HomeAdviceStop Shaming Married Women - Many Like Me Are Depressed(Pls Advise)

Stop Shaming Married Women – Many Like Me Are Depressed(Pls Advise)


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Stop Shaming Married Women – Many Like Me Are Depressed(Pls Advise)

So I read the woman who posted her story about being s*x starved in her marriage and how she cannot do without her lover. Hmmm…let me tell you the truth…I truly and sincerely admire her courage. Let me send her a personal thank you message for having the courage to speak where many married women like us cannot.

You see, I am also in the same boat. I used to be very afraid to talk about my marriage problems but since am doing this anonymously, I want to spill all the beans. We as a society are hypocrites. Especially the religious ones.

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Many married women like me are inside marriage where the man is a community prik but we stay because of hypocritical society,family and religious reasons. A woman like the poster decides to make herself happy after years of pain and emotional neglect and yes,her husband changed but what if he didn’t change?

And that is where I salute her courage cos I believe her finding her happiness opened her husband’s eyes cos married men know that once you are married…and a good women…you will want to leave for many reasons but they can put their prik in anybody and you as the wife cannot leave.

Let me tell you my story: I have been married for almost 9 years. I have 3 children, two girls and one boy. My husband and I met in the same IT company and got married. Because of the pressure of the work, I stopped working when I got pregnant.

After having my second child, I started my business but after my second child,my marriage was already in crisis. I caught my husband several times sleeping with different house helps. Under my roof.

One time, I walked in on them,they didn’t even stop cos my husband wanted to come before he can stop…can you imagine? I used to cry and beg him to stop. I quarrelled with him, kept malice with him…I threatened to leave but he didn’t flinch.

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I stopped using house helps but I saw countless nudes and chats with his several side chicks. I got STDs twice…immediately after my third baby,I decided to stop having s*x with him for dear of getting a deadly STD like HIV.

My husband used that excuse to say I deny him s*x to increase his cheating outside. But he told me several times that men are polygamous in nature. I was like, how come I never saw this while we were dating?

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The ball was in my court to decide to stay cos my religion says no to divorce, I also was thinking about my children but my God I was s*x starved, I became depressed and suicidal. I still get depressed even now. O think of taking pills and never waking up.

I waant to be loved and cuddled by a man..someone to tell me everything will be OK…someone to tell me am attractive…yes,my husband has made me feel so ugly…he says I lost my shape since I got married to him…I am still fine but no longer a size 10 he married but which woman is the same after childbirth? He makes me feel like I lack the will to leave him.

I go out and men admire me but back at home,mine does not even look at me. I have masturbated until I don’t even enjoy it anymore. Everything feels dead to me…I feel dead…like a walking corpse. The reason I feel I a still alive is just for my children’s sake.

My children are growing ùp,seeing me in a depressed condition…I wonder what they think of me…do they think am brave or weak? Why can’t I just leave or sleep with another man? I choose to stay and suffer and bear this pain but this is where I say, society has not done well.

Let us call a spade a spade…let married men be responsible …let there be justice and please stop shaming women who have the courage to serve the men the same medicine they are serving us.

Why should the women be more tolerating? Why? Why should I be dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts all the time while this man gets his highs from every pant ont town?

I want to be loved and cared for…I have s*xual needs….why can’t I do what the poster did…get a man to f*ck my brains off…I deserve not to die a dry woman…is this how the rest of my life will be?

If men can do this and ask for forgiveness later,why can’t women do it and be forgiven as well. Yes two wrongs don’t make a right but dying secretly…emotional abuse…suicidal thoughts and pain is not alright.

I am dying inside…all for the sake of what? So that people will not say what…so God will not punish me for what….did I do anything wrong? Or for the sake of my children who may never have a proper mother cos am dealing with depression and mental health issues? Is that the kind of mother they deserve?

I am tired…now ,not that I care what people say but tell me why I should not go and look for a f*ck body and still keep my marriage (abi is what is good for my hubby should be good for me right) and o will be happy and my children will be happy and I will not be depressed or s*x starved and everything will be fine…

Las las…God will forgive all of us…tell me why I cannot be free and happy? I am so tired….


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Stop Shaming Married Women - Many Like Me Are Depressed(Pls Advise)
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hellos dear,
    I’m sorry for why your are going through, I understand it isn’t easy. U alone have a choice to make yourself happy, but please don’t find happiness outside, instead be at peace with yourself, learn to love yourself and make yourself happy…I understand your want to be loved and your sexual desires met, what I will advice is for you to get a good job so as to distract yourself from your husband’s illicit affairs, save up enough money to take care of yourself and your kids, then file for a divorce, but before then u can think of a way to make your hubby jealous,…get new and sexy clothes, hangout with friends but please don’t go astray cos u have a good heart and your conscience will trouble u once u go astray…from your write up, I know u listen to your conscience, just learn to love yourself dear and be happy with yourself…..also you can decide to use sex toys , I know it’s different from the main thing , when u save enough file for a divorce, I know this won’t be easy….it is well with u dear, don’t worry u will be fine, make your children your priority……………….. how I wish we men can do better SMH…

  2. All men are not the same pls. Are there not women that mess around. You sound like you want to start sleeping around, do not go down that path, its an evil path. Do right even when your spouse does wrong. You will be fine. Don’t do what makes you happy, cos most people do that even when its an evil thing, so do what is right. Adultery will never be a good thing, no matter how you paint. It is well with yos Mrs.


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