I Thought I Knew Everything About My Husband Until This Shocking Revelation
Good day house,
For some people,my issue may not be a big deal but for me, it is. I am in a complete state of shock and distrust for my husband right now.No, he did not cheat on me with a woman but he cheated on me by lying to me. My husband and I dated for two years before marriage. During courtship, we discussed everything from communication to s8x to children to finances to blood group to family ,etc.
One particular area we discussed also was finance and next of kin matters. My husband has a series of businesses while I work in an office. We agreed we will both keep our separate accounts when we got married but also keep a joint account for family projects. We got married about a year ago.
Now, soon as we got married, I changed on my next of kin documents from my mother to my husband. I expected my husband to do the same. For some reason, we were having a discussion about three months ago and I found out that my husband still has his elder brother as his next of kin.
As expected, I asked him why he has not changed it when he knows I have changed mine. He gave a flimsy excuse of not having time to do so. I then asked him to try and do so by month end. By month end, he didnt do it. I was not happy and told him he is not taking this serious.
The next thing he blurted out was: why am I so interested in being his next of kin? That he has received counsel from his lawyers and brothers that a wife should not be next of kin and that once we start having children, the children will be his next of kin. For me, the lack of trust from my husband…the ideology behind this thinking is making me feel somehow. I feel like he does not trust me and why should I trust him.
Yes, we have a joint account together but I realize I know nothing of his earnings yet I tell all about mine. He has no financial transparency with me. By God’s grace, we are expecting to have our children but I asked him what if we don’t have children, what happens to me? He says then our joint account should sustain me…
I don’t know how to explain this but this part of my husband makes me feel I never really knew him…that he could be influenced by his brothers who do not regard their own wives or that he could not trust me well enough with his finances is just heartbreaking. When I talk about it,he says its women who are expecting their husband to die or want to kill their husband that should be pushing to be next of kin.
I have left the matter but its affecting me seriously. I feel hurt and betrayed and its making me think, what else is this man hiding from me…if he cannot trust me or value me enough with his finances,what kind of love does he really have for me? I think our marriage was a mistake and maybe I should better pack up before babies start coming…this is not my idea of marriage.
I grew up in a loving marriage…my parents are married over 38 years. They never keep any secret from each other…not even finances. Even when my mother was carrying the home for over 15 years, my parents told each other what they got as income for many years. Even us their children, we knew that our mother was our dad’s next of kin. That is the kind of marriage I want…not the type I am experiencing and I am scared of what the future holds if I remain.
Please advise me…is this not a serious red flag from my husband or am I over reacting?
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