HomeAdviceCan Our Relationship Survive His Baby Mamas & Mother- Inlaw Baggages-Pls Advise

Can Our Relationship Survive His Baby Mamas & Mother- Inlaw Baggages-Pls Advise

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Please help a confused sister. Keep me anonymous. This man I met last year has been talking marriage and sending me money, very supportive and all has two baby mamas of which these women and their children are very active in his life. The children spend weekends with him, two of them (girls) and their mothers are still interested in him from what I see but he has told them he cannot marry them.

Me, I have a boyfriend but he is not ready to settle down. I a 27 years old and I really want to settle down and have my children before I am 30 or latest 32. My issue now is, if I accept this man’s proposal, can I cope with his children and their mothers?

So, my man’s mother’s birthday was last month, the mother said all her grand children must be attend her 70th birthday. She lives in Benin and so my man invited me to come too. It was a huge birthday event, all his siblings and family members were around and were nice to me.

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What he did not tell me was that his first baby mama was coming as well. I felt somehow seeing her there. I told him I felt awkward and he said I should relax, that she came because she is close to his mother and that she knows he is with me so I should not be bothered.

When I met his mother, it was obvious she did not seem as friendly to me as she is to the first babymama. Well, she knew her before me. But that really made me feel uncomfortable. Then the mother asked me a question, that when am I giving her a grandchild. I was shocked but I told her that we are not married yet so it will be after marriage.

The mama said to me, my son will not marry you if you do not get pregnant first. I was like what? Is this how this woman is? So, she will be putting her nose in my relationship or marriage later? I was angry but kept my cool. Later on, I could not hold it any longer, I had to ask my man like why would his mother say I must get pregnant first before marriage.

My man told me not to worry cos he will no longer do what his mother wants. That his mother is the one that made him have two baby mamas. That since he is an only son out of eight siblings, the mother wanted him to marry only if the girl can give him a son. That he wanted to please his mom and he got two women pregnant and both had girls.

I was super shocked. So, that is why he has two baby mamas and he has been pestering me for marriage but he never told me he wanted a baby first because he has changed his mind, he loves me and does not mind if I have a baby boy or not. Now, not only will I be dealing with his baby mamas if we marry, it seems this his mother might be an issue o.

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The only difference is my man says he wants to marry me before we get pregnant. I made a mistake then. The next day, I was on my own o, the mother came and stated asking me personal uncomfortable questions like do I know how to calculate my ovulation period, that I should not just sit there and be enjoying s*x with her son, that she is giving me three months to get pregnant o.

I got upset and told her, her son and I have agreed no babies until after marriage. That caused a big issue. She said over her dead body will her son marry me before babies. That instead, her son will marry his first baby mama. They started arguing and the woman started to cry. Emotional blackmail.

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My man and everyone started to beg her that everything will be ok. My man was also upset with me that I did not have to tell his mom what we discussed, that I should learn how to manage her. But I was angry that his mother is too nosey, asking me about my ovulation and insisting I must get pregnant and have a son for my man or she will prefer him to marry his first baby mama.

I stayed away from her that day and next morning, I told my man I was leaving, he begged me to stay so we leave together next day, I said no. We quarreled and I left leaving him behind with his mother and baby mama. But that day, I made up my mind to break up with him. I would rather wait for my boyfriend who has no baby mamas.

The next day when my man came back, he called me and I did not pick up. I sent him a text that its over but he said he will not give up cos he loves me. He told me he was coming to see me so I left the house cos I don’t want to see him. I went to see my boyfriend who thought I was still out of town.

On getting to my boyfriend’s place, he was shocked to see me cos he had another girl with him. I was broken. It looks like the two men in my life have issues. So now, which should I settle with? The one who is ready for marriage but has baby mama and mother in-law issues or wait for the one that is not financially ready and still messes with other girls?

I know my man seems like the better option, I just do not know how to deal with his baby mama and mother baggages, he always says to me that he is the one I am marrying, not his family. That all I need is just a little patience and better communication cos no family is perfect. Besides, my family likes my man , they too are just concerned about his baby mamas and his mom…but he has assured them not to worry.

With this assurance, can I still marry him? He truly is kind and caring, I wont lie. Please advise me.

Anonymous

 

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Can Our Relationship Survive His Baby Mamas & Mother- Inlaw Baggages-Pls Advise
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

8 COMMENTS

  1. Dear poster,
    You are shocked ur bf cheated on u, u also cheated, u both belong to the street….now concerning your man, I will advice you shouldn’t go ahead to marry him, this is a red flag which u can’t see, 2 baby mamas with 2 female children, how are you sure if you get married to him, your kids won’t be females all through, cos it’s a man who determines the sex of the child not the woman, so it’s best you breakup with him and work on yourself……..

  2. Do not marry that man,huh. You have to be extremely careful, do not make a lifetime mistake that might cost you your life. Don’t be desperate for marriage, be patient. You are 27 and not 45,easy does it. He that has ears let him hear. Have a good day

  3. Do not marry that man,huh. You have to be extremely careful, do not make a lifetime mistake that might cost you your life. Don’t be desperate for marriage, be patient. You are 27 and not 45,easy does it. He that has ears let him hear. Have a good day

  4. None of the men is best for you dear poster.
    Please relax your nerves; it’s not bad you stated the age you wish to marry but when life happens please be humble and patient with decision making.
    Dey no dey catch late comer for marriage oooo .
    If you have to wait beyond 27 before getting married is better off being miserable for the rest of your life in marriage.

    Peace!

  5. Marriage is not something to rush into and then back out from easily o. Better to wait for 600 years and marry right, than to marry quickly and suffer for 600years.
    Read the previous two posts (before yours) on livelystones from women who are into marriage with cheating husbands and you will understand depression is real in marriages o.
    If there are red flags that u can’t handle now (causing you depression), it will be better to quit now than to enter marriage and keep trying to handle it. Cos at that point, it won’t be easy to back out. It will only add more depression to the one you are currently feeling.

  6. Poster I sense you’re so anxious or will I say desperate to get married.
    It never ends well when one is in a hurry to get married.
    Marriage is a lifetime thing. It’s serious commitment and hard work.
    Marriage in Africa doesn’t ‘favour’ the woman per say.
    You can read the two previous posts.

    You have seen two serious red flags between the two men you’re dating at the same time(you’re probably double dating because you’re anxious to get married) and you’re still thinking that one of them might be an option for you?
    Girl, stop being anxious about marriage.
    Live your life, get busy and be happy.
    Your right partner will meet you when you don’t expect.
    God bless!

  7. You are dating two men, and you found out issues with both of them. But you complain. Work on yourself before complaining. How can you be dating two men but cry foul. Do what you preach.

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