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My Fiancé Never Keeps His Word-Will This Marriage Work Out?

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My Fiancé Never Keeps His Word-Will This Marriage Work Out?

I want to remain anonymous. I am in a dilemma and I need the advise of the house. I am engaged to be married this coming December. We started with long distance relationship and tried to keep in touch by WhatsApp video calls every day. He was in Abuja while I was in Lagos. He also visited like once in two or three months too.

Now, we had out engagement last month and he invited me to come spend my annual leave with him in Abuja. This is the first time I would spend more than a weekend with him. And a few things have happened that is making me worry.

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So, I think I am beginning to think my fiancé says one thing and expects another and its really frustrating for me. For example, we had our first major quarrel when I came to stay with him over food, s*x and money. And I read somewhere that the 2 major reasons for divorce is s*x and money.

What happened was this: we have not had s*x since we been dating but when I came to stay with him, he started pressuring me for s*x. I mean, this is not the first time we have slept in the same bed. When he visits me in Lagos or I visit him before for weekend, we just only kiss and caress…we agreed to wait till after marriage.

That was why I did not mind agreeing to come spend my one month annual leave with him in Abuja. But after a few days of staying with him, the pressure to have s*x became so much. He started begging me…that the more he sees me everyday, he cant hold himself. He said we have even done engagement, both families know we are getting married in December, plans are in top gear… so why wait?

All my argument about waiting because we are Christians went out of the window. He said even God recognize engagement…that its as good as marriage…he started to carry face and for two days didn’t speak to me…he even threatened to go out and sleep with other girls…that there are many ladies dying to sleep with him, that my self righteousness is too  much.

Ma, His eyes were red when he was talking…I was like…who is this? Is it the same calm guy that I have known for almost 2 years? I almost wanted to leave the following day but when I told my friend, she told me to allow him because my fiancé is a good guy and he has shown commitment to our relationship. That

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And that is how we started having s*x and he is so happy…but I feel like I let myself down and even though I enjoy making love with my fiancé…I still wish we waited somehow, the excitement I was building for wedding night seems to be gone.

Secondly, I found out that my fiancé is very indecisive when it comes to food. We quarreled about that. I am not a food person …so I like to ask him what he wants to eat while I was staying with him…and he will always say…anything…that he will eat anything I prepare but I found out that I prepared a dish he is not familiar with, he will not eat it and that really annoyed me.

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I made plantain porridge for me. I worked hard to make its it so rich and yummy and he looked at it once and said: yuck ..what is this, I cant eat that….its smelling (I used ogiri local spice). That hurt me. The next time I spent my entire day cooking ofe owerri for him. If you know how tedious it is to make that soup, you will understand…and guess what…my fiancé did not eat it.

His inability to make up his mind about food frustrates me and when I go out of my way to make him a delicacy that I spend time and money to make and he rejects it…its driving me crazy. I have resolved to make him only rice and next thing he started saying its only rice I make ….that dont I know how to cook anything else…na wa o…is this what I will face in the marriage forever?

Lastly: we argue about money alot. We both know what each other earns but how we spend our money is always a cause for quarrel. If I buy wig or something he considers materialistic, he flips and says I am wasting money but its what I like. I like expensive things. On his part, he likes to spend money on games betting and I think that is gambling.

Yes, he wins some bets but when he loses, he does not tell me and when I find out, I go crazy. So, I told him to allow me save 40% of his pay for him which he agreed after much argument. So, every month, he will send 40% of his pay to me to save for him. But two weeks ago, he told me to give him the money which I have been saving for him which has become like 2.3 Million.

I asked him for what…he said he needed to add to pay for the car he is buying. I am aware he is planning to buy a car. I grudgingly gave him the money because it almost turned into fight again. Last weekend, he was supposed to come see me in Lagos but he didn’t. I asked him what happened, he said he didn’t want to tell me that he was broke. I told him that he could have asked me for money na.

That was when he broke down and apologized to me for lying to me. That he took the 2.3M I gave him and he make a 5M bet which he lost. Ma, by this time, my head was spinning. I just hung up on the phone with him and since over the weekend…I have been thinking about my life with this man.

Is this how we will be married? He will say one thing and do another? Are there other relationships like mine that are successful or are these a major red flag? Is my fiancé unstable or what? My friend says its communication problem but its seems more than that to me…I think its his personality and I am not sure if I can live with such personality or can I learn to make adjustments?

Please advise house…

Anonymous

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My Fiancé Never Keeps His Word-Will This Marriage Work Out?
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

7 COMMENTS

  1. Hello, why will you go stay in a man’s house, a man that is not your husband, ladies keep disrespecting themselves and will cry foul when a man does same to them. You said you are a Christian.. I ask you is that how a Christian should behave, you were even fornicating. The choice is yours sister. All these so called long distance relationship thing sef…nawa oo. GOD bless you.

  2. Hmmmmmm!!
    The part I fear for you is the “gambling act” aspect and a major Red flag; others about food e.t.c; can be dealt with or tolerated in patience.
    Thank goodness you went to spend your leave with him but you let down your guide anyway

    My dear, there are lots more you need to know about this guy. Moving out of this relationship would be a choice for you to decide.
    That gambling is a NO! NO!! NO!!!

    • Do not get deceived YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYBODY.

      Gambling is a major issue with this guy. How can you lose 2.3M on all the promise of quick money?

      I see to many red flags here. And on top of that you now went to sleep with him, something you had been keeping for your wedding night.
      Sex only clouds your judgement and I’m not happy he pressured you into doing it when you weren’t ready.

      All said and done. You have see the true picture of the man you intend marrying. He is a gambler who is looking for quick riches….and another thing that you have seen. It’s up to you to know whether you can continue.

      I’d say pause the wedding and work on these aspects. For me, gambling is a no no. You maybe okay with it though.
      Communicate and try to work things out, but don’t feel pressured to get married to him because you’ve had sex already.
      God bless you.

  3. Please the gambling part is a big red flag, and lying because he lied to you about wanting to buy car with the money you saved for him, the food aspect to me is no biggy but you see the sex part shows that he is not the kind of christian that will keep to God orders. He will always make obeying Gods directions difficult for you. For me this relationship is not worth it except you are ready to cope with all of this ref flag. Talking form experience

  4. Sister run far! Gambling is a disease which a lot of addicts cannot be cured of. This is a very red flag. He gambled with 2.3 million, ah, you are in trouble if you continue this relationship honestly. Forget the relationship. He also does not agree as pertains to food yet the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach as they say. It means it is only sex you both agree on and honestly marriage is much more than sex believe me.

  5. My sister you have not only disappointed God, you have disappointed yourself too. Please go to God and ask for forgiveness. Two, to be forewarned is to be forearmed. Will you be able to cope with a gambler who can gamble with a life savings? Are you sure he will be responsible after wedding? Will he not graduate to forcing or deceiving you to collect money for gambling after your wedding? Can you cope with deceits and anger? Broken courtship is far better than broken home. People will always have something to say about you but your life is yours, nobody will be in the marriage with you. But the choice is absolutely yours

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