HomeAdviceHow My Marriages Crumbled & I Have Lost Almost Everything-Please Advise

How My Marriages Crumbled & I Have Lost Almost Everything-Please Advise

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How My Marriages Crumbled & I Have Lost Almost Everything-Please Advise

Please ma, pardon the mistakes in my write up, I am not writing this with my clear eyes. I just need help because I feel like I have lost everything and the world is laughing at me now. So, my name is James (not real name). I am 52 years old from Anambra state (not real state). I was a motor-boy when I first came in Lagos almost 34 years ago.

From there, I got my own bus and became a danfo driver for several years. I married my first wife who was a petty trader. Things were difficult for us but I used to encourage her to support me so that both of us can hustle and change our destiny. Unfortunately, my wife started to go after men and that continued in our marriage for almost 10 years.

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My wife packed out of our house with two of my children after 14 years of marriage. she told them that bad luck is following me. I did everything in my power to beg her but she went and married another man. My children followed her but later, she brought them to me, finally I sent them to the village cos I could not take care of them by myself.

Like four years later, my family convinced me to remarry, they helped me get a young woman from the village. I did not want city women cos their eyes too sharp and they like money too much. By this time, I am already having my own shop in Idumota where I sell materials. By the grace of God, things are changing for me small small.

So I married this girl and left her in the village for two years. I used to go and visit her every month. I did not want her to come and be spoiled in Lagos. I send her money every two weeks, sometimes, 6k, sometimes 10k or even 20k as money enter my hand you know.

After a while, she started to complain that I left her in the village…now she has a baby girl for me. She said she is missing me and after I considered her good behavior and brought her t come and stay in Lagos. I told her she must not work, so she stay at home. Since our marriage we been married for almost 9 years, my wife is full time house wife and everything is moving fine.

The only problem started last year. You know that time that they lock down and I was at home for sometime, I used to notice how my wife used to talk back at me any small thing. I cautioned her and she behave herself sometimes. I became worse, any time I caution her, she raise her voice at me and speak back at me with no respect.

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Then I started warning her that if she disrespect me, that I will have no choice but to send her back to her parents. This woman has three children for me plus my two sons from my first marriage. Now, I have started to hear rumors that she is sleeping with so many people in our area once I go to work.

They mention that she is sleeping with one of our neighbor that have SUV. And not only that, that she is sleeping with one church member that used to give big money in our church. To be honest, I never seen her because most times I am not around but I told her what I am hearing cos I was in shock that such a woman whom I trusted so much will do this.

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After all I have done for her? She came from village with nothing…she lives in our two bedroom apartment…I give her money to take care of the children and our home but she always complain its not enough…so what do I do again?

The phone I bought for her, she is always on the phone and I had no option but report her to her parents. Her father called her to see him in the village but she refused. Now, our problem moved from just her talking rudely to me to her abusing me in front of my children sometimes.

For the first time in my life, I got so annoyed that I beat her because this woman is just 33 years old for goodness sake. Before I got back from work the next day,she has packed her things and left the children alone. Her number switched off. I panicked and called her people. Everybody was looking for her. I went to police to make statement.

Later her family told me she called them that I beat her and so she is no longer marrying me. I begged and begged but the family said she is no longer interested. Her family did not support her but they cannot force her either. Since last year my wife did not care, just move out and never came back.

It was last three months that another neighbor called me and told me that do I know that my wife sneaks into our compound at night to sleep with that our neighbor with SUV?

So, I told him to tell me the next time she sneaks in. Just two days after, my wife sneak into the compound and went straight to the neighbor apartment. The neighbor is a a divorcee…as I knocked on his door that night…he opened a little, I pushed the door with all my power and caught my wife lying on his parlor chair naked.

I almost killed her and her lover that night if not for neighbors intervention. You see, I am tired. I love my wife so much, she used to care about me…I did not know that she can change like this…I am  very frustrated because I do not know what I have done wrong. Is it a crime to marry?

First wife was a cheat…maybe cos of my financial situation then, …but second wife that I used to treat like egg…told her not to work…gave her everything yet she cheat on me with another man right under my nose, right where her own children are living.

Now, I have became a laughing stock. I cannot concentrate at my business. Things are going bad, I have to send my children back to village cos I cannot do this all by myself again. My two elder sons have entered higher institution but the 3 younger ones are in the village.

Maybe the city is not favoring me, I want to go back to village and start all over. I am very frustrated and need your advice please. Should I go back to the village and start all over? I feel like the city is not favoring me…after all these years, I have struggled and I have nothing to show because of woman problem.

My family is telling me to come back home…that maybe wicked people around me don’t want me to succeed in the city. At least, some of my relatives are doing well in the village…just my few friends here telling me not to go back cos village is backward you know…but at least, no one will be laughing at me and I will be free from city women and even local women who come from village and get corrupt when they come here.

There are no faithful women again. I am still young, can I remarry again after two failed marriage?  I have almost given up hope. How do I get back on my feet financially and marriage again? Please advise me.

Anonymous

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How My Marriages Crumbled & I Have Lost Almost Everything-Please Advise
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

6 COMMENTS

  1. Hello, i always tell people, your wife or husband will cheat on you irrespective of you, you said you trust her, that’s the problem, because you trust people doesn’t mean they won’t cheat on you, people will do what they want not minding you. Pls forget about her, face your business. If you want to go back to the village, its your choice, or maybe you should give it sometime, but please dont any of those Ladies back, PLS DO NOT TAKE ANY OF THEM BACK. You will be fine Sir. GOD,bless you sir. I am Akin

  2. Channel all the energy into raising your children….Some people ain’t lucky with relationships/marriages….

    Your children would bring joy to you and please don’t go back to the village…

    Your children are your priority now

  3. Going back to the village is not d solution,u need to focus on urself, ur children and your business! For nw leave matter abt women ,u need to be happy within yourself n plan on ow to get back on ur fit! Get heal first b4 saying u what to marry,is Even better for u to pay attention on ur kids n ur business

  4. Let me try to keep this short because there’s so much to say but it will be too much for you to imbibe all at once.

    See the main thing you need to do now is to avoid going desperately into another relationship. You need a time out. You need to develop self love for yourself. You need to take this as your meditation period. As you are meditating over your life, you need to keep asking and answering for yourself this questions, “where did I get it wrong, what’s lacking in me that is making my lovers to be cheating by dating multiple people?”

    While you are living your new single life again, develop yourself and happiness will locate you again. Not specifically about relationships, develop yourself in other aspects of life. How spiritual are you, become better, church gatherings are good if you are very active as a worker in the church. You said you are now financially stable, re-strategise and try to even become better financially, attempt to have more money to open more businesses, plan to work hard and dedicate time to make your children excel in their own life etc. Chase greater heights. Have new objectives that will make you happy. As you are accomplishing those objectives, you will be getting happy. While doing all these, ignore anything concerning relationship, that should not be part of the objectives. The goal is to be happy eventually and be able to love yourself more.

    When you fully develop yourself and create your own new happiness, you will be more matured to enter a new relationship if you will still desire for one. With your inner peace and happiness, you won’t feel too much to lose if a relationship fails to work out again as you have developed yourself being able to enjoy single life. Also, at that point, you won’t have too much expectations to be thinking your partners won’t eventually cheat on you.

    Know this and know peace :- A lady that will cheat will still cheat even if you were to go back to stay in the village. So don’t go back to the village if it’s bcos of getting married to the right lady, repackage your life and seek your own happiness in the best possible place, be it city or village.

    This advise is still long enough, so pls take time to be reflecting on the key things that were mentioned. If you have the money and desire, I would suggest for you to go through counseling/therapy to be able to keep sharing your story, development plans and progress with a professional. This will help you to quickly achieve that happiness I want you to get. If you don’t develop yourself (character-wise too, not just finance only), you will keep getting entangled into relationships that will eventually fail.

    I will reserve my advise on how to get the next best lady as there are some things you need to work on about yourself and that will take another long explanation. I believe other people’s advises should take care of that. Only apply their advises (concerning dating) when you are ready to settle down again. This small talk about development and seeking happiness while being single should have solved a lot of the problems you needed to fix.

    For the sake of brevity, let me add this. For someone at this ur age, if you get too lonely and you need help with household duties, get a maid or get a girl from the village for the purpose of taking care of the house only. Don’t let sex or relationship stuff happen between you too o or else it will end in tears again. Also consider going for divorced or 40-50 years old women if u were to remarry again. Those young ladies (20 – early thirties) will keep cheating on you o, and since u can’t handle living with a cheating partner, don’t let their beauty and endowments shack you to chose wrongly.

    When there’s life, there’s hope. I wish you well.

    • Well said, find yourself, develop a relationship with God, build your life, take care of your children, and if you still want to marry, marry a matured person.

  5. It is hard to give up on love and we can always make our relationship a successful one so we have to fight for the one we love after my husband left me for years i was lonely, sad and devastated hopefully i was directed to a very kind and powerful man Dr Akhigbe who helped me brought back my husband and now he loves me more than ever am so happy with my life now, thank you so much contact the spell caster for a love spell .Email. d r a k h i g b e s p e l l h o m e [email protected] m a l l . c o m

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