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I Thought I Knew Everything About My Husband Until This Shocking Revelation

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I Thought I Knew Everything About My Husband Until This Shocking Revelation

Good day house,

For some people,my issue may not be a big deal but for me, it is. I am in a complete state of shock and distrust for my husband right now.No, he did not cheat on me with a woman but he cheated on me by lying to me. My husband and I dated for two years before marriage. During courtship, we discussed everything from communication to s8x to children to finances to blood group to family ,etc.

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One particular area we discussed also was finance and next of kin matters. My husband has a series of businesses while I work in an office. We agreed we will both keep our separate accounts when we got married but also keep a joint account for family projects. We got married about a year ago.

Now, soon as we got married, I changed on my next of kin documents from my mother to my husband. I expected my husband to do the same. For some reason, we were having a discussion about three months ago and I found out that my husband still has his elder brother as his next of kin.

As expected, I asked him why he has not changed it when he knows I have changed mine. He gave a flimsy excuse of not having time to do so. I then asked him to try and do so by month end. By month end, he didnt do it. I was  not happy and told him he is not taking this serious.

The next thing he blurted out was: why am I so interested in being his next of kin? That he has received counsel from his lawyers and brothers that a wife should not be next of kin and that once we start having children, the children will be his next of kin. For me, the lack of trust from my husband…the ideology behind this thinking is making me feel somehow. I feel like he does not trust me and why should I trust him.

Yes, we have a joint account together but I realize I know nothing of his earnings yet I tell all about mine. He has no financial transparency with me. By God’s grace, we are expecting to have our children but I asked him what if we don’t have children, what happens to me? He says then our joint account should sustain me…

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I don’t know how to explain this but this part of my husband makes me feel I never really knew him…that he could be influenced by his brothers who do not regard their own wives or that he could not trust me well enough with his finances is just heartbreaking. When I talk about it,he says its women who are expecting their husband to die or want to kill their husband that should be pushing to be next of kin.

I have left the matter but its affecting me seriously. I feel hurt and betrayed and its making me think, what else is this man hiding from me…if he cannot trust me or value me enough with his finances,what kind of love does he really have for me? I think our marriage was a mistake and maybe I should better pack up before babies start coming…this is not my idea of marriage.

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I grew up in a loving marriage…my parents are married over 38 years. They never keep any secret from each other…not even finances. Even when my mother was carrying the home for over 15 years, my parents told each other what they got as income for many years. Even us their children, we knew that our mother was our dad’s next of kin. That is the kind of marriage I want…not the type I am experiencing and I am scared of what the future holds if I remain.

Please advise me…is this not a serious red flag from my husband or am I over reacting?

Anonymous

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I Thought I Knew Everything About My Husband Until This Shocking Revelation
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

7 COMMENTS

  1. Hmm.there is something ur hubby is hiding From u! Is better u don’t give him 100% trust as u did b4 ,ur marriage is too young for untrusting issues

  2. Trust me, this isn’t all about what you’re yet to know about your husband. Better change your next of kin from him ASAP. Still you don’t have to quit your marriage on this issue. Things can still change on the altar of prayers. Talk to him in love do not nag hum about this topic again. Believe God for the best. Shalom!

  3. I think your idea of a marriage is not the same as your husband’s and I am sure he just played along all the while you were dating, which is very normal. A guy will agree to everything when he wants something but he will still bring out his true self.
    Also you must understand that you both don’t have the same up-bringing so you don’t expect him to believe in your ideology of a perfect marriage.
    Thank God he is showing you what he actually believes and this is his real self. You either take him the way he is or keep hurting yourself because your husband is not bother by these things.
    My point of view is this. Don’t stress your mind over this issue, accept that your children will be your next of kin, also make changes to yours.
    Plus keep your marriage and make it work. I am sure that loving marriage you envy from your parents didn’t come on bed of roses, they both made sacrifices. You need to make that sacrifice now for your family to work.
    Don’t be bitter towards your husband don’t allow the enemy into your home. Remember he has other counsellors outside that will want to take advantage of this situation, be wise!!!!
    May God help you!!!

  4. Just start building a financial life that can sustain you without your husband incase of any occurrences which we dont pray for cause with mindsets, brothers and lawyers like that you don’t know how things might play, have your own…. Thats to your own knowledge alone and dont let your husband or his family in on it. and remove him as your next of kin, keep your marriage but be wise

  5. Dear sister, pls be careful of taking wrong advises from this platform. Some people here give wrong advises sometimes. So pls be careful, what I will say is, you cant blame your hubby, I’m sure you know wives connive with lawyers to kill husbands, it is rampant, so he may be playing safe, since he hasnt changed his own, you to shouldn’t change yours, discuss with him to sort it out. Lastly, my dear sister, don’t ever trust anyone, even your hubby, human beings are very deceitful and greedy, so be happy cos you have the power to be happy, your happiness should not come from your husband or anything but choose to be happy cos its the right thing to do. GOD bless you sister. I am Akin

  6. Any red flag should be enough reason to rethink your decision. By the time you’re second guessing something, God is trying to warn you. Never ignore your instincts no matter what. Even if he claims that his kids will be next of kin, trust me,it may not be so. He may have said it to shut you up same way he agreed on something’s before marriage but now he’s not. As my brother said, get inner peace from within and not from fellow human beings. Henceforth,even a promotion should be news to you and your family. He doesn’t need to know everything especially finances. Your contribution in the joint account should reduce too ooh. I know of a woman whos spouse cleared their joint accounts including her own savings account, sold off all her properties,assets,shares etc. He forged the woman’s death certificate because she’d put him as her next of kin. The heart of man cannot be trusted one bit. People are walking around in sheep’s clothing and you can’t tell who is who among the flock. All the best

  7. Why are you stressing about his finances? Do you want to kill the man that you’re so anxious of him changing his next of kin to you? He never persuaded you to change your next of kin to his name so don’t push him. His not your parents do don’t compare your parents marriage to him. Leave the young man alone and focus on other things. You just got married and your already talking of changing his next of kin to your name. After that what’s next?

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