used but I cannot get him out of my heart. I do not know what to do. I don’t know if I can ever get over my ex. As I speak, I may be pregnant for him. Infact, when I told I suspect I am pregnant…he said…good for you…do whatever you like. I man, he makes it clear he does not want a love relationship with me…just s8x…and that is my problem.
Should I be content with just s8x with my ex? Will that make him change his mind later? If not…how do I untangle myself from his hold. Its like I am addicted to him. I even dated someone for three months this year but soon as he leaves…my ex comes and f*cks me and I cannot help it. Maybe because I keep begging him…but I swear ma…I cannot help it.
I know this is not right yet I feel powerless to do anything about it. In my head…he is still mine even if he says he does not want me…I mean…why then does he love having s8x with me? That should count for something right? I just feel sad after he leaves me to be with his family every time. I have sometimes thought about killing his wife…maybe he will return to me…that is not me…I swear…I am loosing my mind.
My family is not aware cos I am hiding this …they are so upset with him but I am completely helpless. My family may think I am under a spell cos I think I may be…or is this because my ex is my soul mate? Yes, he says he is not in love with me but he is nice to me…he is very good for me…why cant he want me? What did I do?
What did I do wrong to be so messed up? I feel used and I have low self esteem because of the way my ex is treating me yet I am still begging him for s8x every time and he obliges me and still leaves me….am I doomed? Is this juju? Please advise me…I want to be able to leave him for the way he is treating me like trash but I have not been able to do that cos I am so addicted to him.
I need spiritual and psychological help to break free…many times I have begged my ex to tell me what I can do to change his mind…I don’t mind being a second (abi remain first wife…he says no…he does not want to be married to me again. I have suffered )what can I do?.
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