They Called Us Home-Wreckers While They Defended My Molester-Pls Advise
My name is Blessing (not real name sha). I am 27 years old and in love with the best man in the world. I am however afraid because of something I found out. I found out that my boyfriend of over a year is related to someone who destroyed my life and now, I don’t know if there is future with us anymore.
I grew up in a broken home. My father left my mother and never cared about me or my siblings. My mother was having a hard time and I was a very troubled kid. Now, I now I was rebelling because I felt angry that my father left us.
I got into alot of fights and trouble as a young girl. I was only 14 but I was stubborn, fought in school, got suspended many times and my mother used to beat me and then I began to fight her back. My mother then went to a family friend to ask for his help with me.
That family friend was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. This man pretended to be advising me to my mother but he was doing terrible things to me. Like I said, I was just 14. My mother felt I needed a father figure in my life,so when she could not handle me,she went to meet this man, who was like a family friend to us to advise me.
So, this man would send for me anytime I got into trouble and would be pretending to talk sense into me but he was telling me how such a beautiful girl lie me deserves to be loved by someone who cares deeply for her. And like I said, I was seeking for the love of a father that I never had…so when he began to profess his love for me, I thought he was being good to me.
This man, started to abuse me s8xually for many years. He would tell me many lovely things,tell me I am beautiful, he would give me money and he would tell me to always come to him anytime I feel I need help. I went to him willingly from the age of 14 to 16…he was having s8x with me and my mother never knew.
I managed not to get pregnant because after s8x, he would make sure I drank the pill immediately. That went on for two years until one day, I got back from school early. I was sent home because I did not buy a particular text book. I got home and found my mother and this family friend f*cking each other.
I screamed and cried. The man quickly gathered himself and my mother started cursing me for coming into the room without knocking, we lived in a one room apartment. I ran away outside until evening. When I came back, my mother was ready with a cane to beat me cos she was still angry with me.
It was when she wanted to beat me that I told her that this man has been sleeping with me for two years. My mother fell to the ground and started crying. She blamed herself for everything. She began to ask for my forgiveness. Then the next day, she told me to pack my things and go and live with my father’s sister in Lagos.
Of course, I did not want to leave. I felt she was punishing me for finding out I was sharing her lover with her. But she said if I don’t leave, I should pack out of her house. That is how I came to Lagos and started living with my Aunt. My aunt was kind to me even though she used me as house girl for years.
My Aunt and her husband who are ministers of God took me in, mentored me and I gave my life to God. Things became different. I went to a good school and I received care and protection. Me and my dad even reconciled but I never told anyone what happened between me and my mother.
I went to University of Ghana and graduated with a degree in Pharmacy. That was where I met my boyfriend. He runs a chain of pharmaceutical stores in Ghana. We bonded when we discovered we were from the same town back in Nigeria. He used to talk a lot about his family…they seemed like very nice people. I have spoken to the parents on phone several times.
I graduated last year and I remained in Ghana where we got engaged. So, this year, we planned to go see his parents and mine in Nigeria in April this year. It was when we met his mother and we got talking, they asked about my upbringing and all. I then found out that my fiance’s father is a brother to the same man that abused me for many years.
This was a bad dream for me. Very bad dream. I was so shaken that I fell ill. We had to return to the hotel so I can rest. I could not sleep that night. I battled and fought the urge to tell my fiancé what had just happened. I couldn’t anymore and then I woke him up and told him.
My fiancé was in disbelief. He was like why didn’t I tell him all these years. I told him I have never told anyone in my life about that terrible time of my life. He was so shocked and he said he was going to confront his Uncle. I told him not to worry cos I don’t want to relive that bad time of my life. I begged him to keep the secret and not tell anyone. He agreed.
So,we came back to Lagos and met my Auntie and my dad who also gave their blessings. The wedding is supposed to be in August this year. But since we returned to Ghana,my fiancé started to act funny. Few weeks after we returned, I sensed he was being distant and I asked him was the matter. He kept saying nothing. I suspected it had something to do with what I told him about his Uncle.
And I confronted him if that was the issue, he said yes. For some reason, my fiance betrayed me and revealed the secret to his Mother. His mother told his father and that is how the mother said that we cannot get married because they remembered that Uncle had an affair with a woman and that woman was my mother. That the uncle’s wife almost died because of that woman who was my mother.
Now, that they feel if the uncle’s wife finds out that their son is not only marrying the daughter of the woman that almost broke her marriage but also slept with her husband, that she will be crushed again. They are worried about what their family and their cousins would think if they found out about me marrying their son…
First of all…I was so disappointed my fiancée told his parents. Now his parents are calling me and my mother home breakers. They even said we used jazz on their Uncle cos he lost his mind when he was with my mother. They do not see that their uncle destroyed my life. That was so hurtful, they opened those wounds from my past…
I broke up with my fiancé. I was so hurt and did not want to see him again. He also did not talk to me for two weeks. But he came back saying he has thought about everything and feels he cannot do without me and wants me to forgive him so we can move on with my life.
My fiancé has been begging me but I do not know how to forgive him and his parents. I can actually forgive him but how do I see his parents after this? I mean, they now know the darkest secret of my life …not even my Auntie knows. I am not sure I can have a normal relationship with my Fiancé’s parents after what they said about me and my mother.
Yes, I do not visit my mother for many years but we talk sometimes on the phone …she may have made mistakes which am not sure I can totally forgive but for the man I want to marry to allow his family to see me as a slot instead of a victim of s8xual abuse is something I am not sure I can live with.
I love my fiancé so much. He is like I said the sweetest man but I do not know if I can ever have a peaceful marriage life with him and his family for what they know. I wish I never told my fiancé cos my mother actually warned me never to tell anyone cos she feared something like this might happen.
Yes, I know its crazy to know that mother and daughter slept with same man but I was a minor…I was a victim…the adults who were supposed to protect me…abused me…how do I even consider making this union with my fiancé work…will my dark past always hang over my head that a terrible shadow of dark clouds? Please advise me.
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