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I Am Ashamed & Embarrassed With So Many Questions & No Answers-Pls Advise

I Am Ashamed & Embarrassed With So Many Questions & No Answers-Pls Advise

So, this happening in my neighbor, my landlady’s step daughter to be exact. So, we moved into this compound almost a year ago. I found out that our Landlady to be a very known public figure in the community. She is also has several male lovers. Her husband they said, died 8 years ago and left the house to her and the children.

One of he children is the late landlord’s daughter from another woman. The woman people say dumped the child on the landlord and never looked back. The landlady raised this girl. I noticed that this girl is very pretty but also very stubborn. The landlady and her children used to have issues especially this her step daughter.

The girl is wayward and the woman too is wayward…they are always fighting. This girl is 18 years old and is supposed to be in school but I think because of her waywardness, she is yet to gain admission into higher institution. There were rumors that she slept with every boy in the area and even some of her step mother’s lovers.

My husband and I are been together for two years and believing God for a baby. I have had a miscarriage seven months after we got married, since then, we still trying to get pregnant.

Now, this girl started to get close to me . I thought its because one time, I tried to help her, talking to her, advising her about her lifestyle but she will listen to me and still be doing all those bad things again. A few months later, my husband called me and warned me to stay away from her that the girl is a hopeless case. That she is not ready to change. I thought my husband was referring to the lifestyle the girl was living.

I had to cut off the girl and mind my business. Now, there is commotion now, two weeks ago, the landlady called my husband …she was very angry when she called him…I was sleeping when she came to our door…she demanded he come to her apartment immediately. My husband went and was there for like 30mins.

When he returned, he said the landlady was telling him that we need to pack out cos she wants to give the apartment to someone else. That did not make sense to me cos we paid for one full year which is not due yet. My husband said he does not understand too but that we should start looking for a new place.

The next day, as I was leaving for work, I saw the landlady and greeted her but she was cold to me. I then asked her why she wants to evict us since we always pay and do not cause trouble. This woman laughed and said she did not say she would evict us. That I should go and ask my useless husband what she really told him. I was confused.

Well, I went to work and came back that evening and was making dinner. Not up to 45mins, there was commotion outside. I ran outside to see what was happening and it was the landlady’s step daughter trying to fight my husband. She held unto his shirt and was behaving like a lunatic. I ran towards her, demanding to know what is going on.

This girl kept saying, oloshi oloshi…he gave me disease…he gave me disease. What…what is she saying? This girl was shouting cos she has no shame…but she kept saying oloshi…that my husband gave her disease…that he slept with her and after that, she got infected…and she asked him for money to treat herself and my husband says he is not the one that infected her.

That is how I found out my husband was also having his share of the neighborhood slut. I looked at my husband and he could not look at me. I went back into our apartment in shame…I wanted to die. So, this man has gone stray and so low to be with such a tramp?

When he finally came inside the house, he said he is sorry that it was just a brief thing that happened with her. That the girl kept throwing herself at him and he tried to resist her until she started to send her nudes. I have never checked hubby’s phone so I was in shock to think someone is sending him nudes.

I know my husband is not saint because this cheating happened once when we were courting. He begged me saying its because were abstaining during our courtship. What is this man’s excuse now for embarrassing me with such a low life girl? And to think that he may have contacted an infection and infected me too.

To be honest, if the girl is saying my husband infected her…what if my husband has other women who may have infected him cos where did he get the infection from, if not from her? The girl even called my husband male prostitute that day, saying he is pretending to be a saint but he is a male prostitute. That its infection that he has, that is why he cannot impregnate his wife.

So, my husband tested for infection some months ago. But the doctor explained when we went for test that its normal. That infections for men can be normal as long as we are both faithful to each other… but thinking about it now…what if its his cheating that is bringing these infections?

I asked him what infection and he said he is taking treatment already…I quickly went for test and to God be the glory, I am not infected but I am so mad and so ashamed of my husband. He finally gave the girl 10k for treatment few days ago but right now, I think my marriage is headed for an ending. I have not stopped crying and asking questions that my husband is refusing to answer.

Like…when did he start messing with this girl? are there other girls? am I married to an unfaithful man? how long has he been into this? how did he get the infection? My husband is refusing to answer my questions and I am frustrated. What should I do,…I need answers and this man is not giving me any….what should I do…please advise me…I am emotionally drained and depressed.


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. But some men sha,they can pretend oooo. After telling you to stop getting close to the girl,he now went very close,even to the extent of having her kpekus. He does not sound remorseful, he is not even sober for the nonsense he has done. He even lied that your landlady wanted you guys out of her house,chaiii, such a promiscuous man. Nne marriage is not by force,if you can no longer take this sheet from him,biko face your front,and if you feel you can continue enduring this rubbish with him,huh,pray he doesn’t infect you with a disease that can be life threatening. Are you sure he doesn’t have kids outside? You have to make your findings too,this is not good at all,just two years of being married and this is already happening. It is well with you but you can still involve his family since he is not giving you the answers you want.

  2. My dear lady, you don’t need to stress yourself in that marriage I believe your husband is still going after other lady’s. If he could sleep with that girl, it means his still cheating out there. A cheat will always be a cheat. Respect yourself and move on with your life. Ask God for direction.

  3. Exactly, he is not even remorseful, my dear if he doesn’t answer face your front and leave him to his choices, its quite sad you are still trying for children, so no disttaction or someone to channel your attention to at the moment, but the lord is your strength, and if you feel, you still want to stay and try for children with him go right ahead but you have to be strong and ready for anymore in future, if not, this the right time to leave as there’s no children to fight for…

    But pls hold on to God in all of these..

  4. He can’t answer you questions because you will discover more dirtiness. Your husband has a deep rooted problem which is lack of self control. Why will he not consider his family before sleeping with a whore. Moreover, instead of converting his shameful act to avoid a scandal, he went and exposed himself more.
    My advise is that you inform your family and his family on the current situation maybe there will someone that can talk sense into his head and make him confess his actions. However your husband must open up and be sincere in order for your family to progress so at least you will know what you have signed up for. Then you can decide if your mind and mental state can handle it

  5. Better stay in your marriage and make it work out. You never mentioned that your husband maltreated you or was abusive in any way, so that means cheating is the only current iss at hand. If that’s the case, my dear, there’s nothing you can do. A cheat will always be a cheat and even if you were to divorce and marry another person, what’s the assurance that the new husband won’t also cheat. A lot of married men cheat these days (pastors inclusive). So fight for your marriage. Try to let your husband pay more attention and love to you. You should only be seeking for divorce if he continues to cheat on you regularly and openly without doing it secretly or being ashamed of it.

    Not so many perfect marriage out there o. Better hold on to what you have for now. I pray you get out of depression quickly if he should start showering you with so much love. It is well with you.


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