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Should I Confess Or Lie To My Fiancé? My Secret Is Eating Me Up-Pls Advise


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Should I Confess Or Lie To My Fiancé? My Secret Is Eating Me Up-Pls Advise

You see this life is full of ups and downs. I have found my own share of ups and downs…I am in a dilemma. I am battling within myself on what to do. I need your advice cos its eating me up. I am what you call a typical good girl. I was raised by religious parents, from a good home.

Throughout my growing up, I was determined to live by the standards I was raised by. I kept myself as a virgin even when the pressure was much. I dated my first boyfriend in my final year in school but broke up when all he wanted was s8x in the end. I met my current boyfriend two years later, after youth service.

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Kola (not real name) is a sweet man. I love him so much. He is also a godly man and we have been together for almost two years now. Kola respects my will to remain a virgin until we get married which was supposed to be last year but he lost his job during the pandemic, so we decided to wait a little bit for him to be a bit stable before we get married.

In April this year, I got a job, to come and furnish a a new hotel. I am an interior designer. The job was from a friend’s brother whom I have known for years. Let us call him Tunde. Tunde got me this big contract and gave it to me but told me that I must promise to give him his own cut. I agreed. The contract is like the biggest I have ever done actually.

I went into work mode and brought in my team to carry out the job. Every time I kept thanking Tunde for the contract. I even made Kola my fiancé thank him for me. Then one day, Tunde called me. he was very angry. He was shouting, saying that we messed up the job. Apparently, the hotel owner discovered that one of the supplies we made was below standard and was not happy about it.

Tunde threatened to pull me off the contract and I started to beg him. He said I must correct the mistake and make it up to him. I agreed. I quickly went to correct the mistake. Tunde then called me to see him for a meeting to discuss. The meeting was in the hotel pent house. I got there and waited for him cos he was on a zoom call for several minutes.

After he finished, he started talking to me, saying, Esther, you fall my hand, how could you do this to me, after all I did for you. You know how hard I fought for you to get the contract, he was just talking and I kept apologizing to him. He then said, you must make it up to me, I told him I have corrected the mistake…he said he knows that I must make it up to him and give him his cut as I promised.

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I told him he will get his cut after we finished the job. Well, Tunde laughed and said he is in the mood to collect the job now and right there, I was still trying to understand what he meant and the next thing, Tunde came to me and tried to kiss me. From begging him and laughing with him, I became serious and told him to stop.

He was like, come on Esther, you know I like you, why else will I give you a 12 Million contract? I was like…no, this cant be…sorry am engaged and he was like…fuck that looser…I will take care of you better than that jobless fool you call a boyfriend. I thought we were still talking but Tunde meant business, he pinned me down and began to kiss and caress me.

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By now, I was frantic …I have never been in this condition before…I tried to fight but Tunde is a much bigger and stronger man….I never suspected he could do this… I have been friends with his sister for over 9 nines years. I trusted him even though we all knew he was a womanizer but never did I know he had eyes for me.

Before I knew it, Tunde had overpowered me and started to push himself on me. I was hurting and very scared. Tunde forced himself on me…he was shocked I was still a virgin…infact, it excited him so much to discover that. He rode on me so hard, I was bruised and blooded. It was horrible. I got disvirgined by Tunde.

The fool and wicked Tunde realized what he has done …he asked me to marry him instantly. That he has never been with a virgin before. I was crying and all I wanted to do was leave. He started to apologize saying he didn’t realize ….that he thought I was just playing hard to get. He transferred 500k to me asked me to forgive him.

I don’t know how I managed to get home that day but I was so sad that I did not know how to tell Kola…I faked illness and avoided Kola. I was so sad….but Tunde kept sending me messages of love and all that craziness. I ignored him. I could not even tell anyone…cos I felt so bad to have lost my V before marriage…something I prided myself in for all my life.

After a week, I read that the first attempt at s8x does not always mean the cervix is open completely, and so I decided to forget what happened and focus on my relationship. But I made a mistake by not blocking Tunde no on my phone…well, I did not cos we are still business partners right?

That was my mistake …cos Tunde never stopped sending me messages of love and talking rubbish about the ‘time’ we spent together. That was how, Kola was holding my phone while I was in the shower when he came to visit. I never hid my phone from Kola before …he also does not hide his phone. So, when my phone kept buzzing with test messages, he read the test thinking it was urgent.

Now, Kola read all the messages from Tunde and when I got out of the shower, Kola looked at me like he saw a ghost. He just asked me: Esther, what did you do with Tunde? I looked at him, realizing what has happened…I broke down and began to cry and tried to tell him what happened. But Kola did not believe me. He said why did I go to Tunde’s pent house? why did I not tell him almost one week after.

All my explanation to Kola did not make sense. He faulted me and blamed me for loosing my virginity to a playboy after he has been good to me and been waiting for our wedding night to take what is his but I gave it out to a playboy. That he was betrayed and heartbroken. Kola left in anger.

For days…I cried and begged him. But I was also angry cos he did not believe me. Kola broke up with me and said there was nothing to look forward to, cos I had given myself to someone else and taken away ur wedding night gift and given to another man. I was so hurt…I even thought of committing suicide.

After much begging and keeping malice with me for almost a month later, Kola came back and accepted me back. He told me he could not do without me and wants us to get back together. All that happened to me, I never noticed I did not see my period. It was after I reconciled with Kola that I noticed. I quickly got a pregnancy test kit and it was positive.

Now, I am dead…what am I going to do? Losing my virginity before marriage was bad….I been praying to God to forgive me….but getting pregnant for the man who forced himself on me is worse…I am dead…how do I explain this? I took morning pills after the incident with Tunde…why me…why God?

I am so scared…how do I tell Kola…this he surely cannot forgive…we will be broken up for ever…and I am totally against abortion cos that is murder from the way my parents raised me. I was so scared I did not know what to do…the only idea that came to me was to seduce Kola and sleep with him…so I can claim the pregnancy is his.

Yes I knw that is a lie but I had no choice…I invited Kola,told him I wanted to make it up to him…for letting another man take what is rightfully his…I seduced him…pushed him to have s8x with me…he kept asking…are you sure…are you ok?…I said yes…funny, it was still painful when Kola tried to penetrate me.

I kept crying quietly when I remember how Tunde took my V…and now, Kola…the man I love making love to me…before marriage…against all my moral upbringing…just so I can pin the pregnancy on him….what would God think of me…what would my parents think of me…I am lost for words…I am in pain…in pain of this secret of mine…

How will I do this to Kola? A man who only loved me and forgave me…do you think he will forgive me still if I told him the truth? Or should I go on with my plan and tell him the baby is his? You see my dilemma…this is not how I envisioned my life…I am so unhappy…

Or should I give up the lie, tell Kola…if he does not accept me, should I accept Tunde’s marriage proposal? Tunde told his sister about us, telling her to beg me to marry him. She has been begging me…that his brother is in love with me…that she has never seen him so serious about a woman…that I could be the one to change him. (Tunde and his sister are  not aware of the pregnancy though)

I need your advise ma.


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Photo Credit:potentash

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. I don’t know why I was suddenly getting angry reading this.

    You made a mistake first by keeping everything from your current boyfriend but after he forgave you, is this how you repay him? I know you were raped before and I’m sorry about that cuz I know how it hurts but seducing him (breaks trust having sex before marriage) and trying to pin the pregnancy on him is just evil.
    Kola has been nothing but good to you. If you have ever loved him at all, better confess to him right away. Do not completely break that guy because he’ll find out someday and he’ll hate ladies and it’ll be your fault.
    A marriage built on lies will not stand.
    Do not, I respeat, do not make that guy raise another man’s child believing it’s his.
    Tell him and take time to heal. I won’t advice you to marry Tunde. If he can do this to you, he’ll be much worse in future. He doesn’t love you.

  2. Go ahead and tell kola about the pregnancy. If he forgives you, good and if not, you can’t kill yourself. Just take time and heal and move on with your life. I believe that better things are always ahead.
    Don’t make the mistake of accepting that rapist. He is only interested in your body, if not, he would have stopped when he discovered you were a v.

  3. Come out with the truth and tell Kola and the rapist about the pregnancy with the mind that you might lose Kola forever.
    It’s not the end of the world though.
    For the rapist, you should have reported at a police station and the hospital so that evidence would have been gotten. He should pay for his crimes!
    I wish you well my sister but tell the truth and live your life without regrets. Whatever happened to you wasn’t your fault. No one has the right to another person’s body.
    Live your life happily and take care of the baby growing inside of you.
    You’re blessed.
    The truth will set you free.

  4. Hello Sister. The first mistake is, why would you visit a man that’s not your husband in a hotel room…why.

    You MUST tell Kola of the pregnancy, you MUST tell him just as everyone commented before me said. You also must tell Tunde’s Sister of of the rape and pregnancy.

    You shouldn’t have has sex with Kola, ebeb though you were raped, it wasn’t your fault you were raped, Tunde only took advantage of you, so you shouldn’t have had sex with Kola knowing you are a woman of standard, but its done already, we learn always.

    PLS TELL KOLA OF THE PREGNANCY, and tell Tunde’s sister of the rape and pregnancy. GOD bless you sister, you will be fine. I am Akin

  5. In all your doing, don’t marry Tunde. A goat is a goat.

    Confess to Kola and both of you agree on what to do.

    Aborting a pregnancy that came via rape isn’t all that bad.

  6. Why didn’t you report to the police let that beast pay?? What if he comes at you again or refuse to give you your remaining balance till he sleeps with you?? Kai I’m so angry right now… Because of the contract or what??

    Anyway, in all your doing, don’t even consider that beast of a guy. Like the others said, let your fiance know everything and accept whatever decision he takes. My prayers are with you.

  7. You must confess to kola even if he leaves you God will see your sincerity and give you a better man but don’t ever Mary Tunde because a beast will always be a beast.

  8. Tell kola the truth about d whole story ,let tunde sister know DAT you pregnant for her brother! Is better u get married to tunde n let kola better.. Wishing u the best sis

  9. Y did you do that, what if it was HIV that you had not pregnancy that how you will give kola that deadly virus ….Release yourself and say the truth dont ever agree for tunde oo that one is a bloody rapist oo that kind of person can rape their children oo

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